Especially for Newlyweds
Marriage: It’s All about the Small and Simple Things
As a newlywed, I’ve found that focusing on the little things makes the biggest difference in my marriage.
I was feverishly working on a chilly November afternoon when my husband, Jeffrey, asked me to take our puppy outside.
I begrudgingly braved the frigid weather, feeling slightly annoyed.
When I came back in, I was surprised to see a space heater by my workstation blowing warm air. A deep feeling of love and gratitude for Jeffrey warmed my soul and reminded me just how powerful the small things can be, especially in marriage. After all, “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass” (Alma 37:6). Here are three small things I’ve found that can help you improve your marriage.
Small Shifts of Focus
The more time you spend with someone, the easier it becomes to notice their quirks and bad habits. It can be tempting at times to focus on their flaws.
I’ve noticed that when I focus on the things going “wrong,” my view of Jeffrey and our marriage can become warped. But changing my focus, even by a small degree, helps me see that the blessings in our marriage far outweigh the imperfections.
Every day since we got married, I’ve written down why I’m thankful for Jeffrey. When I catch myself fixating on his imperfections, I focus instead on my list of his Christlike attributes or small ways he has served me. As I try to see Jeffrey as Heavenly Father would, my perspective changes. I am reminded that he is my eternal companion, with whom I get to learn and grow. As President Russell M. Nelson taught, “The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.”1
Small Acts of Love
Many of us may have been bombarded at times with overexaggerated ideas of romance in the media. And if you’re anything like me, your high expectations of love might have led to some disappointment in the real world. But true love isn’t about the flashy actions. It’s about the small acts of love that we do for each other—small acts that reflect our eternal commitment.
As Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:
“Great marriages are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime. …
“If you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow.”2
My idea of romance has completely shifted as I have pondered my covenants with both Jeffrey and Heavenly Father. Even if our love story doesn’t include epic love poems or riding off into the sunset, our story is perfect to me because we have chosen to be together forever. And it’s the small, daily acts of love that continue to build our eternal marriage.
Small Moments of Faith
Jeffrey and I were sealed in the temple during the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. Our wedding ceremony included only a handful of family members, and we didn’t get to have a major celebration after.
At first, I was disappointed that my wedding day wasn’t going to go as I had always planned, but our temple sealer said: “Everything about the ordinances in the temple, including the sealing ordinance, points back to the Savior. If you bring Him into your marriage, you have no need to fear.”
I realized that my wedding day did turn out the way I had always anticipated: I was able to make a covenant with my husband and with God. We laid the foundation to make our relationship an eternal one.
Elder L. Whitney Clayton, an emeritus General Authority Seventy, said:
“I have observed that couples who have made their marriages priceless practice the patterns of faith: they attend sacrament and other meetings every week, hold family home evening, pray and study the scriptures together and as individuals, and pay an honest tithing. Their mutual quest is to be obedient and good. …
“Faith is the foundation of every virtue that strengthens marriage.”3
Since our wedding day, Jeffrey and I have been able to stay connected and be compassionate, kind, forgiving, and loving toward each other because of our faith in the Savior. When we make time for the Lord through scripture study, prayer, and temple participation, the foundation of our marriage grows stronger.
Building a Christ-Centered Eternal Relationship
I still have so much to learn about what it means to be in an eternal, devoted relationship with my husband, and I rely on my Savior every day to teach me how I can become better. Although Jeffrey and I both make mistakes, I testify that if you turn your attention to the small and simple things (even things as simple as a lovingly shared space heater) you absolutely will bring great things to your marriage—including a stronger and more Christ-centered eternal relationship.