From the Mission Field
How I Realized I Didn’t Need to Be Perfect to Serve a Mission
Overcoming my perfectionism was key in helping me make a clear decision about going on a mission.
Perfectionism—or the idea that if you’re not perfect, something bad is going to happen—distorts the world. Perfectionists see everything through a filter, which is probably why I was so wrong about sisters serving missions.
Because of my perfectionism, I mistakenly thought that while the Lord called all able young men in the Church to serve missions, He called only specific, and the most righteous, young women to serve.
I felt that I needed to go on a mission. The problem was that as I got closer to the age of being able to serve, my anxiety kicked in and my brain tormented me over the decision.
I recognized that some of my thoughts were twisted by my perfectionist filter, but I still couldn’t ignore my anxious feelings.
Facing My Challenges
Despite my worries, I eventually started my mission papers and began meeting with my bishop and stake president. As I was interviewing with my stake president, I mentioned some of my anxiety and perfectionism issues.
The stake president didn’t give me a simple solution like I wanted; rather, he encouraged me to get in touch with Family Services to talk with a counselor about my anxiety.
This was when I learned that I was experiencing perfectionism. Just knowing the name of what I was going through—and also realizing that I wasn’t alone and that what was happening to me was something real—was incredibly life changing.
Unfortunately, though I now had help, I was taken off the course of going on a mission. I felt like a failure. But as I started going to college, taking medication, and just getting older and more mature in general, I stopped feeling as ashamed. I decided to put off thinking about a mission and just focus on school and getting healthier.
Serving for the Right Reasons
One day I experienced a tender mercy that helped me choose to go on a mission for the right reasons. As I spoke with a friend who had recently returned from her mission, I shared some of my thoughts and anxieties about serving. Instead of telling me what I was used to hearing about how wonderful missionary service is, she said, “Heavenly Father has given His daughters a choice.”
I knew then that I had it wrong. There was nothing wrong with choosing not to serve. The Lord doesn’t call only the “best” people to be missionaries. And my standing with the Lord didn’t depend on serving a mission at all. Once I knew this, my guilt and my fear disappeared.
Later, as I was watching general conference, a thought occurred to me: “Maybe I should go on a mission.” I had had this thought occasionally, but this time I felt it was an impression from the Lord. I knew what He wanted me to do.
I went through the process again and submitted my papers. When I went back to my stake president, he recommended that I serve a service mission.
Christ Helped Me Grow
I had come to greatly trust the Lord’s direction, so I said I would love to serve a service mission. But I didn’t know then how I would be showered with blessings as I served.
As part of my service, I was asked to lead companion study with two other sisters. I watched as one of them, who didn’t like to talk much, came out of her shell and became my friend. And because I have a degree in English, I get to serve with the Liahona magazine and YA Weekly, and I love it. I have made friends and was told that I was the answer to my team’s prayer for more help.
The most important blessing has been the growth I have noticed in myself. I am coming to know the Lord Jesus Christ and have learned to rely on His Atonement much more. My testimony has grown, and I believe that I am loved by Jesus Christ and by my Heavenly Father.
What has enabled me to slowly conquer my perfectionism is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. And because of my knowledge of His Atonement, I feel safe and loved.
I have faith in Jesus Christ and His ability to strengthen me, even when I struggle to have faith in myself.
Once I realized that God loved me, supported me, and knew my gifts and talents, I was able to move forward with confidence in His will for me. Whether or not we serve a mission, I know God can help each of us to feel His love, understand our strengths, and know how we can serve.