Digital Only: Young Adults
How the Lord Helped Me Understand Divine Worth during My Divorce
As I relied on the Savior through my trials, I learned to see others—and myself—in a new light.
Photograph by Tina Lerohl
Where I’m from in South Africa, there are certain cultural beliefs that emphasize outward appearance and beauty standards, which can be overwhelming and at times has made me feel insecure about my appearance and who I am. And I’ve learned that so many other young adults around the world struggle with body image and self-worth too.
One of Satan’s powerful tactics is body insecurity. He tries to convince us to judge ourselves and others based on appearance. But I’ve discovered that if I try to keep up with the world’s standards of beauty and self-worth, I won’t ever feel satisfied or at peace with who I am.
The key to finding confidence has been striving to see myself and others the way Heavenly Father does. This has allowed me to understand my true self-worth and recognize the worth of others as well.
The Wrong Focus
When I was dating, I saw many scenarios where the worth of others was based on appearance. It made me sad to see how some of my friends went on fewer dates than those who seemed to fit the world’s beauty standards. And, unfortunately, in my own quest for an eternal companion, I also had my own checklist of traits—including physical ones—that I was looking for in a future husband.
Eventually, I did find someone to marry in the temple. And in the beginning, I thought we had a wonderful marriage. But I started noticing that my husband would boast to others about how he had married the prettiest girl in the room, and yet he couldn’t ever seem to say anything nice about my appearance privately. He always commented if my weight changed and told me how to do my hair and how to dress.
A few months after I had our first child, my husband unexpectedly said he wanted a divorce. I hadn’t even known something was wrong. Despite my best efforts, he couldn’t be persuaded to work on saving our marriage, and I was left a single mother.
Later, I discovered he had been involved with another woman while we were still married, and I was astounded to find that she looked just like me but was a few years younger and didn’t have any of the changes that came with carrying and delivering a baby. I began wondering why I wasn’t good enough and focusing on my physical flaws.
In time I learned that my situation wasn’t that rare. As I reentered the dating scene, I heard many stories of young people divorcing because they “lost interest” in their spouse who had “let themselves go” or because there was no “physical spark” anymore.
I cringed each time I heard someone say that looks were the most important part of a spouse. Whenever I thought about the world’s perception of beauty, I wondered if I wasn’t deserving of love because of the changes my body experienced during pregnancy.
What True Beauty Is
As I pondered the meaning of true beauty, I found a quote that contrasted with the world’s view of the matter: “Amid ‘all of the deception’ that may initially occur in dating—including always looking our best—we should remember that appearance and style ‘are essentially unessential.’”1
This helped me understand that seeing each other’s spirits, or what’s on the inside, is what is truly important in finding a spouse and is the key to loving others and ourselves. As disciples of Jesus Christ, we should be focusing on strength of character and on our identities as divine spirits.
My divorce hurt me a lot, but it also gave me a chance to reevaluate the meaning of true beauty and divine worth. If you are struggling to recognize your divine worth or that of others, consider the following tips, which helped me reframe my perspective.
1. Attend the Temple Regularly
In the temple, the world fades into the background and eternity is brought into focus. The more I’ve attended the temple and remembered my covenants, the more my limited perspective has shifted toward an eternal perspective. What seems important by worldly standards doesn’t seem so important in the temple.
But this change doesn’t happen overnight. It comes by consistently spending intentional time in the Lord’s house. As President Russell M. Nelson taught: “Keeping a temple covenant is not constraining but enabling. It elevates us beyond limits of our own perspective and power.”2
2. Learn to Listen to the Holy Ghost
President Nelson also invited us to “increase [our] spiritual capacity to receive revelation. … Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly.”3
When we choose to focus on the things of the Spirit over the things of the world, we will be more prepared to hear His promptings and truths.
3. Pray for Spiritual Gifts
Some spiritual gifts can give us the knowledge and perspective we need to understand our worth and the worth of others. Heavenly Father has urged us to “seek … earnestly the best gifts” and has told us that if we desire and pray for them, we can receive what we need (Doctrine and Covenants 46:8; see also verse 9). The gifts of discernment, charity, and wisdom are all gifts that may be helpful to study and pray for as you seek to better understand the meaning of true beauty and divine worth.
4. Follow the Word of Wisdom
Our bodies are a beautiful gift from Heavenly Father. Satan, who seeks to destroy God’s plan and will never have a body of his own, attacks this sacred gift. Treating our bodies with respect and discovering what they can do when we exercise and avoid harmful substances can help us learn to treasure our bodies and, by example, help others do the same.
5. Focus on the Savior
When we rely on Jesus Christ, we see ourselves for who we truly are—divine children of heavenly parents. As we learn to love ourselves and are kind to ourselves even when we make mistakes, the Savior can help us continue to grow and develop His attributes.
Sister Joy D. Jones, former Primary General President, said, “If the love we feel for the Savior and what He did for us is greater than the energy we give to weaknesses, self-doubts, or bad habits, then He will help us overcome the things which cause suffering in our lives.”4
In striving to see others for who they truly are, I started to practice looking at them differently. If I caught myself judging someone based on their appearance, I would look more closely and try to see what Heavenly Father saw. I was amazed at how God was able to open my eyes. I stopped noticing physical attributes and began to understand what true beauty and worth is—the Light of Christ within each of us.
Drawing Closer to Christ
Even though I have been through painful experiences, I have learned to let Christ heal me and to love my body and my spirit. President James E. Faust (1920–2007), former Second Counselor in the First Presidency, taught: “A conviction that you are a daughter [or son] of God gives you a feeling of comfort in your self-worth. It means that you can find strength in the balm of Christ. It will help you meet the heartaches and challenges with faith and serenity.”5
The world may have its own ideas about the meaning of beauty and divine worth, but as we draw closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, our capacity to see through the distortion of the world and recognize true beauty will grow. May we be blessed to see the beauty of others and ourselves accurately—the way They see us.