Jesus Christ Gave Me Hope to Live

Six years ago, I tried to end my life.

I had recently been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a difficult mental illness, and I was devastated. I felt like I didn’t have any friends. I felt disconnected from my family. I was depressed and was the loneliest I had ever been in my life. I also felt hopeless because I didn’t see any purpose to life.

I started having thoughts that everyone would be better off without me, and I didn’t want to live anymore. So one night, I tried to quietly end my life.

But graciously, my family found out and took me to a hospital where I was admitted for help with my mental health.

For a few weeks, I still didn’t see any purpose to life and felt no joy or light. My heart grew cold. But eventually I realized I wasn’t truly alone, and I didn’t want to die. As I received professional help, I began to see clearly that my family and friends loved me, and my mental health improved until I had a renewed hope for life. I wanted to find joy and meaning in my life again. I now feel strongly that it was Heavenly Father who gave me another chance and filled my heart with hope.

The Lord Will Always Offer Us His Light

I started attending university, where I met up with an old acquaintance. I didn’t know him well, but something was different about him. He had such a bright, cheerful countenance. I learned from other classmates that he had just returned from serving a “mission.” I had no idea what that was, but when he explained that it involved leaving his friends and family for two years, I was so confused. He seemed so happy and joyful, but if I had been in his shoes, I would have been so lonely.

As we built a friendship, he began to talk to me about his church. From my experience with attempting to end my life, I had a distinct thought that God might be real. I had heard people mention Him and Jesus Christ before, but I wasn’t sure what to believe. So one day, I asked my friend, “Do you believe in God?” Instantly, he shared a passionate and life-changing testimony with me that planted seeds of faith in my own heart. I could see how much joy and light the gospel gave him, and I wanted to experience that joy too.

As I continued to ask him questions, he gave me a Book of Mormon and told me it would give me answers about life. He introduced me to the missionaries. I also started joining him for sacrament meeting, where people with a brilliant light about them showed me love and reminded me of the goodness in the world.

I learned about Jesus Christ, my divine identity and purpose, the love of God and the atoning sacrifice of the Savior, and what that means for me. After three weeks, I was baptized and confirmed as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The gospel has given me a new sense of joy and peace I have never felt before. After learning of my mental illness, I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. But learning that I am never alone in my struggles filled my life with light.

I learned that beyond any dark difficulty, the Lord will always offer us His light.

Life Is a Gift

After a few years, I received the blessings of the temple and ended up marrying the friend who introduced me to the gospel. We were sealed in the Sapporo Japan Temple. I am so grateful for the light, love, and hope that Jesus Christ has brought into my life and relationships. By seeking and deepening my faith in Him and in gospel truths through prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance, I’ve been able to fully realize how much of a gift and privilege my life is.

It means so much to me that Christ gave up His life so I might live. That knowledge truly changed my outlook on my struggles with mental health, and I’m so grateful every day that I get to experience life with Him by my side.

I echo the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, who said:

“To any … out there who are struggling, whatever your concerns or difficulties, death by suicide is manifestly not the answer. It will not relieve the pain you are feeling or that you think you are causing. In a world that so desperately needs all the light it can get, please do not minimize the eternal light God put in your soul before this world was. Talk to someone. Ask for help. Do not destroy a life that Christ gave His life to preserve. You can bear the struggles of this mortal life because we will help you bear them. You are stronger than you think. Help is available, from others and especially from God. You are loved and valued and needed. We need you!”¹

I still face challenges, but now I know that my life has a purpose. I am loved deeply by my Heavenly Father and by so many others. I know I can reach out for both temporal and spiritual help. I often remind myself to keep an eternal perspective, remember that the Savior understands every pain and unfairness I feel, and consider how He can help me become more like Him in the face of trials.

I believe in Jesus Christ and His gospel. I know that with Him, I can always overcome dark times and find light again. Because of Him, I have discovered that it really is possible to love life and have joy and peace, even among challenges. I am so grateful every day for the meaning and the hope He brings to my life. I know if we rely on Him, He will always bring us hope in our lives.

Note

1. Jeffrey R. Holland, “Fear Not: Believe Only!,” Liahona, May 2022, 36.