Questions and Answers

Answers are intended for help and perspective, not as pronouncements of Church doctrine.

Some Church members I talk to say it isn’t good to associate with non-Latter-day Saints. But a lot of my good, true friends are not Mormons, and they don’t try to pressure me into doing anything wrong. Is it really wrong to associate with them?

That question is as old as biblical times. Even the Savior had to deal with it when the Pharisees criticized him for eating and associating with people they considered to be in a different class and less righteous. But what did Christ tell them? In one instance, he told them that the woman in question treated him better than they did, and loved him more (see Luke 7:37–50). In another instance, he told them that there is much rejoicing when a shepherd leaves the ninety and nine and reclaims the one lost sheep (see Matt. 18:12–14).

That doesn’t mean that your nonmember friends are a flock of lost sheep. On the contrary, we know that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are not the only righteous people on the earth. There are multitudes of righteous people outside our wards and stakes, branches and districts—and a number of unrighteous ones within. To miss out on the friendship of the good people of this world, to miss out on their different points of view and the opportunity to help them find the gospel would be very unfortunate. If we only associated with people of our own faith, we, as a people, would be considered intolerant, unsociable, and uncompassionate, and no missionary work would ever be done.

Those who tell you to only associate with Latter-day Saint friends might be worried about the influence nonmembers could have on you. After all, many non-Latter-day Saints do have standards different from ours, and sometimes concerns about their standards are valid. You need to have a firm conviction of what you believe, who you are, and why you live the way you do so that you won’t be easily influenced by what people of different beliefs and lifestyles tell you. President Harold B. Lee said, “You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is” (General Conference, April 1973).

If your friends do start encouraging you to loosen your grip on the iron rod, you might want to loosen your grip on them as friends, not because they’re not Latter-day Saints, but because they’re encouraging you to do things you know you shouldn’t.

Whether your friends are Church members or not, the people you’ll be happiest with are ones who don’t put pressure on you to disobey the commandments, and who accept you for who you are and what you believe without making you feel uncomfortable about it.

Here is a sample of responses to the question by Latter-day Saint youth, some who live in areas where the Church is well-known, and others in areas where the Church population is quite small.

My school has about 475 students. The only Latter-day Saint youth are myself and members of my family. The only time I see Church members is on Sunday or at other Church activities. My school classmates and teachers know about my religion. My nonmember friends have not tried to lead me astray or asked me to do anything I shouldn’t. I am next to the youngest of thirteen children. Our family has always tried to be a good example for the Church and let our friends see our actions. In my case I can do something positive for my friends by living my religion.

Joanna Shoaf, 15

Where I live I have friends who are not Church members, and they know that I am a Latter-day Saint. I know that some of them do things that are wrong, but they know my standards and don’t ask me to go against them. My best friends, though, are members of the Church, and we do a lot together. I don’t think it is wrong to have nonmember friends, because if we don’t become friends with them they will think we are self-centered, and they won’t know what the Church is about. We can be missionaries to our nonmember friends by the example we set.

David Flint, 16

I don’t necessarily find it wrong to associate with nonmembers. You’ve just got to make sure that you keep doing what you believe and be an example to them, that you in no way let them influence you to lower your standards. My favorite scripture is Matthew 5:16 [Matt. 5:16]. It talks about being a light, an example. I used to go to a school where I was the only member. In one way it was really hard being the only Church member in school, because there was always the temptation to do what my classmates did. But in another way it was easy because I knew that everybody was watching every move I made to see what the Mormon girl would do, and I liked to be different and stand up for what I believed in. Some people made fun of me, but many people respected me. So I think it just depends on you, but you must use wisdom and uphold you standards.

Tracy Clark, 17

No, it is not wrong to associate with people who are not Latter-day Saints. If you are careful in choosing your friends, you will have no problem. Over a period of time, your friends will get to know you and your standards. They will know what you believe and they won’t pressure you into doing anything else.

Cindy Hooten, 12

I don’t think there is anything wrong with associating with non-Latter-day Saints. At my school there are about twelve Latter-day Saint youth, and we all have a good time together, but I also have many friends who are not Church members. I think the most important thing that you can do for your nonmember friends is to set a good example. My nonmember friends know my standards and what I do and don’t do, and they respect me for it. They never ask me to do things they know I won’t do, and I am grateful for that. I think if your non-Latter-day Saint friends know what you believe in and do not put pressure on you in any way, then I see nothing wrong with associating with them. I know some of my friends probably do things that I don’t believe in, but that doesn’t mean that they are not true friends. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you believe in. Some youth make fun of who we are. If you can set a good example for your nonmember friends then maybe they will follow you. Just remember that you know what’s important, and it doesn’t matter what other people think.

Lori Lybins, 17

I think it depends on what your friends are like. If they are going against Church principles and standards, you shouldn’t be friends with them. But just because they’re not Latter-day Saints doesn’t mean you have to stay away from them. If they are good people you can be friends with them, and not every good person is a Church member.

Leilani Hokum, 17

Photography by Craig Moyer