Digital Only: Young Adults
The Problem? Faultfinding. The Solution? Charity
The Holy Ghost helped me see that I needed to change, and through the Savior’s mercy, I had the courage to try.
The scribes and Pharisees brought a woman taken in adultery and presented her to Jesus Christ. They were hoping that He would condemn her publicly. Together, they asked Him if she should be stoned, according to the law of Moses. (See John 8:3–5.)
The Savior responded, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” (John 8:7). Each of them was “convicted by their own conscience” and walked away, “one by one” (John 8:9).
In a recent talk from President Russell M. Nelson about peacemaking and charity, he said: “Examine your discipleship within the context of the way you treat others. I bless you to make any adjustments that may be needed so that your behavior is ennobling, respectful, and representative of a true follower of Jesus Christ.”1
As I listened to his talk during general conference, I felt as if all of my weaknesses were sprawled out in front of me. I painfully reflected on times in my life when I was not very kind, caring, or patient toward those around me. I mentally examined my discipleship and saw something hidden in the background, something I had never paid much attention to before.
I noticed that, like the Pharisees, I often subconsciously judge people based on one quick moment in time.
Knowing I Needed to Change
I found my weakness in the words of our prophet when he said: “Vulgarity, faultfinding, and evil speaking of others are all too common. Too many pundits, politicians, entertainers, and other influencers throw insults constantly. I am greatly concerned that so many people seem to believe that it is completely acceptable to condemn, malign, and vilify anyone who does not agree with them.”2
The phrase “faultfinding” had a particularly strong impact on me.
Faultfinding essentially means that we intentionally look for flaws and imperfections in someone else—from the way someone dresses to their hobbies to the things they do and say. And I found that I mentally judge people based on an imaginary standard I create in my mind.
Shockingly, I realized I also hold myself to this imaginary high standard. I often find faults in my appearance, my personality, and my quirks. I judge others harshly because I judge myself harshly.
As I listened to President Nelson’s words, the Spirit showed me a piece of my heart that I honestly didn’t want to recognize was there.
I knew that I needed to change.
The Savior’s Mercy
I was nervous to feel called out again during the next session of conference as President Nelson’s message still rang in my mind. So I decided to look at the notes I took from his talk, and I noticed I had scribbled a particularly powerful phrase he spoke:
“Charity is the antidote to contention.”3
Jesus Christ’s love was the antidote to the woman caught in adultery’s shame. In the moment of accusation, Jesus Christ stood up and asked, “Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?” (John 8:10). She responded to Jesus that there was no one left to accuse her, for they had all left. And then the Savior kindly responded, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).
The Savior was merciful, understanding, and compassionate toward this woman as He invited her to repent of her sins.
He offered her charity—His pure love.
President Nelson continued, “When we humble ourselves before God and pray with all the energy of our hearts, God will grant us charity [see Moroni 7:48].”4 I realized in that moment that despite my imperfections, He would offer me charity too in my moments of struggle. He could help me have more charity for myself and offer more to others as well.
People are imperfect, and there are moments when we want nothing more than to condemn others (especially to make ourselves feel better). But instead, we can accept the prophet’s invitation.
We can “lay aside bitterness”5 and “choose to be a peacemaker.”6
A Work in Progress
Our prophet also promised that when we have greater charity and less contention and judgment, we “will arise as a spiritually strong man or woman of Christ.”7
If you feel weak in an area—or multiple areas—of your discipleship, please know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love you. They can help you realize how empowering Their perfect love can be when you seek Their help in humility and faith (see Ether 12:27) and exercise charity toward others (see Moroni 7:47–48).
I’m still a work in progress. But when I remember the mercy and charity that the Savior shows to me, I recognize that I’m also capable of finding light and goodness in myself and others. And I know that as we look to His example, we can build deep, loving connections with those around us. We can gather Israel and build Zion.
I’m truly amazed at the sacred love that Jesus Christ freely offers us as we work through our imperfections and weaknesses, and I know that great blessings wait for those who take President Nelson’s invitation to become a peacemaker.