“Lesson 12 Class Preparation Material: Nurturing the Marriage Relationship,” The Eternal Family Teacher Material (2022)
“Lesson 12 Class Preparation Material,” The Eternal Family Teacher Material
Lesson 12 Class Preparation Material
Nurturing the Marriage Relationship
Have you ever seen a couple with a strong, happy marriage and wondered what the key was to their success? President Gordon B. Hinckley observed, “A good marriage requires time. It requires effort. You have to work at it. You have to cultivate it” (“Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb. 1999, 4). As you study the doctrine and principles in this lesson, consider what you can do to prepare yourself for a happy marriage or to better nurture the marriage you have.
Section 1
How can my spouse and I build a joyful, eternal marriage?
In a world where many marriages appear to struggle or end in divorce, some may wonder if marital happiness is really possible for them. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles offered the following message of hope:
Let me declare unequivocally, absolutely, and adamantly that not only is there such a thing as a happy marriage, but happy marriages are the rule, not the exception.
Sister Holland and I are living proof that you can not just be happy but that you can be ecstatically happy. …
You have to work at a marriage. Every good thing that I know of in this world you have to work at.
God will help you. Of all the things in this world that He will help you with, He will help you with your marriages and your families, because it matters to Him at least as much as it matters to you. (“You Asked—They Answered: Marriage and Family,” New Era, Aug. 2016, 3)
Read the following statement by Elder L. Whitney Clayton, who served as a member of the Seventy, about what contributes to a happy and eternal marriage. Consider marking principles you find.
I have observed that in the happiest marriages both the husband and wife consider their relationship to be a pearl beyond price, a treasure of infinite worth. … They know that no other relationship of any kind can bring as much joy, generate as much good, or produce as much personal refinement. …
… Successful eternal marriages are built on the foundation of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and adherence to His teachings [see “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org]. …
… Happy marriages rely on the gift of repentance. …
Humility is the essence of repentance. Humility is selfless, not selfish. … Humility means that both husbands and wives seek to bless, help, and lift each other, putting the other first in every decision. …
… The happiest marriages I have seen radiate obedience to one of the happiest commandments—that we “live together in love” [Doctrine and Covenants 42:45]. (“Marriage: Watch and Learn,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2013, 83, 84, 85)
Discuss in Preparation for Class
Think of a couple you know that has a happy marriage. Reach out to them and ask them to share principles that have been important to their success. As they talk, record what you learn and be prepared to share during class. If you can’t contact someone, watch the video “Expressions of Love” (3:26) and listen for keys to a happy marriage.
Section 2
How can following the example of Jesus Christ help me nurture my marriage?
President Russell M. Nelson taught about the importance of nurturing marriage:
Marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship. Yet some married couples fall short of their full potential. They let their romance become rusty, take each other for granted, allow other interests or clouds of neglect to obscure the vision of what their marriage really could be. Marriages would be happier if nurtured more carefully. (“Nurturing Marriage,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2006, 36)
Among the instruction that the Apostle Paul provided to Church members in Ephesus was counsel regarding marriage.
Study in Preparation for Class
Read Ephesians 5:25, 28–31, and think about how following the example of Jesus Christ can help a husband and wife nurture their marriage.
Following the Savior’s example can help a husband and wife fulfill their “solemn responsibility to love and care for each other” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org). Some efforts to nurture a marriage might be big, but some of the most effective and meaningful gestures are “small and simple” (Alma 37:6). As President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, then of the First Presidency, taught, “Great marriages are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime” (“In Praise of Those Who Save,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2016, 78).
President Linda K. Burton, former Relief Society General President, provided some simple questions we can use to assess our efforts to nurture our marriages:
With a little adaptation, these questions can apply to most of us, whether we are married or single, whatever our home situation might be.
When was the last time I sincerely praised my companion, either alone or in the presence of our children?
When was the last time I thanked, expressed love for, or earnestly pleaded in faith for him or her in prayer?
When was the last time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful?
When was the last time I apologized and humbly asked for forgiveness—without adding the words “but if only you had” or “but if only you hadn’t”?
When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be “right”? …
Will you join me in seeking the help of the Holy Ghost to teach us how we can better lift each other in our complementary roles as covenant sons and daughters of our loving heavenly parents? (“We’ll Ascend Together,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2015, 31–32)
Ponder in Preparation for Class
Think of a specific example or teaching from the life of the Savior that could help someone prepare for or nurture his or her marriage.
Section 3
How do I cleave to my spouse?
In a revelation given in 1831, the Lord gave some general laws of conduct for members of the Church. Included in this was the command “thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:22; see also Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5).
In the scriptures the word cleave means to cling, adhere, stick, glue, or join. “By scriptural definition, then, we find that God expects us to ‘cling’ to our spouse or to ‘stick’ with him or her” (Matthew O. Richardson, “Three Principles of Marriage,” Ensign, Apr. 2005, 22).
President Spencer W. Kimball taught the following about the phrase “none else” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:22):
The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes pre-eminent in the life of the husband or wife and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse. (The Miracle of Forgiveness [1969], 250)
Elder Clayton explained how cleaving to our spouse applies as we use social media:
Prophets teach that successful marriage partners are “fiercely loyal” to each other [see Thomas S. Monson, “Priesthood Power,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2011, 68; Gordon B. Hinckley, “Life’s Obligations,” 4]. They keep their social media use fully worthy in every way. They permit themselves no secret Internet experiences. They freely share with each other their social network passwords. They do not look at the virtual profiles of anyone in any way that might betray the sacred trust of their spouse. They never do or say anything that approaches the appearance of impropriety, either virtually or physically. (“Marriage: Watch and Learn,” 84)
Regarding the importance of making your spouse your highest priority, President Nelson taught the following at a priesthood session of general conference. Although this counsel was addressed to husbands, it is equally applicable to both spouses.
Love and care for your wife. Become one with her. Be her partner. … No other interest in life should take priority over building an eternal relationship with her. Nothing on TV, a mobile device, or a computer is more important than her well-being. Take an inventory of how you spend your time and where you devote your energy. That will tell you where your heart is. Pray to have your heart attuned to your wife’s heart. Seek to bring her joy. (“We Can Do Better and Be Better,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2019, 68–69)
Act
Follow President Nelson’s invitation to “take an inventory of how you spend your time and where you devote your energy” (“We Can Do Better and Be Better,” 68). What adjustments do you need to make now to be better prepared to cleave to your future spouse or to more fully cleave to your spouse if you are married? Record a plan or a goal you can work on this week.