Yours … Are Parents to Honor

by Lindsay R. Curtis, M.D.

“Do you know what I want more than anything else, Dad?” This was my son talking as we walked along together. Like a newscaster’s prebroadcast review, some observations of the past several days quickly spun through my mind. The carpet in one room of my son’s modest home was worn like an over-used sheet of carbon paper. Their only lamp drooped its tired head like a wilted flower. His car at near 80,000 miles was begging for retirement. Which of these among many others does he need most? I wondered.

“What I want more than anything else,” he continued, “is for you to be proud of me.” This was my proudest moment. I was proud of his mature sense of values—and rather ashamed of my own momentary immaturity.

Once more I recalled the sweet spirit I had found in his home, the way we had knelt in family prayer, the family home evening in which his seven-year-old daughter directed the program. My heart swelled as I recalled the love he had expressed for his devoted wife, for his bishop, for his home teachers, for the gospel’s influence in his life, and for his marriage.

And another incident: A member of my student branch had stopped in to see me. “President,” she said, “my dad has a birthday and I want to send him something worthwhile. But he is having such a financial struggle to keep me in school, I don’t think I should spend much. Can you suggest anything?”

I remembered the wonderful gift my own son had given me and then suggested to her: “Jan, why don’t you fast and pray for a true appreciation of your father. Then write down all the things he has done for you over the years—list all the reasons you are proud of him. Next list the things he has done for which you failed to thank him. Finally, sit down and pour your heart out in a letter that will convince him how much you love him. It will be the finest present he has ever received from you, and it will cost only a stamp.”

“President,” said another member of the branch who was a recent convert, “I guess I should move away from home. There is growing tension between Mom and me. It seems to be getting worse all the time.” A tear paused at the corner of her eye. “I’ve tried to get her to listen to the missionaries, but she just becomes angry.”

“Cyndi,” I said, “have you ever told your mother how much you love her, recently, that is? Have you put your arms around her to give her a good squeeze as you have told her how much you appreciate her and all she has done for you?”

“But I want her to come into the Church so badly, I just keep talking about it.”

I interrupted. “Did it ever occur to you that you could never have become a member of this church if it hadn’t been for your mother?”

“But she didn’t want me to join.”

“You wouldn’t even have come into this world if it hadn’t been for your mother. She and your dad gave you the body you have. Your parents brought you up to appreciate the gospel truth when you heard it. They taught you righteous principles so that when you heard the message of the restoration you accepted it. Did you ever consider how many nights your mother may have been awake when you were ill, or how many hours she may have devoted to your care? Have you ever really thanked her for all of these things? Have you ever let her know how proud you are to have her as your mother?”

“But,” she said, “why would Mom be so opposed to the Church?”

“Would you love someone,” I asked, “if you thought that person was going to take your child, or your child’s love, away from you? Your mother might be worried that the Church is doing this.”

“I guess I’ve never thought of it that way,” she said.

“Tell me, what does the Church teach us about our parents?”

“Honor thy father and thy mother.”

“That’s right. Let’s forget about getting your mother to join the Church for now. Think of all the ways you can express your love for her. Throw your arms around her and tell her how grateful you are for all she has done for you.

“Next, show her how much you honor her by helping her in every way. Extend little courtesies to her. As you recall the little kindnesses, the tenderness, and understanding that she has given you over the years, remind her of these and thank her for them.

“Assure her that the Church does not intend to take you away from her. Show her by your conduct that the gospel of Jesus Christ has given you a greater appreciation and love for your parents. It should draw you closer together than ever before.”

The next time I saw Cyndi she was exuberant. “Things have never been better at home. Mom and I are closer than we have ever been in our lives. I love her so much, and she feels better about the Church now.”

When I hear some of the deep-from-the-heart expressions of love and appreciation for parents in our fast and testimony services each month, I say in my own mind, “I hope you have written to your parents and told them of such great love.”

Gratitude unexpressed is like an exquisite painting that is hidden away to deteriorate and gather dust. It must be brought out in the open to find its intended value. We can never repay with money all our parents have done for us. Too often we hope for riches so that we can buy something worthy of the feelings we have for our mom and dad. Usually they don’t need such riches. Nor do they want money for what they have done. But they deserve appreciation, and they have a right to be proud of us.

Perhaps one of the Savior’s greatest moments was at his baptism when the heavens parted and the voice of his Father was heard to say, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Matt. 3:17.)

The only way we can really honor our parents is to make them proud of us. And their proudest moment may turn out to be our proudest moment.

Illustrated by Phyllis Luch