Parental Interviews: A Source of Light and Truth

Elder Steven R. Bangerter

First Counselor in the Philippines Area Presidency

“As parents in Zion, we have a sacred responsibility to teach, instruct, edify, and to fulfill our sacred duty to meet with, counsel, and teach our children.”

In a clarion warning, the Lord taught “And that wicked one cometh and taketh away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of the tradition of their fathers. But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.” ¹

Brothers and Sisters, it is incumbent on us as parents to provide direction in a time when escalating calamities, wars, corruption, secret combinations, and immorality are reminiscent of the wickedness described in the Book of Mormon. All around us we see evidence that Satan has intensified his efforts to destroy the family by corrupting our youth and robbing childhood of its innocence.

As parents in Zion, we have a sacred responsibility to teach, instruct, edify, and to fulfill our sacred duty to meet with, counsel, and teach our children. The Lord counsels, “Inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands,… the sin be upon the heads of the parents.” ²

Few experiences are more precious than that of a parent meeting personally and individually with one of their children in an atmosphere that is set apart from the normal rigors of life and from the casual, usually superficial conversations that fill our lives. It is a timeless experience, one that carries as many blessings with our adult children as it does with our toddlers and teenagers.

Alma’s interview with Helaman is a classic example of a parent’s tender but probing interview of his son. It is a short, three-question exchange between father and son. Alma was approaching the end of his ministry. He knew that he must select someone to assume the prophetic and record-keeping responsibilities. Helaman was his choice. Therefore, Alma came to his son and asked “Believest thou the words which I spake unto thee concerning those records which have been kept?” Without hesitation, Helaman answered: “Yea, I believe.” Alma’s second question was simply: “Believest thou in Jesus Christ, who shall come?” Again, without delay, Helaman stated: “Yea, I believe all the words which thou has spoken.” ³

What a tribute to the father! Alma had talked of Christ, rejoiced in Christ, preached of Christ, and taught his son to know the source to which he might look for a remission of his sins. Up to this point in the interview, the father’s questions were a sampling of the son’s basic beliefs. Now it was essential that those beliefs be tested and determined as being more than idle lip service. Alma’s capstone inquiry was: “Will ye keep my commandments?” ⁴

We cannot be certain what went through Helaman’s mind as he prepared to give his final response. We clearly get the sense that he knew the necessity of honoring his parents and respecting priesthood authority. His previous actions had verified this fact. I like to think that Helaman’s reply was prompted by a heartfelt desire to be obedient, rather than by a fear of authority. Helaman’s deep love of God, and of his Father Alma, were reflected in his words: “Yea, I will keep thy commandments with all my heart.” ⁵

It is a marvelous thing when a father is able to make his commandments square perfectly with God’s expectations.

This short, informative, and inspiring interview must have pleased Alma greatly. Not only had he communicated heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul with his son, but the son had openly declared his faith and pledged his devotion. To culminate the exchange, Alma, under the inspiration of the Spirit, prophesied and extended this blessing: “Blessed art thou; and the Lord shall prosper thee in this land.” ⁶

Ours is a responsibility as parents to have these sacred experiences with our children on a regular basis. It is good to participate in activities with them such as performing family chores together, going to wholesome movies, walks, camping, hiking, fishing, and other myriad of activities we do with our family. But Brothers and Sisters, in all our efforts may we not lay aside the sacred blessings that come through a one-on-one interview with our children. In that process we should guard against allowing ourselves to become too casual. Be careful not to let the familiar setting of a parent’s interview cause you to forget to set aside enough time in a private setting where you open with prayer and invite the Spirit of the Holy Ghost to be with you.

We must teach our children the value of setting aside a time for these interviews to take place on a regular basis. And strive for interactions that are as inspirational and meaningful as the one between Alma and Helaman. I find it significant that with Alma and Helaman, the father came to the son; the son was not summoned to stand inspection or to give a report. I find it refreshing that the conversation was direct and without any verbal sparring; it was not labored or rehearsed. I find it exemplary that commitment was drawn without prying, wringing of hands, or pressuring (though at times these clearly have their place in the role of a parent). And I find it most beautiful that the father concluded with a tender blessing.

On one occasion when I arrived home late from church meetings, my wife expressed concern about one of our sons. She was worried, because the events of the day had seemed to demonstrate that our son’s thoughts and actions were not riveted upon serving a mission. Her concerns clearly indicated a desire that I speak with him before going to bed. When I asked where he was, she indicated that he was in his room preparing to retire. I went to the room and sat on the floor next to his bed. I asked if I could speak to him about something that was sacred. He replied ”certainly.” The hour was late, I was tired and so was he—I asked “son, are you still planning on serving a mission?” “Yes,” he answered. “I’ve always planned on serving, and I haven’t changed.” “Son, do you know what qualifies a young man to serve a mission? Do you know what it means to be worthy?” “Yes, Dad,” he said, “I understand the requirements and standards.” I said “thank you, I have one last question: Are you clean and worthy to serve? Could you accept a call if one were issued to you today?”

There was a moment of reflective silence, then he sat up from his pillow, leaned over on one elbow and thoughtfully declared: “Dad, remember when I was little, and we started having father’s interviews?” I said “yes,” ”well” he said, “I promised you then that I would serve a mission and you promised me that you and mom would serve a mission when you got old... [then there was another pause), are you guys having some problem that will stop you from serving...because maybe I can help you.” Quite frankly I was speechless. Together we laughed and felt the warmth of the Holy Ghost in our hearts.

This was a wonderful, beautiful, spontaneous, and sanctifying experience. He has now returned from his mission and married in the temple. But following the pattern established many years ago, we continue to have father’s interviews, though not as regular as they once were.

There is great wisdom in the practices we encourage parents to follow in the Church. Through parental interviews we become better acquainted with our children, learn about their problems and concerns, and establish open lines of communication and trust that will enable us to foresee danger, help them make important decisions, and provide support during difficult times.

In June 1997, the Ensign magazine published an article that included “Twelve Tips for Parent-Child Interviews.” Those tips included the following:

Hold interviews regularly.
Remember that mothers and fathers can interview children jointly or take turns giving interviews separately.
Begin with prayer.
Be prepared to listen more than you speak.
Don’t compare one child with another.
When behavior needs correcting, give a clear but loving explanation of what is wrong and what needs to change.
Agree together what words best describe each problem; then write the problem on a sheet of paper.
Don’t compromise gospel standards.
Don’t discuss one child’s problems with other children. Keep confidences.
Praise each child generously and cheerfully.
Bear your testimony often.

Brothers and Sisters, it is never too late to start. I am grateful for what these experiences have done for me and my family. I know you will be blessed in your role as representatives of our Heavenly Father as you fulfill your sacred stewardship as parents in Zion.

I paraphrase Nephi’s beautiful words in my prayer that your children may one day declare “I was taught in all the learning of my father.”