General Conference Gave Me Hope When I Was Struggling to Find True Friends
What does Christ’s perfect example of friendship mean for me in my continued search for friends?
I was traveling alone and far from home when I realized I didn’t have any friends. At least, not the kind I wanted. Not true friends who were willing to reach out to me or comfort me. Not the close friendships I had in high school, when life seemed simpler.
The more I tried to reach out to people I had thought of as friends, the more I felt the distance between us. They were busy moving on with their lives—dating, going to school, and meeting new people. The distracted text messages I did receive seemed curt and dismissive. I began to feel like they didn’t care about me. I sank into my loneliness with a bitter determination and slowly pushed them out of my life to keep myself from getting hurt.
When I returned home, I began to study friendship. I wondered, does true friendship as I defined it really exist? Or is friendship the superficial, distant thing that social media and growing up makes it seem to be?
Then I listened to general conference.
A Sacred, Cherished Relationship
Miraculously, I didn’t have to listen for very long before I had my answer. “Jesus Christ has long called His faithful followers His friends,” Elder David L. Buckner of the Seventy said.
So I had a friend after all. And that friend isn’t dismissive, distracted, or distanced. In fact, “The Savior uses the term friend to define a sacred and cherished relationship.” Christ views friendship as the same powerful and uplifting connection that I had believed it to be: one that is “exalting, elevating, and eternal.”
With this new understanding, I learned that I can turn to Christ whenever I need a friend—and He will be there. While this filled me with joy, I still felt a longing to experience that connection with others.
So what does Christ’s perfect example of friendship mean for me in my continued search for friends among imperfect people?
A Friend to All
I soon realized that Elder Buckner had the Lord’s answer to my new unspoken question: “I see the Savior’s declaration ‘ye are my friends’ as a clarion call to build higher and holier relationships among all of God’s children.”
When I first heard this, I resisted the idea. I was tired of reaching out to friends when they weren’t reaching out in return. But hadn’t the Savior also felt betrayed by a friend? Yet He still “has called upon us to help one another, lift one another, and edify each other … as He did,” for there are people “who [need] us as much as we need them.”
I was reminded of advice I had received from my Relief Society president. She told me that she chooses to view everyone as her friend from the moment she meets them. “It makes people happy to be treated like a friend,” she explained.
In that moment, I realized I was being selfish. My situation didn’t justify giving up on being a friend to others. While I would like others to help me feel loved in return, that isn’t Christ’s motivation behind friendship. And it shouldn’t be ours.
Becoming Like Christ
It isn’t wrong to desire true friendships built on charity and modeled after our close relationships with the Savior. It is something Heavenly Father wants for all of us. But I have learned that when we do feel forgotten, dismissed, or even rejected, we can rely on our Savior and continue to follow His example of friendship. With His help, we can be the friend we wish to have.
I may still have moments of loneliness as I move forward, but I know now that giving up isn’t the answer. I can continue to seek and build friendships with everyone, trusting that I am blessing others and becoming more like my Savior in the process.