For Mothers of Young Children
Nurturing the Skill of Motherhood
I needed to learn that motherhood isn’t just a gift—it’s also a skill. And I could get better at it.
I grew up hearing phrases like these:
“Who doesn’t enjoy playing with a small child or holding a newborn baby in their arms?”1
“Even little girls seem to have an instinctive interest and ability in nurturing.”2
None of this resonated with me. I thought that maybe I was broken or that maybe there was something wrong with me because I didn’t enjoy babysitting. I believed I would eventually have children, but I didn’t feel like I had the gift of nurturing.
Fears Confirmed
When I became a mother, I felt like all of these fears were confirmed. I didn’t know what each of my son’s different cries meant. I didn’t always know how to soothe him. I didn’t know how to calm his upset tummy. He (we) seldom slept. While pregnant, I had anticipated taking cheerful walks through our neighborhood, but he screamed if I took him outside in the stroller. But if we were cooped up in the apartment too long, he got restless and bored and cranky.
I read parenting books and prayed, but I had no idea what I was doing. I began to fear that I just wasn’t cut out for motherhood—like maybe the gift of motherhood was something other women had, but not me.
This thought didn’t go away, but I had to push it way down deep. I couldn’t deal with it. I knew the importance of my role as a mother and loved my son dearly, but I felt like I was failing as a mother.
Space to Grow
A few years later, we moved into our first house. I had never had a garden before, but now we had room to grow a small one. Some friends helped me clear the space, and I planted the seeds and starts. I was so hopeful about my new garden. But by midsummer, it was clear that it wasn’t doing very well. I had thought anybody could grow zucchini, but apparently I didn’t get my grandparents’ gift for gardening.
When a woman in my ward with a thriving garden was scheduled to present about gardening at a Relief Society meeting, I knew I needed to go. Maybe she could teach me what I was doing wrong.
She talked about things like the proper amounts of sun and water, but the message I took home was less about gardening and more about grace of Jesus Christ and how He nurtures and enables us to fulfill our divine purposes.
“Growing a garden is like anything else,” she said. “It’s a skill. It requires practice and it requires effort. Don’t think that just because it may not come naturally to you that you can’t learn or become a great gardener. Give it time. Don’t expect to be perfect at it all at once. Just keep trying.”
I had been so hard on myself! It was OK that I wasn’t a great gardener—I was still learning! Like any skill, I had to practice, but I could get better.
It took me a little longer to realize that the same principle applied to motherhood.
Some women are given a fully blossomed gift of motherhood, just as some gardeners naturally have a green thumb. The rest of us, though, can develop the skill of motherhood—just like any other skill.
Nurturing the Seed within Me
President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) taught, “God planted within women something divine.”3 Sister Sheri L. Dew, former Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, added, “That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood.”4
I have the gift to nurture. But it’s more like a seed that President Hinckley describes as being planted within me. No, it’s not fully developed. But it has the potential to grow if I nurture my gift to nurture. It may take more effort for me than for some other mothers, but that’s OK.
Just because it’s not my natural skill set doesn’t mean I can’t get better. The Lord promises that my weak things can be made strong (see Ether 12:27). He promises the same great blessings to those who double two talents to become four talents as he promises those who double five talents to become 10 (see Matthew 25:20–23). It doesn’t matter if I’m not as good as someone else—only that I’m striving to progress.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland promised: “[Heavenly Father] knows that your giving birth to a child does not immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient. ... If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.”5
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ don’t expect me to have a whole garden of mothering skills right away just because They planted that seed within me. I have time to grow. I love my kids and I’m doing my best. And with Heavenly Father and the Savior’s help, that’s enough.