Finding Answers: From Sister to Sister
As a YSA, How Can I Feel Fulfilled If I’m Not Serving a Mission or Getting Married?
I began to question my value when I wasn’t getting married and I didn’t feel prompted to serve a mission.
Sometimes being a young single adult is hard.
When many of my friends left to serve missions, I struggled to feel like my contributions were as valuable as theirs. Then my friends started getting married while I remained single. I felt bad when people would ask about my dating life only to be disappointed each time when I didn’t have news to share.
Perhaps the hardest thing was dealing with other people’s perceptions of me—or at least what I believed their perceptions were. I wasn’t in the same position as missionaries or married young adults, but I was still capable of accomplishing great things! Yet somehow, I didn’t feel as valued.
How could I keep from feeling guilty or inferior compared to my peers?
Looking Inward
The most significant thing I did to overcome my inadequate feelings was realign my focus. I realized that I couldn’t control what others said or thought about me, but I could change what they saw me do. By focusing on my actions instead of their opinions, I could change my feelings about myself.
Here are five things that helped me realign my focus:
1. Actively serve in your calling.
I often felt like my callings weren’t very meaningful or important, which made me less enthusiastic to carry them out. I would think, “Who needs a 10th FHE group leader?” or “How many people does it really take to coordinate an activity?” But in hindsight, I realized I had judged certain callings as beneath me, so I hadn’t put in the effort to discover how important they really were.
Maybe your calling isn’t exciting, or you feel like you could effectively serve somewhere else. However, any calling can be viewed, as Mormon described, as a “gift” from God (see Moroni 7:2). Callings can help and strengthen you. Or they can help you help someone else when they need it. You won’t know how much good you can do in your calling if you don’t put in the effort.
When I put effort into my callings, I felt appreciated by ward members. But I also realized I didn’t need their validation as much as before. The most important thing was that the Lord appreciated my service. As Elder William R. Walker said, “Our willingness to serve in our callings, whatever they may be, is a reflection of our dedication to the Lord.”1
2. Get involved in ministering.
When I wasn’t at college, I attended my family ward. That made me feel like I was somewhere between Young Women and Relief Society—not quite one or the other.
One day, my Relief Society president asked if I would join her in visiting her ministering sisters. I didn’t have a ministering assignment, so I went. I ended up joining her multiple times and loved getting to know the sisters better.
That experience inspired me to be more active in ministering. If I didn’t have a ministering assignment, I asked for one. My leaders were grateful that I approached them because it showed I was willing to serve, which led to more service opportunities.
3. Share the gospel normally and naturally.
You can share the gospel wherever you are, not just as a full-time missionary. President Russell M. Nelson has told us, “As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints ... we have been charged to assist the Lord with this pivotal work.”2
In an effort to help the Lord with His work, I have strived to share the gospel in natural and normal ways, like talking about the gospel with my college roommates who were nonmembers and shared my testimony with roommates who were members of the Church. Whether you’re talking about the gospel, exemplifying Christlike discipleship, or serving others, it’s all missionary work!
4. Prepare for and receive your temple endowment.
Jean B. Bingham, former Relief Society General President, said, “Whatever your age, each of you women who has made covenants with God has the ability to hold up the Lord’s light and lead others to Him [see 3 Nephi 18:24].”3
Marriage and mission preparation are often the motivating forces behind a person’s desire to receive their endowment. But Sister Bingham said, “Young adults, you don’t need to wait until marriage or a mission to make those sacred covenants.”4 When I received my endowment, I came to better understand my divine identity and purpose.
Anyone can qualify for the blessings of the temple when they are worthy and prepared, regardless of missionary service or marital status—and those blessings are the same for everyone.
5. Develop your gifts.
Everyone has something valuable to offer that no one else can offer in quite the same way. President Nelson has urged us: “Pray to understand your spiritual gifts—to cultivate, use, and expand them. ... You will change the world as you do so.”5
Sometimes your gifts might surprise you. One thing I’ve had multiple people express their appreciation for is my ability to remember small, seemingly random details. I hadn’t thought of that ability as significantly useful until people brought it up. But once they did, I realized how valuable and helpful it was to others.
As endowed members of the Church, we are under covenant to dedicate all of our resources to building up God’s kingdom, including our unique gifts. Even if you don’t know what yours are yet, He does. So ask Him! As you recognize and develop your talents, others will be able to recognize them too.
Center Your Life on Jesus Christ
Once I stopped focusing my efforts on what other people thought, I found a lot more spiritual fulfillment. Some of my weaknesses turned into strengths. And I noticed a change in how other people viewed and treated me, even though I wasn’t focused on that.
Your efforts and skills may not be fully understood by others yet, but recognizing them in yourself is an important first step. As you gain confidence in your abilities and take it upon yourself to act, the Lord can make you an effective instrument in His hands to accomplish His work.
Above all, the focus of your life should always be centered on your relationship with Jesus Christ. He knows what you’re capable of, and He can help others recognize your talents too. Another person’s perception of you is not strong enough to hinder the Lord from using you as an instrument in His work. He wants you to use your abilities to build His kingdom, and He will help you find opportunities to do so.