Microtraining 1

How to Disagree without Becoming Disagreeable

Define

Display and read the following quote from Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

Many in this world are afraid and angry with one another. While we understand these feelings, we need to be civil in our discourse and respectful in our interactions. This is especially true when we disagree. The Savior taught us to love even our enemies. … I invite each one of us individually to recognize that how we disagree is a real measure of who we are and whether we truly follow the Savior. It is appropriate to disagree, but it is not appropriate to be disagreeable. … If we show love and respect even in adverse circumstances, we become more like Christ. (Quentin L. Cook, “We Follow Jesus Christ,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2010, 84–85)

Explain that one way we can disagree without becoming disagreeable is by giving responses that encourage civility rather than contention.

Model

Display the following chart, and discuss as a class the differences between the two columns.

Responses That Invite Contention	Responses That Invite Civility
Responses That Invite Contention I disagree with you because you are just plain wrong.	Responses That Invite Civility Thank you for sharing your thoughts. While we differ in our beliefs, I’m grateful we both feel comfortable sharing …
Responses That Invite Contention You’re just trying to sound smart to cover up that you don’t even know what you are talking about.	Responses That Invite Civility Could you help me better understand what you think about …
Responses That Invite Contention I have the truth. What I believe is correct.	Responses That Invite Civility I respect your beliefs and can see how important they are to you. Let me share why my beliefs are important to me.
Responses That Invite Contention You are a bigot.	Responses That Invite Civility I’m uncomfortable with what you just said. Am I understanding right that this is what you meant, that …

Apply

Invite students to work with a partner and practice taking turns formulating civil responses to the following scenarios:

1. Alfonso is on an airplane reading the Book of Mormon. The person next to him notices what book Alfonso is reading and says, “I hope you know that the Book of Mormon is of the devil. There is only one true book of scripture—the Holy Bible!” Alfonso replies …

2. Julie’s institute class is talking about the roles of men and women. One young man, named Logan, states in a loud and condescending tone, “Since a man holds the priesthood, he has the final say on what happens in his home.” Julie finds Logan’s comment sexist and irritating. She raises her hand and says, …

3. Marda’s roommate has been critical of the standards of the Church. Marda finds her roommate’s view ironic, since her roommate has a lot of problems that are a result of her lifestyle choices. One day Marda’s roommate says, “Your church keeps you from having fun. You are like a prisoner to outdated ideas.” Marda replies, …

End by asking one or two students to share what they have learned from this activity.