“After the Snark Attack,” New Era, Dec. 2020, 22–24.

After the Snark Attack

By David A. Edwards

Church Magazines

What if you kinda, sorta … forgot the Savior’s teachings and said something mean?

Pop quiz: According to the teachings of Jesus Christ, if someone calls you a mean name, you should:

Call them a double mean name.
Punch them in the nose (or, if the interaction is via social media, tell them they’re “canceled” and get everyone to stop being their friend).
Try to respond with love and respect and avoid contention.

The answer, of course, is c. It’s obvious—or should be. Unfortunately, we don’t always pass this quiz in real life. So, what do we do when we fail to live up to the Savior’s high standard?

Back to the Source

First, some basics. Jesus Christ taught the Golden Rule: “All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (Matthew 7:12). He also taught, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

This is a high standard, but it’s very clearly taught. So when we harshly criticize, judge, or bully people, what are we thinking? Likely, we’re not thinking at all; we’re just following our natural tendencies—giving in to the natural man (see Mosiah 3:19).

When “in Kind” Is Unkind

As in the quiz above, we may sometimes feel like people provoke us into arguments. This is when we’re tempted to twist the Savior’s teaching and do unto them as they did to us. Reacting with the same treatment someone dished out is called “responding in kind.” But when you insult someone who insulted you, “in kind” is unkind.

The scriptures call this “rendering evil for evil,” “returning railing for railing,” or “reviling against revilers” (see Romans 12:17; 1 Thessalonians 5:15; 1 Peter 2:23; 3:9; 3 Nephi 6:13; Doctrine and Covenants 31:9). As disciples of Jesus Christ, we’ve been commanded not to do that.

But it’s so hard to resist sometimes. It’s especially hard when criticism, judgment, insults, and bullying are aimed at us or when it seems like being snarky and belittling is the only way to get anyone’s attention or approval.

When You’ve Been Unkind

So, what if you’ve gotten into a nasty fight with someone? Well, even if you know you were right, and even if you “won” the argument and “destroyed” your opponent, you probably don’t feel very good about it deep down. That’s because the Holy Ghost is telling you that even if your position was right, your behavior wasn’t.

How do you make things right? Here are a few ideas:

Pray for insight and forgiveness. Ask Heavenly Father to let you see your behavior in the right light, and ask Him for forgiveness.
Acknowledge that you behaved badly. Say you’re sorry if you insulted someone. If the exchange was public (maybe on social media), try to publicly acknowledge your error. It will take humility, but that is what’s called for.
Change your heart. Examine your feelings about those you aimed your harshness at. Even if you disagree with their views, you need to esteem them as yourself and love them as yourself (see Doctrine and Covenants 38:24–25; Leviticus 19:18). Pray to the Father for the gift of charity (see Moroni 7:48).
Change your environment. Try to avoid situations that bring out the worst in you. For instance, avoid places where such discussions take place (certain social media accounts or posts, maybe), or avoid these discussions in circumstances where you’re weaker (when you’re stressed or tired, perhaps).
Change your ways. Resolve not to express yourself in hurtful ways. Even if it seems like all the cool people are putting others down, don’t do it. The Savior didn’t say, “Blessed are the cool.” He used other words to describe His disciples: meek, merciful, pure in heart, peacemakers (see Matthew 5:1–12). You can stand up for something without “destroying” or “canceling” people.

When Others Have Insulted You

If someone has insulted you, try to let it go and to forgive them, even if you stop interacting with them. The Lord has commanded us to forgive (see Doctrine and Covenants 64:9–11). As we ask for and grant forgiveness, we can live the Savior’s teachings and pass the ultimate test. We’ll be happier and hopefully help others to be happier as well.