Lesson 189—Physical and Emotional Health

Being Perfected in Jesus Christ

A Process of Becoming More like the Savior

Many pressures and expectations in life can cause us to struggle with perfectionism or to mistakenly think we need to be perfect on our own. Because of the Savior’s great sacrifice, we can “be perfected in him” (Moroni 10:32). This lesson can help students recognize thinking errors related to perfectionism and can help them turn to the Lord.

Possible Learning Activities

Perfectionism

Consider displaying some of the following thoughts on the board and reading them together as a class. Feel free to adapt or change them to other perfectionistic thoughts more relevant to your students.

• “I’m not sure I will ever be good enough.”

• “I’m not as good at this as she is. I don’t even know why I try.”

• “I feel like I need to pretend to be happier and doing better than I am.”

For an example of some of these thoughts, consider showing the video “Self-Compassion” (2:58) from time code 0:00 to 0:53.

Self-Compassion

The antidote for the poison of self-criticism is self-compassion, and self-kindness is the key. Become your own best friend by changing how you talk to yourself and learning to embrace your flaws.

Invite students to turn to a partner and answer the following questions.

• How common do you feel thoughts like these are?

• Why might people feel tempted to think this way?

You might explain that these statements could be considered examples of perfectionist thinking. You could write perfectionism on the board and invite students to write possible descriptions around it.

Consider displaying the following statement. Encourage students to look for additional insights they could add to the board.

Elder Vern P. Stanfill of the Seventy explained:

Perfectionism requires an impossible, self-inflicted standard that compares us to others. This causes guilt and anxiety and can make us want to withdraw and isolate ourselves. (Vern P. Stanfill, “The Imperfect Harvest,” Liahona, May 2023, 113)

To help students assess how they see perfectionism in their lives and how to overcome it, you could display the following questions and invite students to ponder their responses.

Think of how you may be susceptible to perfectionistic thoughts. You might want to record your responses to some of the following questions in your study journal.

• What unrealistic standards might you be setting for yourself?

• How do you compare yourself to others in unhealthy ways?

• How can you turn to the Lord to address this type of thinking?

Encourage students to seek revelation from Heavenly Father through the Holy Ghost as they study ways they can turn to the Savior to overcome perfectionist thinking.

Perfected in Jesus Christ

Elder Vern P. Stanfill shared what we can focus on to overcome perfectionist thinking:

The Imperfect Harvest

Elder Stanfill teaches the difference between chasing worldly perfection and becoming perfect in Christ.

Remember that perfectionism is not the same as being perfected in Christ….

Becoming perfected in Christ is … the process—lovingly guided by the Holy Ghost—of becoming more like the Savior. The standards are set by a kind and all-knowing Heavenly Father and clearly defined in the covenants we are invited to embrace. It relieves us of the burdens of guilt and inadequacy, always emphasizing who we are in the sight of God. (Vern P. Stanfill, “The Imperfect Harvest,” Liahona, May 2023, 113)

• What do you find meaningful in this statement?

If students do not naturally share, consider inviting them to summarize what it means to become perfected in Christ. Using students’ words, write a principle like the following on the board: Becoming perfected in Jesus Christ is the process—lovingly guided by the Holy Ghost—of becoming more like the Savior. Consider writing Becoming perfected in Christ on the board next to perfectionism.

While visiting the ancient inhabitants of the Americas, the Savior reaffirmed that becoming perfect is something that He and His Father desire for all of us. Read 3 Nephi 12:48 (see also Matthew 5:48), looking for what the Savior said.

Some people may struggle with thoughts of perfectionism as they read this verse.

• How can Elder Stanfill’s statements help us better understand what the Savior is teaching in this verse?

• How can this help us turn to the Lord when we struggle with perfectionist thinking?

Becoming more like the Savior

To help students better understand the principle, consider distributing the handout “Becoming Perfected in Jesus Christ.”

Students could study the scripture references and statements in small groups, with each person taking one or two statements and scripture references. Or you could give each group one statement and scripture reference to study.

Becoming Perfected in Jesus Christ

Read the following scripture references. Look for phrases that increase your confidence that the Savior can help us overcome our imperfections and become more like Him. You could make a list of what you find in your study journal or on the back of the handout.

• Doctrine and Covenants 76:40–42

• Ether 12:27

• Moroni 10:32–33

Read the following statements. Look for what we can do to overcome perfectionist thinking and focus on becoming better through Jesus Christ. You could highlight phrases that stand out to you.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught what the Lord does and does not expect of us:

God does not need people who are flawless. He seeks those who will offer their “heart and a willing mind” [Doctrine and Covenants 64:34], and He will make them “perfect in Christ” [Moroni 10:32–33]. (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Five Messages That All of God’s Children Need to Hear” [Brigham Young University Education Week devotional, Aug. 17, 2021], 3, speeches.byu.edu)

President Russell M. Nelson explained what we can do when we see our imperfections:

Let us do the best we can and try to improve each day. When our imperfections appear, we can keep trying to correct them. We can be more forgiving of flaws in ourselves and among those we love. (Russell M. Nelson, “Perfection Pending,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 88)

After students have studied, invite them to share with their group what they have learned. Help them discuss how these scriptures and statements are relevant to them.

Discuss what phrases you found in these scriptures or statements that:

• Have helped you in the past with feelings of not measuring up to expectations.

• You have questions about.

• You would like to apply to your life.

Replacing perfectionism with becoming perfected in Jesus Christ

The following skill can help us correct perfectionist thinking and focus on striving to become better through Jesus Christ.

Define: Be sure the following skill is clear for students. Consider writing the questions on the board.

When you recognize a perfectionist thought, ask yourself the following questions:

• How might the Savior want me to view myself with compassion and patience?

• Instead of trying to do everything on my own, how can I acknowledge and rely on the Savior and His power to help me?

Model: Select one of the perfectionist thoughts from the beginning of the lesson, such as “I’m not as good at this as she is. I don’t even know why I try.” Keeping this thought in mind, ask students the first question (“How might the Savior want me to view myself with compassion and patience?”). To hear some possible answers, watch the rest of the video “Self-Compassion” (2:58) from time code 0:54 to 2:58.

Self-Compassion

The antidote for the poison of self-criticism is self-compassion, and self-kindness is the key. Become your own best friend by changing how you talk to yourself and learning to embrace your flaws.

Students might share some of the following: The Lord is not concerned with how we are doing compared to others. We can be patient with ourselves if we are not progressing as quickly as others and realize that others have their own struggles. We can realize most progress is gradual. We can seek the promptings of the Spirit to turn to the Lord and know that we will progress in the Lord’s time.

Ask the second question above (“Instead of trying to do everything on my own, how can I acknowledge and rely on the Savior and His power to help me?”). Students might share that as we repent and turn to the Savior, He has power to cleanse us from sin and to help us improve and become like Him. He invites us to focus on Him, not others, for help. We can strive to follow the Savior’s example and pray that Heavenly Father will bless our efforts. We prayerfully look for evidence of His help and ways we are improving.

Practice: Invite students to do the following activity in pairs, and make sure each student gets an opportunity to practice.

Select one of the examples of perfectionist thoughts at the beginning of the lesson. With this thought in mind, answer the questions above.

After sufficient time, invite a few pairs to share what they learned from the practice. Some may notice that inviting the Savior into their thoughts helps them feel His love and patience.

Encourage students to ponder how they can use these skills in their lives. Invite them to act on impressions they may have received as they seek the Savior’s help.

You could conclude class by testifying of the blessings that come from our continual efforts to become like Jesus Christ.

Additional Resources

3 Nephi 12:48 (see also Matthew 5:48). What does it mean to “be perfect”?

President Russell M. Nelson shared:

In Matthew 5:48, the term perfect was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete.” Teleios is an adjective derived from the noun telos, which means “end.” The infinitive form of the verb is teleiono, which means “to reach a distant end, to be fully developed, to consummate, or to finish.” Please note that the word does not imply “freedom from error”; it implies “achieving a distant objective.” (Russell M. Nelson, “Perfection Pending,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 86)

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:

Every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. … If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection. (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Be Ye Therefore Perfect—Eventually,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2017, 42)

How is perfection possible?

President Russell M. Nelson explained:

We need not be dismayed if our earnest efforts toward perfection now seem so arduous and endless. Perfection is pending. It can come in full only after the Resurrection and only through the Lord. It awaits all who love him and keep his commandments. (Russell M. Nelson, “Perfection Pending,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 88)

See also “Be Perfected in Him,” from time code 7:00 to 7:57, by Elder Paul V. Johnson of the Seventy.

Be Perfected in Him

Elder Johnson teaches that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we can be cleansed of our sins and imperfections.

What is perfectionism?

Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained:

A misunderstanding of what it means to be perfect can result in perfectionism—an attitude or behavior that takes an admirable desire to be good and turns it into an unrealistic expectation to be perfect now. Perfectionism sometimes arises from the feeling that only those who are perfect deserve to be loved or that we do not deserve to be happy unless we are perfect. (Gerrit W. Gong, “Becoming Perfect in Christ, Ensign, July 2014, 17)

Are worthiness and perfection the same thing?

See “What’s the difference between perfectionism and wanting to be worthy?” (from the “Mental Health: Help for Me” page at ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

Supplemental Learning Activities

Actions and attitudes that help me overcome perfectionism

To help students see how they can achieve a balance between the demands of life and avoiding perfectionism, consider having them read portions of “Becoming Perfect in Christ” by Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (Ensign, July 2014, 14–19). As students read, they could make a list of actions and attitudes that can help them overcome perfectionist tendencies and, in turn, become perfected in Jesus Christ.

Comparison and emulation

One possible cause of perfectionism is the desire to compare ourselves to others. Students may benefit from learning about the differences between self-comparison and emulation. Consider displaying the following statement by Elder Vern P. Stanfill of the Seventy:

The Imperfect Harvest

Elder Stanfill teaches the difference between chasing worldly perfection and becoming perfect in Christ.

I have learned … that just as perfectionism is not the same as being perfected in Christ, self-comparison is not the same as emulation. When we compare ourselves to others, there can be only two results. Either we will see ourselves as better than others and become judgmental and critical of them, or we will see ourselves as less than others and become anxious, self-critical, and discouraged. Comparing ourselves to others is rarely productive, not uplifting, and sometimes downright depressing. In fact, these comparisons can be spiritually destructive, preventing us from receiving the spiritual help we need. On the other hand, emulating those we respect who demonstrate Christlike attributes can be instructive and uplifting and can help us become better disciples of Jesus Christ. (Vern P. Stanfill, “The Imperfect Harvest,” Liahona, May 2023, 115)

You could then discuss questions such as the following:

• Why should we seek to avoid comparing ourselves with others?

• Why should we seek to emulate those who demonstrate Christlike attributes?

• What has helped you avoid the temptation to compare yourself with others?

Scenarios

To help students identify thinking errors related to perfectionism and then practice replacing them with ways we can turn to Christ, you could have students create scenarios. In groups, students could create a realistic scenario that includes some elements of perfectionist thinking. Groups could exchange their scenarios. They could respond to the scenario by sharing what they would say to encourage the individual in the scenario to turn to Christ so they can be perfected in Him.

Video options

In “Perfectionism: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?,” Olivia describes her experience with perfectionism. As students watch this video, they could identify ways perfectionism was manifested and how it affected her. They could also identify how she addressed perfectionism. You may also consider using the first three minutes and five seconds of the video as an alternate way to start the lesson. Then you could watch the rest of the video at the end of the lesson.

Perfectionism: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

Do you sometimes feel like you’re not good enough for God or anyone else? Chances are you’ve had a bout with perfectionism. Whether you know it or not, God’s Grace reaches everyone—including perfectionists.

Students may benefit from watching “Worthiness Is Not Flawlessness” from time code 3:34 to 7:03. In this video, Brother Bradley R. Wilcox of the Young Men General Presidency relates a story about Damon and how turning to God enabled him to overcome his feelings of falling short.

Worthiness Is Not Flawlessness

Brother Wilcox teaches that we do not need to be perfect to have the grace and atoning power of Jesus Christ in our lives.