I Believe
Is the Gospel Really What I Want?
When many were telling me to leave, I began to wonder why I should stay.
A few years ago, I had just ended a relationship and life was hard. I was stuck comparing myself to other young adults I knew. Many were getting married or finishing medical school or just accomplishing amazing things, while I felt like I wasn’t achieving anything remarkable at all.
I was raised in the gospel of Jesus Christ, but as I was feeling depressed, facing unmet expectations for life, and watching friends choose to leave the Church and pursue different lifestyles, I started to wonder if living the gospel was worth it.
Is This Really What I Want?
Young adulthood offers many different paths to take. I had always learned about covenants and lived a life according to gospel standards, but because things were not going well for me, I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to stay on the covenant path anymore.
So when my temple recommend expired, I didn’t plan on renewing it.
Instead, I was angry with Heavenly Father. My hopelessness about life was making it hard to feel worthy or to feel the Spirit. Even though I was trying to pray and read my scriptures and go to church, I felt like my connection to heaven was cut off.
After a while, some friends who had left the gospel behind questioned why I continued to hold on even though my heart wasn’t in it. I wasn’t sure why I kept trying, either. I felt like God was ignoring my pleas for help, and so many sources in the world were telling me to pursue something different. But a speck of faith kept me from letting go entirely.
He Never Changes
Soon I was feeling spiritually lower than I ever had. I was at my wits’ end with my faith. One night, out of desperation to feel any inkling of the Spirit, I listened to the 2020 youth album. Music has always managed to speak to my soul—especially sacred music. When the song “He Will Never Change” came on, the Spirit pierced my heart as I heard these lyrics:
Though the ground is always shifting and you’ve fallen to your knees,
in the wreckage you can find Him,
He is never out of reach.
He’s the rock that you can stand on when the sand is washed away.
And He will never change.1
I had been ready to give up on the gospel, but these truths reminded me that even though I was facing an upheaval of uncertainty, my Savior never changes. He and Heavenly Father are always the same and always ready to pour out Their mercy and perfect love on us (see Mormon 9:9).
In that moment, I clearly felt Their love for me. I didn’t want that feeling to leave. Though my faith felt weak, I realized that the only decision I needed to make was to believe. To stay.
The next day, I called my bishop to set up a temple recommend interview.
Life is not easy, and sometimes I’m surrounded by temptations and setbacks. It can be hard to feel like you are one of few who is following Jesus Christ in this crazy world. But that sacred experience I had with the Spirit reminded me that Heavenly Father and the Savior will always make Their presence known to us when we seek Them.
It’s Never Too Late to Hear Them
I started changing my spiritual habits and slowly rebuilt my testimony. I went to the temple more, I made more effort in scripture study and prayer, and I started to practice gratitude, especially for my Savior.
As President M. Russell Ballard (1928–2023) taught:
“I speak of hope in Christ not as wishful thinking. Instead, I speak of hope as an expectation that will be realized. Such hope is essential to overcoming adversity, fostering spiritual resilience and strength, and coming to know that we are loved by our Eternal Father and that we are His children, who belong to His family.
“When we have hope in Christ, we come to know that as we need to make and keep sacred covenants, our fondest desires and dreams can be fulfilled through Him.”2
This is what I want.
This is why I choose to stay on the covenant path. I am still waiting for a lot of blessings to come, but by choosing faith in Jesus Christ, I see that His promises of hope and joy are real and true. He and Heavenly Father give me comfort and remind me of my identity, my worth, my destiny, and my purpose every single day as I reach for Them.
I know They will do the same for you as you choose to stay.