From the Mission Field
I Was Mad at Myself for Not Being a Perfect Missionary. Here’s What I Learned from Alma’s People
As a missionary, I was so impatient with myself. But I came to learn just what God expected of me.
When I turned 16 and first got my driver’s license, I drove very cautiously. One day as I was driving to work on a one-lane road, a car came up from behind and drove very close to me. It was clear that the driver wanted to go much faster than I was going, until finally he sped up and flew past me, pulling a very illegal and dangerous maneuver. It startled me a bit, but I just kept driving.
But as I neared the upcoming stoplight, I laughed to myself as I pulled up right behind him. His lack of patience and dangerous maneuver allowed him to reach the stoplight only 20 seconds before I did!
Since that experience, I’ve thought a lot about this driver and the principle of patience. Patience is the ability to get through opposition without becoming overly angry or agitated. When we get angry quickly and lack patience, we, like the aggressive driver, may soon realize that we won’t gain as much as we might have expected.
As a new missionary, I found myself in the shoes of that driver quite a few times. For most people—including myself—patience is not the easiest skill to master. But luckily, I’ve found help through prayer and the scriptures.
Submitting Cheerfully and Patiently
Toward the end of the book of Mosiah, we read about Alma and his people, who were in bondage. Even though at that time they were living very righteously, they were being persecuted and held captive by the Lamanites and the wicked former priests of King Noah.
Alma’s people cried mightily to the Lord, but they had guards placed over them so that “whosoever should be found calling upon God should be put to death” (Mosiah 24:11). This was undoubtedly a high-stress situation. They were suffering and facing so much opposition. But what did they do? The people “did pour out their hearts to [God]” (Mosiah 24:12) and then “the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:15).
And in response to their faithfulness, the Lord said, “Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage” (Mosiah 24:16). The Lord rewarded their patience by delivering them out of bondage!
Throughout trials in life, we sometimes have a hard time submitting cheerfully—and patiently—to the Lord. Although many challenges may seem insurmountable, we can have patience when we trust in God and have hope that through Christ, all will be made right.
God Only Expects My Best
I’ve found that many of us especially struggle with being patient with ourselves. We wait on the Lord and are understanding of our friends and family, but when it comes to ourselves, we can be extremely harsh and unforgiving.
When I started my mission, I was the same way. I wasn’t patient with myself at all. I expected perfection, and when I didn’t get it, I was angry and disappointed. I felt like I was letting my Heavenly Father down, as well as my mission leaders, due to my inability to remember scriptures and certain doctrinal points the way I wanted.
It got so bad that one night I wanted to quit trying. I told myself that I was never going to be what I thought I was supposed to be.
I knelt down and prayed, asking for help to become a perfect missionary, and I got a distinct feeling that I needed to be patient with myself.
As I continued to pray and study, I realized that God didn’t expect anything more than for me to try to be my best self and to work at it every day. President Russell M. Nelson emphasized this when he said we can “experience the strengthening power of daily repentance—of doing and being a little better each day.”1
Heavenly Father didn’t want me to compare myself to other missionaries. He simply wanted me to compare myself to who I was the day before. If I was a better version of myself than the previous day, then I had done a good job. If not, I could strive to be better the next day. This knowledge took a weight off my shoulders and taught me how much my Heavenly Father loves me while encouraging me to be the best me He knows I can become.
We Are All Children of God
Perfect patience is a hard attribute to obtain, and I doubt I will ever master it in this life. Oftentimes I find myself being like that angry driver, trying to weave through life’s seemingly slow lanes, only to find myself frustrated at the red lights placed before me. I’ve learned to appreciate those red lights more now, as they have helped me develop patience and resiliency throughout my life and even more recently as a full-time missionary.
So my message to everyone I meet now is to be kind to yourselves. We are all precious children of Heavenly Father, and He loves you! He doesn’t expect you to be perfect yet, but He does want you to try your best. Whenever you feel that you are falling short, that others aren’t good enough, or that God needs to speed up His timetable, take the foot off the gas a bit, take a deep breath, and “let God prevail” in all you do.2 We will all get to the destination we are hoping for, just on His time.