“Earning and Extending Empathy,” Liahona, Sept. 2023.
Young Adults
Earning and Extending Empathy
The Savior’s perfect example teaches us the power of extending empathy to bless others.
What do you get when you combine a small airplane with an overwhelmed mother and an irritable little boy? A very stressful situation. From a few rows behind, I watched the drama unfold. It went something like this:
Little boy: I’m hungry!
Mother: Well, let’s look in my purse and see what I have.
Little boy: Nooooo!
Mother: But aren’t you hungry?
Little boy: Give me that!
Mother: Give you what?
Little boy: Thaaaat!
Mother: Honey, you can’t have my necklace.
Little boy: I want it!
You get the idea. Over the next 20 minutes, the mother used a range of tactics to try to calm him down: bribery, diversion, humor, even one or two mild threats. Nothing worked. “It’s only a short flight,” I reminded myself. “She’ll be OK.”
But she wasn’t OK. Her stress was mounting, and she began wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. Although I didn’t know her, I felt drawn to help her. Reflexively, I started praying for them both.
I wasn’t the only passenger affected by the scene. Just as the strain on her emotions peaked, another passenger came to her aid. She was a much older woman, seated immediately across the aisle. Radiating kindness, she turned to the young mother, quietly spoke a few reassuring words, and took her hand. That was it. And that was enough.
These two women held hands across the aisle throughout the remainder of the flight. Although the little boy continued to rant with spectacular intensity, his mother appeared serene. It was a miracle.
Empathy and Compassion: Two Traits of Discipleship
In our modern vocabulary, this miracle has a name: empathy. Empathy, by definition, is the sensitive act of experiencing vicariously another person’s thoughts, feelings, or experiences. Empathy is a modern term; you won’t find it anywhere in the scriptures. But linguists have noted that empathy is closely associated with compassion. And as a scriptural term, compassion abounds.
Empathy is the ability to relate to another person’s pain, and compassion is the charitable action that stems from that ability. Jesus Christ demonstrated both empathy and compassion as He ministered, blessed, healed, and atoned. As disciples of Christ, we must learn to experience empathy and extend compassion. These are among discipleship’s defining features.
When empathy works its greatest wonder, it helps us comprehend and then respond to another person’s pain, need, fear, or sorrow. In the young mother’s case, an older woman who presumably had decades of experience caring for children and grandchildren could extend comfort because she had endured similar difficulties herself. By virtue of her own experience, she was qualified to act as a comforter.
What qualifies Jesus Christ to comfort us? Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926–2004) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “Jesus knows how to succor us in the midst of our griefs and sicknesses precisely because Jesus has already borne our griefs and sicknesses [see Alma 7:11–12]. He knows them firsthand; thus His empathy is earned.”1
Christ in the Land Bountiful, by Simon Dewey
Earning Empathy and Helping Others
What difficulties have you endured whereby you have “earned” the ability to empathize with others and extend compassion toward them? Have you suffered the effects of poverty, abuse, ignorance, disease, neglect, sin, or struggles of any kind? If you have, you probably emerged from your sufferings as a wiser, stronger, and more sensitive human being.
In short, you’ve earned empathy. You’re ready to make a difference in the lives of those who suffer. Where to begin? I have two suggestions:
First, strive to become more perceptive of the sufferings of others. Sadly, it is possible to be in the company of someone in pain and yet remain oblivious to their suffering. How can we become more perceptive? Jesus Christ’s example can teach us.
After His Resurrection, when Jesus visited the Nephites, He explained His doctrine and taught them His gospel. When He paused, He looked at the people and said, “I perceive that ye are weak, that ye cannot understand all my words” (3 Nephi 17:2). Jesus then invited them to go home, rest, ponder His teachings, and come back the next day refreshed and ready for more (see 3 Nephi 17:3).
End of the story, right? Not quite. Jesus’s perceptiveness then deepened as He examined the faces of his followers:
“And it came to pass that when Jesus had thus spoken, he cast his eyes round about again on the multitude, and beheld they were in tears, and did look steadfastly upon him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them.
“And he said unto them: Behold, my bowels are filled with compassion towards you” (3 Nephi 17:5–6). As He looked at them more intently, He saw them more completely. And that triggered His compassionate response.
In a fallen world filled with fallen people, we don’t have to look very hard before we see tears in the eyes of our Heavenly Father’s children. But we do have to look. Like the Savior, we can choose to see people through the lens of their needs. And once we can see, we can serve.
Elder Ulisses Soares of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles noted that “as we intentionally strive to incorporate a compassionate attitude into our way of life, as exemplified by the Savior, we will become more sensitive to people’s needs. With that increased sensitivity, feelings of genuine interest and love will permeate our every action.”2
Second, offer the kind of help you are uniquely qualified to give. After Jesus perceived the needs of the Nephites at Bountiful, He beckoned them closer. He then healed their sick and blessed their children. He did things only the Savior of the world could do.
You and I can likewise tailor our experiences and abilities to meet the needs of others. We can’t solve everyone’s problems, but we can lift the load of those whose sufferings we can relate to. We may not be able to heal a leper, but we can comfort the sick. We may not be able to lift someone out of poverty, but we can share principles of provident living, share a meal, and donate a more generous fast offering. We may not be able to forgive sin, but we can forgive those who have offended us.
Putting Empathy into Action
What do you get when you combine a small airplane with an overwhelmed mother and an irritable little boy? A chance to express empathy and compassion.
Our plane landed and the young mother was off, carry-on bag in one arm, little boy in the other. It turned out she had another flight ahead of her and was about to miss it. I watched her panic on the tarmac as her luggage came out. I took stock of her belongings: stroller, car seat, suitcase, carry-on, diaper bag. She needed help. My empathy needed to mature into compassion.
Without stopping to introduce myself, I reached for her many belongings and said, “I’ll take these. You take him. Run to your gate. I’ll follow you.” She accepted gratefully, and we sprinted through the airport. As we approached the gate, I saw another woman pleading with the airline attendant to keep the plane on the ground for just a few more minutes. We approached breathless but triumphant. The young mother and this woman embraced with tears of joy and relief before boarding.
This small act of service didn’t change the world, but it did meaningfully bless the life of a child of God in need. Just as it helped my new friend progress toward her physical destination, it helped me progress toward my spiritual destination. Choosing empathy and compassion helped me become a bit more like Jesus Christ. And this made me happy.
Regardless of where we are—at work or at school, at church or on a plane—we can be empathic representatives of the Savior. Who would the Savior have you extend compassion to today?