Especially for Newlyweds
The Dance of Marriage: Learning Step-by-Step
The authors live in Germany.
How can we get better at resolving conflict with our eternal companions?
Have you ever stepped on your dance partner’s feet? Maybe you had such a great time dancing and focusing on doing the right moves that you forgot to watch where you were going. You probably said sorry and then continued dancing.
Marriage is a lot like that. At times you hurt each other, not because you want to or intend to, but because you are so close to each other. You dance a close dance, emotionally. If a stranger walks past you and makes a negative comment about your hairstyle, you might be able to shrug it off easily. But if the person who is closest to you doesn’t say anything about your new hairstyle, it can hurt quite a bit, even when you know they didn’t mean to hurt you.
So what are you supposed to do in these moments?
Looking to the Savior
In situations where conflict arises, you have a few choices: you can be quiet and allow resentment to build up inside of you, you can react aggressively toward your partner, or you can let them know your feelings and that you need clarity and comfort.
As the partner who hears this, you have a choice too. You can try to argue that it is nonsensical for your spouse to react that way and say you aren’t in charge of their feelings. Or you can focus on your spouse, seek forgiveness, invite the Savior’s healing, and have a desire to comfort him or her.
Elder Ulisses Soares of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles expanded on this message, saying: “There is no superiority or inferiority in the marriage relationship, and neither walks ahead of or behind the other. They walk side by side, as equals, the divine offspring of God …, leading and guiding the family unit together.”
In our marriage, we feel that when one partner hurts the other, even unintentionally, it’s not time to argue. It’s time to comfort and love. It’s time to remember and understand that we are equal partners in the sacred covenant of marriage and that we are on this life journey together.
Now, when one of us says or does something that is hurtful to the other, we understand that it happened because we are so close, not because it was intended to be hurtful. When this happens, we very quickly seek forgiveness, assume the best of intentions, and then pray together for the Savior’s healing power. Praying together in these situations works miracles for us.
When we focus on Him, we feel our resentment wash away and again enjoy a deep sense of peace and connection in our marriage. His healing power helps us do what we can’t do on our own. These struggles become opportunities to strengthen our marriage and our love for Jesus Christ.
The Lord Asks Us to Continually Forgive
When we openly forgive, we feel closer to one another and feel that our marriage is more closely guided by the Savior.
Sister Kristin M. Yee, Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, taught: “The Lord requires us to forgive for our own good. But He does not ask us to do it without His help, His love, His understanding. Through our covenants with the Lord, we can each receive the strengthening power, guidance, and the help we need to both forgive and to be forgiven.”
We love the Savior and feel very strongly that His teachings are the way to a glorious marriage. Through Him, we can find the strength to forgive and let go of contention.
Is there a better place to practice charity, patience, and selflessness?
We pray everyone will invite Jesus Christ to be part of their relationship or marriage. Becoming like Him is the best way to build a happy marriage. Allow Him to guide you in the dance of eternal marriage, and you will see remarkable things happen.