For Mothers of Young Children
Do You Struggle to Ask for Help? Me Too
The author lives in Texas, USA.
Why was asking for help so hard, even though I clearly needed it?
A few weeks after I had my second baby, my husband was out of town and I caught a bad case of influenza. My mother-in-law tried to help me care for my newborn and my 18-month-old, but she had her own health issues and had a hard time keeping up with their needs. Being sick and without my husband, everything was chaotic, and I felt like I had lost control of my life.
It was obvious that I needed help.
I’ve always struggled to ask for help. Doing so has made me feel ashamed, embarrassed, and incapable. But this experience forced me to understand the deeper importance of this principle.
Unrealistic Expectations
The scriptures teach us to “mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:9). And in the gospel, we know the importance of serving and comforting others. But rarely do we accept that we need that comfort at times too.
It’s natural to find ourselves on one side or the other—needing help or providing help. So why is providing help rewarding but needing help is sometimes embarrassing?
I realized that my reluctance to ask for help usually stemmed from two things—my unrealistic expectations to be perfect and my pride.
When I got sick, I compared myself to the incredible mothers in my ward. How could I need help with only two kids when everyone else seemed to be doing fine with way more? Was I not a capable mom?
To me, asking for help reflected my incapability and weakness. That idea grew into an incorrect expectation that I had to solve my problems alone to prove myself.
We Are Meant to Ask for Help
As I wrestled with these emotions and questions, a thought came to mind:
“Isn’t it ironic that I struggle to ask for help when I follow the gospel of Jesus Christ?”
The gospel that teaches us that we cannot save ourselves and are to rely on “the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah”? (2 Nephi 2:8).
The truth is, I can only be saved by relying on Christ.
He suffered so I can, in fact, ask for help. I’m not meant to do things alone.
For disciples of Christ, asking for help should be second nature. Help from Christ is essential not just for repentance but also when we need help dealing with the challenges life throws at us.
I pondered this deeply and thought about the many times I had suffered for holding on to pride and not asking for help.
How many times had my shame in asking for help prevented me from repenting quickly?
How many times had I struggled with hardships that could have been lifted from me?
How many times had I rejected my Savior’s outstretched hand because I wouldn’t admit that I needed it?
President Camille N. Johnson, Relief Society General President, taught: “Jesus Christ is our relief. ... So why do we insist on carrying our rocks alone? ... Brothers and sisters, I can’t go at it alone, and I don’t need to, and I won’t.”1
This truth has taught me that it’s necessary to ask for help.
Asking for Help Brings Us to Christ
I know firsthand that relying on the Savior can be hard. The process strips away my pride, brings me to my knees, and teaches me that I cannot and do not need to do everything by myself.
President Johnson added: “How does the Savior relieve us of the burdens of living in a fallen world ... ? Often, He performs that kind of relief through us!”2 I realized that this includes serving others and allowing others to serve us with His pure love.
After I was humbled, I asked my Relief Society to help me with my babies while I was sick. I understood that asking for their help would bring me closer to my Savior and fully invite His relief into my life.
As I have made intentional pleas for help, repentance and reliance on my Savior have become easier. I now firmly believe that asking for help is essential to my spiritual progress and relationship to Jesus Christ.
I don’t need to compare myself to other mothers or feel inadequate for needing help. We all need each other, and we all need the Savior and His enabling power. We will see that, together, we are capable, and our relationship with Him will be closer than ever.