Digital Only: Young Adults
If I Struggle with Pornography, Am I Still Worthy of the Savior’s Help?
Striving to overcome a pornography habit can make you feel worthless, but you are always worthy of the Savior’s grace and divine help.
In my experience with counseling Latter-day Saints who are struggling with pornography, I often hear statements like the following:
“I’ve repented so many times and just keep going back to pornography. How can I ever hope to be forgiven? I’ll never be worthy again after all the times I’ve messed up.”
“I know the Savior loves others, but I’ve broken my promises over and over to never look at pornography again. I just don’t see how He could ever love me.”
By working with many wonderful young adults, I’ve learned that to make progress, you need to know you are loved by Heavenly Father and you are always worthy of the Savior’s healing power.1
Here are a few helpful invitations for you:
Find the “Why”
There is hope for any struggling individual who is truly trying to build better habits and to overcome pornography. I have personally seen such people strive with all their might to “avoid all forms of pornographic material,”2 and some of them are the most faithful and compassionate people I have ever known.
As Elder Ulisses Soares of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said about overcoming pornography: “If we turn our hearts to Him, I am sure the Lord will help us solve this problem. ... There are things we can do, and there are things God can do. [We can] repent, forsake sins, ask for help from the Lord, ask for help from leaders, turn our hearts to God. ... And the Lord can forgive us, the Lord can embrace us, can love us, can understand, and can help and give us the strength to never give up. Don’t forget that the grace of the Lord is available to you before, during, and after all you can do (see 2 Nephi 25:23).”3
It’s helpful to understand that overcoming pornography use often requires working through additional underlying issues you might be struggling with, like anxiety disorders or depression. Recognizing issues like these can help you better understand your habit and move forward toward healing and healthier coping mechanisms.
Because of the complicated nature of pornography use, sometimes you may need more help to overcome your habit besides just using internet filters, staying busy, or avoiding the internet. These strategies can be helpful, but they are designed to “control” rather than resolve the issue.
Let Go of Shame
If you struggle with pornography use, it is easy to feel unworthy and believe that you are disqualified from Jesus Christ’s help. You probably feel a lot of shame. Guilt is a healthy response to sin—it shows you the need to repent. But shame, on the other hand, comes from the adversary, who wants you to feel unlovable, inadequate, and alone.
If you’re still struggling to make progress, it might be because of feeling shame. Shame can isolate you and keep you trapped in the cycle of pornography use. Shame is often a driving factor of pornography use.
President Dallin H. Oaks, First Counselor in the First Presidency, has warned us that one of Satan’s greatest lies about shame is the idea “that what [you] have done or continue to do makes [you] a bad person, unworthy of the Savior’s grace and incapable of repentance. That is simply not true. [You] are never too far out of reach from the Savior and His Atonement.”4
Seek to invite the Spirit by praying to Heavenly Father and counseling with your bishop to know how God views you and your efforts. The Savior doesn’t want you to withdraw from Him or those you love. He wants you to connect with Him and those around you.
Seek—Don’t Avoid—the Savior
Many of my clients believe they are unworthy to participate in spiritual activities—the very activities that can help them draw nearer to the Savior (see Matthew 11:28–30). But President Oaks has encouraged all who struggle with pornography to recommit to engaging in personal religious devotion.5
Consistently attending church meetings, reading the Book of Mormon,6 serving, praying, and attending the temple (unless directed otherwise by your bishop) increase your ability to feel and recognize the Spirit. They allow you to reconnect with your divine identity and invite the Savior’s power into your life.
Brother Bradley R. Wilcox, Second Counselor in the Young Men General Presidency, taught: “Some mistakenly receive the message that they are not worthy to participate fully in the gospel because they are not completely free of bad habits. God’s message is that worthiness is not flawlessness. Worthiness is being honest and trying. We must be honest with God, priesthood leaders, and others who love us, and we must strive to keep God’s commandments and never give up just because we slip up. … The Lord has said the gifts of the Spirit are ‘given for the benefit of those who love me and keep all my commandments, and him that seeketh so to do’ [Doctrine and Covenants 46:9; emphasis added].”7
If you have a deep, sincere desire to overcome pornography, you and your bishop can determine your worthiness to renew your covenants with the sacrament and to attend the temple. You can work together on repentance, seeking strength from the Savior, and focusing efforts on healing.
Remember that your worth is truly great in the sight of God and that He loves you perfectly (see Doctrine and Covenants 18:10). He will help you as you continue to strive and seek Him. You are always worthy of His help.