“Critical Incident Gathering: A Quick Reference for Church Leaders and Organizations,” Emergency Preparedness (2023)

Critical Incident Gathering: A Quick Reference for Church Leaders and Organizations

Introduction

When a critical incident such as an unexpected death, a natural disaster, war, accidents, or civil unrest impacts many Latter-day Saints, Church members may gather to inform, grieve with, and comfort one another. When arranging such meetings, counsel with Church leaders and seek divine guidance to understand the needs of God’s children and plan how to help meet them (see General Handbook, 4.3). Prayerfully consider the purpose for the gathering and what will be covered. Leaders may also consult with a Church Family Services counselor or other trusted professional counselor.

Tragedies and losses affect people differently. When addressing large groups after critical events, asking people to share deep feelings or detailed experiences is often unhelpful. Instead, focus on providing general guidance, teaching principles, and giving compassionate support. Consider the following recommendations.

Establish a Safe and Welcoming Environment

Helpful

Consider the audience. Children, youth, and adults may need separate meetings.
Greet people with kindness and mingle with them in a welcoming and non-intrusive way.
Share a clear statement of the meeting’s purpose and what will be covered.
Assure participants that they can leave the meeting at any time if their feelings overwhelm them. They can rejoin when they are able.
Invite trusted adults to watch for those experiencing intense distress or who leave the meeting so they can gently check in and provide private support and resources.
Ensure tissues are available.
Provide water and consider light refreshments.

Unhelpful

Do not force people to have conversations or share feelings.
Do not present as cheerful or in distress.
Do not be too directive or nonstructured.
Do not try to rationalize or explain away the loss.

In the case of death: Acknowledge those who have died and all who are mourning. Consider having a moment of silence.

In the case of suicide: With many unanswered questions, some feel grief and loss more intensely. Remind the audience that despite our love and best efforts, not all suicides are preventable. We do not judge.

Demonstrate Compassion

Helpful

“We love and care about you.”
“We feel compassion for what you are experiencing.”
“We’re here because we care.”
“We’re here for you, and we can listen.”
It’s OK to just sit quietly with people. Just being there offers support.

Unhelpful

Do not avoid mentioning the loss or acknowledging the victims.
Do not make insincere expressions of care.
Do not give unsolicited physical touch or affection.
Do not be judgmental of circumstances, victims, survivors, first responders, or organizations.

Empathize with Their Responses

Helpful

Provide information regarding common responses (see “Facing Challenges: A Self-Help Guide”).
“We don’t fully understand the pain each of you may be feeling, and we recognize this can be heavy.”
“It’s OK to feel whatever emotions you are feeling.”
“It’s common to feel like our thoughts and emotions are beyond our control.”
“Everyone responds differently. It’s OK to feel like you’re doing well, and it’s OK to struggle.”

Unhelpful

Do not say you know how they feel.
Do not tell people how they should feel or what they should believe.
Do not make “at least” statements (such as “at least you’re OK now,” “At least no one else got hurt,” or “At least it wasn’t worse”).
Do not discourage expressions of emotion (such as “Don’t cry,” “Don’t feel bad,” or “You shouldn’t feel guilty”).
Do not ask questions that invite people to share deep thoughts, emotions, or detailed experiences in a large meeting.
Do not label responses as being signs of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and so forth.

Discuss Practical Coping Strategies

Helpful

Provide information about healthy coping strategies (see “Facing Challenges: A Self-Help Guide”).
“What are your coping strategies?”
“What has helped you cope with difficulties in the past?”
“Sometimes we can feel drawn to unhealthy numbing strategies. Talk with a trusted family member, friend, or leader to focus on healthy ways to move forward.”

Unhelpful

Do not try to fix or resolve their distress.
Do not focus on your own experiences.
Do not immediately talk about solutions. Many people need time to process the tragedy before they are ready to begin resolving their distress.

In the case of suicide: Thoughts about attempting suicide are common when we know someone who has died by suicide. Provide information and resources to help support others. For example, share this Church website Suicide Prevention and Ministering.

Teach How to Help Others

Helpful

Help them understand that each person will have unique responses and experience different pathways to recovery.
Encourage them to be patient, understanding, and respectful of differences.
Discuss ways they can help their loved ones, including family, friends, neighbors, older adults, youth, and children.
Share the resource “Discussion Guide: How Can I Minister to Others During a Crisis.”

Unhelpful

Do not ask or expect overwhelmed individuals to serve others.
Do not share ways and advice to “fix it.”
Do not suggest that grief follows certain stages or timelines.

Additional suicide resources:

Offer Hope

Helpful

“We’re here with you; we hear you.”
“We know people who can help.”
“We’ll keep checking in with you.”
“We’ll give you the space that you need. We’ll also be available to help and be with you.”
“We will figure this out together.”
Saying nothing and simply being with them can provide hope.

Unhelpful

“It’s all part of God’s plan.”
“They are in a better place.”
“There is a reason for everything.”
“God wanted them to be with Him.”
“It was their time to go.”
“They are needed more there than here.”

During intense crisis situations, consider the timing of deep expressions of faith and hope. They may not be helpful at a time of crisis.

Provide Resources

Helpful

Share handouts, apps, websites, crisis numbers, and contact information for Church Family Services or trusted community resources.
Provide information regarding how to know when to find professional help. Share what is available locally.
Invite those who want to talk about their feelings and experiences to meet with others who have similar experiences.
Connect those interested with a counselor.

Unhelpful

Do not suggest that most people will need counseling or that they must talk with a professional.
Do not teach that spiritual and Church resources are all they need.

Meet after the Gathering as a Leadership Council

Helpful

Talk about things that went well and things that you would change for future crisis gatherings.
Identify families and individuals who may need follow-up or ongoing support.
Make ministering assignments.
Discuss your own self-care plans.
Schedule a time to report back regarding ministering efforts and self-care.

Thank you for comforting those that stand in need of comfort (see Mosiah 18:9).