“6:36 a.m.” New Era, February 2018
6:36 a.m.
Hope and healing came in the most unexpected way that morning.
I’ve talked to a lot of people about depression, and the majority of them say that the nighttime is when their depression is at its worst. For me, it has always been the morning. The prospect of facing a new and unknown day has always discouraged me. I recently had one of those mornings.
I heard my alarm go off at 6 a.m. How I hated, how I loathed that beeping sound. I naturally pressed the snooze button. I’m not sure why I always did; I never slept for the 15 minutes the alarm delayed. I just sort of stared at the ceiling, trying to postpone the inevitable. The alarm went off with that same dreadful beeping at 6:15. I reached over and turned the alarm off. I sat up, not ready to face the day. I slowly and sluggishly climbed into the shower. When I finished and went back to my room, I sat down on my bed again, trying not to feel the awful despair and gloom that was threatening to overwhelm me.
I glanced over at the alarm clock to check the time: 6:36 a.m. I stared. Something stirred in my memory. 6:36? I recalled an often-shared scripture in seminary, Doctrine and Covenants 6:36. I opened my scripture to the reference: “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” Tears welled up in my eyes. How could I have no doubts or fears when I was in such turmoil? I read verse 34 in the same chapter: “Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.”
I was openly weeping, but now with a sliver of hope. It surely felt like earth and hell were combined against me, but now it also felt like I had a mighty fortress on my side to defend me from their attacks. I gradually came out of my stupor with the words of Doctrine and Covenants 6:36 echoing in my mind. I was able to face that day with more courage than I had before. That day, I had no fear. I had no doubt that Heavenly Father was aware of me, and that He was protecting me and guiding me that day.
There are still days when I struggle with my depression, but with the help of doctors, trusted friends and family, and a loving Father in Heaven, I am learning to overcome my challenges. Elder Jeffery R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said: “Don’t give up. … Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. … You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust in God and believe in good things to come.”1
I am eternally grateful to my Heavenly Father for bringing that scripture to my remembrance that wonderful morning. Every morning when I see the numbers 6:36 flashing from my clock, I offer a prayer of gratitude. He will be with us every step of the way. Life will not always be perfect, but we need never fear what the adversary can do because we have the greatest protection on our side.