Life Skills
How to Study Come, Follow Me When You’re Single
How could I have effective “family-centered” study when I was a family of one?
When I moved away from home to attend college, I wasn’t worried about my spirituality. I felt confident in my testimony, I was self-motivated to go to church, and I had enjoyed personal scripture study for many years. I figured I’d be fine spiritually. For the most part, that was true, but being alone brought challenges I hadn’t anticipated.
During my freshman year, two of my roommates were also members of the Church, and we planned early on to do the Come, Follow Me reading together every night. We were able to discuss our insights with each other, and I felt like I’d picked up where my family and I had left off with our study.
But at the end of the year, those roommates left on missions. Not all of my new roommates were members, and those who were either didn’t seem as motivated to do gospel study or had schedules that conflicted with mine. As I attempted to do it alone, I started to feel like my Come, Follow Me study was lacking. How could I have effective “family-centered” study when I was a family of one?
Here are a few things that helped me:
1. Finding Joy in Studying Alone
I didn’t give up altogether. I still read on my own and tried to study the questions in the Come, Follow Me manual, and I prayed that the Spirit could give me the insights I needed. Still, I often felt lonely and wondered if I could be doing something to get more out of what I was studying. Eventually, through my effort and prayer, I was surprised to realize that studying alone had brought its own kind of joy for me.
For one thing, studying by myself meant I could dictate my own schedule. I spread out the reading through the week in a way that gave me time to carefully ponder each chapter. Also, as President Russell M. Nelson has said, “We are each responsible for our individual spiritual growth,”1 and studying alone kept me responsible. I had to rely on my own discipline to study every day, and I had to contemplate the themes and messages and seek understanding from the Spirit for myself instead of waiting for someone else to explain them to me.
Studying alone still wasn’t ideal, but I at least didn’t feel stagnant in my study anymore. Spiritually, I was making progress!
2. Learning from Other People
Studying alone definitely had its benefits. However, I knew I could benefit from studying Come, Follow Me with others.
The Apostle Paul told the Corinthians, “When ye come together, every one of you hath a psalm, hath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation. Let all things be done unto edifying” (1 Corinthians 14:26). When we share our insights, we can uplift and learn from each other.
Even though I didn’t have an official group to study with, I could still talk to other people about the reading. My family and I would occasionally talk about it when I called them. People in my institute classes would share their insights from Come, Follow Me. Sometimes it would come up in casual conversations with friends, and we could share personal experiences we’d had with the reading. These conversations not only broadened my understanding but also helped me strengthen my relationships with the people around me.
3. Reaching Out
Once I started talking to my friends, I realized other people were probably in the same situation I was—studying Come, Follow Me without guidelines on how to do it alone.
When the Come, Follow Me program was first introduced, Elder Quentin L. Cook said, “It would be completely appropriate for young singles, single adults, single parents, part-member families, new members, and others to gather in groups outside the normal Sunday worship services to enjoy gospel sociality and be strengthened by studying together.”2
I was assigned to minister to two sisters in my ward, and neither of them had roommates who were members or other people they could study with. I reached out to them and asked if they’d want to study Come, Follow Me together after church on Sundays. Both of them agreed! We were able to meet for a few weeks, and I enjoyed learning from them and getting to know them better.
The pandemic hit soon after that and everyone went home to their families, but I was pleased with myself for the progress I had made. Even though it was definitely easier to study with my family again, I knew I could still work effectively on my own because I had laid that foundation for myself.
Make Time for Come, Follow Me
Being single can be challenging in a lot of ways, including having the time and motivation to do Come, Follow Me study on your own. But even if you live alone, that doesn’t mean you are alone. As I learned, some people would probably be happy to put together a Come, Follow Me group and might be waiting for an opportunity like that.
I gained many personal insights from studying on my own because I put in the time and effort, even if it was harder to do it by myself. I found I actually took more time to study when I was alone than when I studied with my family, which led me to gain further personal revelation and a deeper understanding of the scriptures since I could sit with the Spirit in stillness.
There may be times when you’ll still feel lonely or inadequate in your study, but it is so worth it! As you seek guidance from the Spirit, the Lord will help you find the tools and methods to help you make Come, Follow Me a means for you to grow and succeed and maintain, as President Nelson recently taught, “positive spiritual momentum.”3