“I Envy You,” New Era, Aug. 2004, 46–47

I Envy You

I had always been jealous of Lynn. Despite a close friendship, Lynn and I had always been in unspoken competition with each other in high school—at least, I always felt that way. I longed to be like her. She was pretty, intelligent, talented, and fun to be around. I, on the other hand, lacked confidence in my appearance and felt socially inept.

One night on my mission I knelt at my bedside, desperately asking the Lord in the first of many prayers to help me overcome this sickness. Over time, the Lord answered my prayers. I learned to value my own worth. I learned that God does not love me for my intelligence or the number of my friends or the wealth of my possessions. He loves me for myself alone.

After I had been home from my mission for nearly a year, I met Lynn for lunch. I told her how I had always envied her. She listened quietly and then looked at me in astonishment. “I was always jealous of you!” she said. I realized then how pointless my unspoken envy had been. I asked her if she could forgive me.

“Of course,” she said. “As long as you can forgive me, too.”

We laughed then and cried a little. I felt an old bitterness melt away to be replaced by peace and an intense gratitude for Lynn’s friendship.

I do not mean to make overcoming envy sound easy. It isn’t—at least not for me. It has taken me a long time to admit my weakness to myself and to understand the nature of my spiritual illness. I am particularly grateful for Jesus Christ, the true Healer, and for His Atonement, which allows us to overcome our weaknesses and transform them into strengths.