Lesson 17 Class Preparation Material

Equal Partnership in Marriage

Within the family, the Lord has entrusted men and women “with different but equally significant roles [that] complement each other” (M. Russell Ballard, “The Sacred Responsibilities of Parenthood,” Ensign, Mar. 2006, 29). Prophets have taught that “in these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org). These responsibilities will be discussed in greater depth over the next few lessons.

Section 1

How can I be an equal partner in marriage?

We can learn important truths about the relationship the Lord intends for a husband and wife from the way He described the creation of Eve as recorded in the book of Moses.

Study in Preparation for Class

Read Moses 3:18, 21–23, and think about the meaning of the symbolism used to describe Eve’s creation.

The description of Eve’s creation from the rib of Adam is figurative (see Spencer W. Kimball, “The Blessings and Responsibilities of Womanhood,” Ensign, Mar. 1976, 71). President Russell M. Nelson explained one possible symbolic meaning of the rib:

The rib, coming as it does from the side, seems to denote partnership. The rib signifies neither dominion nor subservience, but a lateral relationship as partners, to work and to live, side by side. (“Lessons from Eve,” Ensign, Nov. 1987, 87)

President Linda K. Burton, former Relief Society General President, taught the following about the meaning of help meet:

The phrase help meet means “a helper suited to, worthy of, or corresponding to him” [Genesis 2:18, footnote b]. For example, our two hands are similar to each other but not exactly the same. In fact, they are exact opposites, but they complement each other and are suited to each other. Working together, they are stronger. (“We’ll Ascend Together,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2015, 30)

Some cultural or personal beliefs and behaviors can keep us from being an equal partner in marriage. President Dallin H. Oaks of the First Presidency described some of these circumstances and how to overcome them:

Some … husbands have the false idea that the husband rests while the wife does most of the work at home or that the wife and children are just servants of the husband. This is not pleasing to the Lord because it stands in the way of the kind of family relationships that must prevail in eternity and it inhibits the kind of growth that must occur here on earth if we are to qualify for the blessings of eternity. Study the scriptures and you will see that Adam and Eve, our first parents, the model for all of us, prayed together and worked together (see Moses 5:1, 4, 10–12, 16, 27). That should be our pattern for family life—respecting each other and working together in love. (“The Gospel Culture,” Ensign, Mar. 2012, 44)

Ponder in Preparation for Class

What blessings can come to a marriage if the husband and wife see and support each other as equal partners?

Section 2

What does it mean to preside in a family setting?

The Lord has appointed unique responsibilities to husbands and wives in the family that are “equal in value and importance” (Quentin L. Cook, “Great Love for Our Father’s Children,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 79). Some of these responsibilities will be discussed in coming lessons. But one example is the following sacred responsibility that the Lord has given to husbands and fathers: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org). In the absence of a husband or father, the wife or mother presides in the home (see Russell M. Nelson, “Spiritual Treasures,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2019, 79).

Consider how the following teachings can add to your understanding of how a father can preside over his family in love and righteousness:

Presiding in the family is the responsibility to help lead family members back to dwell in God’s presence. This is done by serving and teaching with gentleness, meekness, and pure love, following the example of Jesus Christ (see Matthew 20:26–28). Presiding in the family includes leading family members in regular prayer, gospel study, and other aspects of worship. Parents work in unity to fulfill these responsibilities. (“Parents and Children,” General Handbook: Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2.1.3)

The Apostle Paul taught about a husband’s responsibility to selflessly preside when he said: “The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. … Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:23, 25). President Ezra Taft Benson, after citing Ephesians 5:23, emphasized how the Savior is a perfect example of how to preside:

That is the model we are to follow in our role of presiding in the home. We do not find the Savior leading the Church with a harsh or unkind hand. We do not find the Savior treating His Church with disrespect or neglect. We do not find the Savior using force or coercion to accomplish His purposes. Nowhere do we find the Savior doing anything but that which edifies, uplifts, comforts, and exalts the Church. Brethren, I say to you with all soberness, He is the model we must follow as we take the spiritual lead in our families. (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson [2014], 196)

In an inspired letter to Church members, the Prophet Joseph Smith described the importance of exhibiting Christlike attributes when leading others. These attributes apply to presiding in the family.

Study in Preparation for Class

Read Doctrine and Covenants 121:41–43, and consider marking the Christlike attributes you find.

Record Your Thoughts

Select one of the Christlike attributes you identified or marked, and record your thoughts about one or more of the following questions: Why does this attribute matter in presiding over a family? How can this attribute help me be an equal partner in marriage? When has Jesus Christ exemplified this attribute in His presiding role? Be prepared to share your thoughts in class.

Section 3

How can spouses righteously counsel together in leading their family?

The meaning of “presiding in the family” can be misunderstood. For example, some people have misinterpreted the language of scripture passages like Genesis 3:16 (the Lord telling Eve that Adam will “rule over” her) to mean that a husband can be domineering or controlling, which is false. This instruction from the Lord pertains instead to a husband’s responsibility to preside in love and righteousness. As President Gordon B. Hinckley taught concerning the meaning of this phrase, it is the husband’s “governing responsibility to provide for, to protect, to strengthen and shield the wife” (“Daughters of God,” Ensign, Nov. 1991, 99; see also Spencer W. Kimball, “The Blessings and Responsibilities of Womanhood,” Ensign, Mar. 1976, 72).

Regarding the unrighteous practice of husbands being domineering or controlling, Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:

Is yours a culture where the husband exerts a domineering, authoritarian role, making all of the important decisions for the family? That pattern needs to be tempered so that both husband and wife act as equal partners, making decisions in unity for themselves and their family. No family can long endure under fear or force; that leads to contention and rebellion. Love is the foundation of a happy family. (“Removing Barriers to Happiness,” Ensign, May 1998, 86)

With humility, respect, and kindness, couples should counsel together in making decisions for their family. Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:

In family council, wives and husbands, as equal partners, make the most important decisions. They decide how the children will be taught and disciplined, how money will be spent, where they will live, and many other family decisions. These are made jointly after seeking guidance from the Lord. (“The Lord Is My Light,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2015, 64)

Keep in mind these additional important truths related to counseling together as spouses and fostering equality in marriage:

• Husbands and wives are meant to have “an equal voice and vote” in making decisions (L. Whitney Clayton, “Marriage: Watch and Learn,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2013, 84).

• Wives are needed to “speak as ‘a contributing and full partner’ [Spencer W. Kimball, “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, 106] as [they] unite with [their] husband in governing [their] family” (Russell M. Nelson, “A Plea to My Sisters,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2015, 97).

• Husbands and wives have “equal power to receive revelation for their family” (Quentin L. Cook, “Great Love for Our Father’s Children,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 79).

• Parents can hold family councils with their children to counsel together about decisions or challenges that may pertain to the entire family (see M. Russell Ballard, “Family Councils,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2016, 63–65).

Ponder in Preparation for Class

How can counseling together in righteousness bless couples and their children?

Want More? (Optional)

What other principles can guide me in being an equal partner in marriage?

In the article “Counseling Together in Marriage” (Ensign, June 2012, 10–13), a marriage and family therapist taught three principles that can help spouses be equal partners as they counsel together and lead their family.

Where can I learn more about presiding in the family?

In his talk “The Melchizedek Priesthood and the Keys” (Ensign or Liahona, May 2020, 69–72), President Dallin H. Oaks expounded on the meaning and practice of presiding in the family.

Read President Nelson’s conference address “Our Sacred Duty to Honor Women” (Ensign, May 1999, 38–40) to discover how to preside in selfless ways.