I have an appointment with a member who identifies as lesbian, gay, or bisexual or experiences same-sex attraction. What should I do or say?

Show Patience and Love

“Well, initial reactions are critical. And the inclination, the temptation, that people have often is anger or rejection. Sometimes it’s simply denial on both sides of the question, whatever it may be. And it’s important to have enough self-control to lay all that aside and just have a little patience and to begin to talk and begin to listen and begin to try to understand better. We lose nothing by spending time together, by trying to understand. Even where there is not agreement on a course to follow at the moment or how to respond or how to react, we don’t have to do everything today. We don’t have to resolve everything in a month or a week or a year. These things are questions of resolution over time and accommodation over time and seeking the will of the Lord over time and guided by Him over time. So I hope we will give ourselves the time and have the patience to listen and understand and not insist on everything being resolved within a certain framework of time” (D. Todd Christofferson, “Purpose of This Website,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

Validate the Reality of Feelings

“One thing that is always important is to recognize the feelings of a person, that they are real, that they are authentic, that we don’t deny that someone feels a certain way. We take the reality where it is, and we go from there. And we want people to feel that they have a home here, that we have much, much more in common than anything that’s different about us. Some of the experiences that are related there, we talk about that in this website. And I believe it is crucial that we always continue to feel that, to express that, to acknowledge the reality of people’s feelings and circumstances and go from there” (D. Todd Christofferson, “Purpose of This Website,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).