Fiction:

The Answer in Section 6

by Kimberley Griffiths Little

Her brother and friend was leaving. And for what? Katie felt betrayed. Why couldn’t she feel what he felt? Know what he knew?

Rain poured from the sky as Katie dashed from under the awning of Fitzgerald’s. She vaulted into the passenger seat of the car waiting at the curb with her brother, Mike, at the wheel.

“It would start to rain as I get off work,” Katie said dismally, flipping down the visor mirror to stare at her sodden hair.

Mike laughed at the face she was making and pulled into traffic.

“Oh! I almost forgot,” Katie said. “Fitzgerald’s is having a sale on men’s white dress shirts—in case you need a few more for your collection.”

“I think Mom bought three or four dozen. Do you think 10 ties is enough?”

“I’d better send you some for Christmas.”

“Don’t forget socks,” Mike reminded her. “And cookies.”

“They’ll be stale by the time they get to Brazil.”

“I can’t go two years without chocolate chip cookies.”

Katie said softly, “I can’t believe you’re going to be gone in a week.”

Mike pulled into their driveway. The rain kept falling. “Gotta make a run for it,” he said.

Katie reached out a hand. “No, Mike, wait. You know, this might be our last chance to talk.”

“You mean you’re never going to speak to me again?” Mike asked in mock horror.

“You know what I mean. Tomorrow Dad’s taking you fishing. Sunday is the farewell, Monday is the good-bye party, and Tuesday you drive to Utah while I work.”

Katie’s eyes blurred as she looked through the drumming rain. She and Mike were only 11 months apart and had grown up practically like twins. They had run track together, fished, camped, had the same friends, and gone to Saturday night dances together. When no one else would listen, Mike always did. But now it was hard to express what she wanted to ask him.

“What’s up, Katie?”

“It’s just … why are you going on a mission?”

“Well,” he began, “I’ve taken the missionary prep class, gone on splits with the full-time elders, saved my money …” He stopped. “I guess that doesn’t really answer the question, huh? I’m going because I’ve got a testimony of the gospel. Does that sound too spiritual?”

Katie shook her head. “You really have a testimony? No doubts, nothing?”

He looked at her questioningly. “I’ve never had doubts; neither have you. Hey, you’ve been Laurel class president.”

“Being the Laurel class president doesn’t automatically give you a testimony.”

Mike stared at her in disbelief. “We’ve been together our whole lives: church, seminary, sunrise testimony meetings; of course you have a testimony.”

Katie’s voice shook. “No, I don’t Mike.” I’ve never told this to anyone, but I really don’t know. How can people say they know?”

“I can’t believe you’re saying this,” Mike said softly.

“Don’t look so shocked, Michael. It’s not the end of the world.”

“How can you go on a mission or get married in the temple? All the big things, I just don’t get it.”

“I’m not planning on getting married next month.”

Mike shook his head. “Your testimony is the most important thing in the world.”

“But what is a testimony?” she challenged.

Meeting the rise in her voice, he quickly said, “A knowledge and belief that the Church is true.”

“How do you get it?”

“Through study, prayer, fasting.”

“The usual, typical answers. Is that how you got it?”

“Of course.”

“How did you know?”

“I just felt it. I’ve always known.”

“But what does it feel like?”

He sighed. “I don’t know how to explain.”

“No one can tell me. Not my seminary teacher, not my leaders, and not you.”

“I thought I knew you better than anyone else, and now it’s like I don’t.”

Katie bit her lip. “You’re not helping me. You’re only making me feel bad.”

“But you have to have a testimony,” he insisted.

“Right.” She opened the car door. “Out of everybody in this world, I thought you’d be the one to listen and understand. I wish I hadn’t brought it up.” Katie got out of the car and slammed the door.

The next morning, Katie stayed in bed until after Dad and Mike had left for the lake. When she came downstairs, she found her mother at the kitchen table eating breakfast.

“I’m just wondering what’s up between you and Mike?” Mom said.

Katie became wary. “Nothing.”

“Actually,” Mom confessed, “Mike told us about your conversation last night.”

Katie set down the milk. “He had no right to tell you that! I confided in him.”

“You’ve been so close. I think he was very shaken by what you told him,” Mom said soothingly.

“Now my whole family thinks I’m apostatizing.”

“I never knew you had concerns about your feelings. I wish you had come to Dad and me.”

“It seems like everybody has a testimony, except me. I thought I was weird or something.”

Mom was thoughtful. “There are probably more people in your shoes than you realize, especially teenagers. We’re not born with a testimony. It takes time, lots of prayer, and seeking for the Spirit. Growing up in the Church can make it harder because it’s always around you. From the time you’re in nursery, it’s something you hear about and learn about every day. It might be harder to recognize because it’s so much a part of you.”

“You’re probably right,” Katie admitted.

Mom leaned forward. “Of course, I don’t recommend going out in the world and ignoring your standards just to see how other people live. Your father and I did that before the missionaries came to our door 20 years ago. We had even decided not to have children.”

“I didn’t know that,” Katie said.

“It’s a sad way to live. When I felt the Holy Ghost bearing the truth to my heart that what the elders were telling me was true, it was so different from anything I’d ever felt, I didn’t have any doubts it was from God.”

“I wish I could have that,” Katie said. “But sometimes I don’t think I feel anything.”

“You might be feeling more than you realize. It just takes careful listening. Having a desire to know is the first step. It will come if you seek it. Jesus Christ himself told us that.”

Even after talking with her mother, Katie had a hard time feeling forgiveness toward Mike. She felt like he’d betrayed her deepest feelings. On Tuesday morning she stood barefoot in the damp grass and saw her family off. She hugged Mom and Dad, then stood awkwardly as Mike put his arms around her and squeezed her.

He whispered, “Please don’t be mad anymore. I need your love to make it the next two years. Write to me, okay?”

She nodded, unable to speak. The car pulled away, and Dad tooted the horn.

She was alone. Even though she had to work every day until her parents returned, the next few days would be time by herself. Time to really think, meditate, read, pray and hopefully get some answers.

She went into the house and grabbed her scriptures. A testimony of the gospel, of the Church. It sounded trite, somehow, and that had always bothered her. There were so many doctrines to have a testimony of. What did it really mean?

She turned to the Topical Guide under testimony and testify and read until she had to get ready for work. The basic foundation was a testimony of Jesus Christ, which made sense. That’s where she needed to start.

A few minutes after Katie checked in at work, she was throwing a pile of newspapers out when a headline in the metro section caught her eye: “Top 10 Reasons People Pick Their Church.” She put it in her purse.

The words ran through her mind. How could there be more than one or two reasons people decide which church to join? Wasn’t the church’s beliefs and doctrine the most important thing?

After her shift, Katie spread open the article. A journalist had conducted a local survey among members of various churches and asked them to list the reasons they had chosen the church they currently attended. The results had been listed in order of the most popular.

1. The church had a good day-care center close to work.

2. The church had a good preschool or private school.

3. The church was close to where they lived.

4. Their friends attended that church.

5. They liked the beauty of the church.

6. The church had a good choir they wanted to join.

7. The church had a youth program.

8. They had grown up attending that church.

9. They liked the minister.

10. They agreed with the doctrines or beliefs.

Katie set down the paper. Incredible. What she had assumed to be the number one reason was actually the last reason people in her community picked their church.

Had she been going to church because of social reasons and not because of a testimony? But it wasn’t because she didn’t want a testimony. She did. It just seemed like such an elusive thing. She almost felt guilty that she would be going to BYU without a testimony.

Every night that week she lay in bed thinking about the Savior, the scriptures she had read, and her pleading prayers for answers. After several days Katie finally felt the troubled, worried feelings disappearing. She knew she was beginning to feel peace. Her testimony would come, just as Mom said it would. She had to have confidence in the Lord.

Katie sat up and switched on the lamp. She picked up her scriptures and went back to section 9 of the Doctrine and Covenants. She’d read the verses about having a burning in her heart so often she had it memorized. Why couldn’t she have that burning?

Slowly she turned the pages, reading verses at random. Section 6 caught her eye. The Lord was speaking to Oliver Cowdery. “Cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?” (D&C 6:22–23).

Katie sank back against the pillows. She knew she had felt peace. And now she knew it was from God. She glanced down at the page and another passage seemed to strike at her heart: “Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love. Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God” (D&C 6:20–21).

Oh, to feel the love of the Savior as if she were encircled by his arms! Tears came to her eyes as she thought about Mike. She shouldn’t have let him go without telling him she loved him. She thought he had betrayed her, but now she realized that she had deserted him also.

It was almost midnight, but she couldn’t go to sleep. She grabbed her pen and started to write.

Dear Mike, I’ve finally had some questions answered. Probably the best person answered them, too. The one that counts. Maybe I wanted to be struck by lightning or have a revelation or something. But it was even better than that. Now I can know deep inside my heart, where it will never leave.

I’m sorry for how I acted when you left for Utah. I guess I was angry with you for breaking my confidence, but now I know I hurt you also and I wish I could go back and re-do all your last days at home. Would you please forgive me? I do know that you’re going to be a great missionary, and I’m rooting for you! With all my love, Your sis, Katie.

She folded the letter, got in her pajamas, and went to find her brother’s address.

Illustrated by Dilleen Marsh