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God Is Always Good
The author lives in Utah, USA.
Even after losing all seven of our children, we know Heavenly Father’s love for us is constant.
“God is good” was the phrase that came to my mind when my husband and I first learned we were expecting triplets. I had previously lost twins shortly after childbirth when they were born prematurely at 21 weeks. I’d also had two miscarriages. So the news that we were expecting three more babies was a surprise that my husband and I were still processing after struggling with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS).
Fearing the worst, I wondered, “What if these babies don’t live? Does that mean God is not good?” I tried to calm my fears with the mantra, “God is always good.” I further reasoned that my love for Heavenly Father isn’t dependent upon getting what I want. I love Him, and I know He loves me. He knows when I weep and what I am feeling. Though I don’t understand why He allows certain things to happen, I know without a doubt that He desires my happiness.
Because of my complications during previous pregnancies, I was referred to a specialist who carefully monitored my prenatal care during this pregnancy. I was comforted when a visiting General Authority gave me a priesthood blessing after a stake conference and reminded me that God was very aware of my situation and that He loves me. I knew I was in good hands.
A statement made by Elder John H. Groberg when he was serving in the Seventy brought me peace during the long days of this high-risk pregnancy: “When filled with God’s love, we can do and see and understand things that we could not otherwise do or see or understand. Filled with His love, we can endure pain, quell fear, forgive freely, avoid contention, renew strength, and bless and help others in ways surprising even to us.”1
Even with priesthood blessings, the best medical care, and taking precautions to prevent the results from my earlier pregnancies, our triplets were born at 20 weeks for the same reason the twins had previously come early. One of the triplets was stillborn, and the other two died shortly after birth.
During this time, I found great comfort in the talk “Grateful in Any Circumstances” from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. His teachings spoke peace to my broken heart, including these words:
“Some are facing the end of a cherished relationship, such as the death of a loved one or estrangement from a family member. Others feel they are facing the end of hope—the hope of being married or bearing children or overcoming an illness. Others may be facing the end of their faith, as confusing and conflicting voices in the world tempt them to question, even abandon, what they once knew to be true.
“Sooner or later, I believe that all of us experience times when the very fabric of our world tears at the seams, leaving us feeling alone, frustrated, and adrift.
“It can happen to anyone. No one is immune.
“Everyone’s situation is different, and the details of each life are unique. Nevertheless, I have learned that there is something that would take away the bitterness that may come into our lives. There is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, more joyful, even glorious.
“We can be grateful!”2
Based on Elder Uchtdorf’s talk, I started keeping a gratitude journal. In the wake of our twins’ deaths, I’d started experiencing uncontrollable anxiety and despair; the simple act of writing down the good things that had happened each day gave me the courage to let go of the bitterness and blame that had consumed me. I learned to be grateful for every day that I am alive and for the experiences that God gives me. I am a much happier person, despite our losses; I’ve learned to be “thankful in [my] circumstances—whatever they may be.”3
My seven departed little ones are teaching me about gratitude from the other side of the veil. Even though I can’t see them, I feel them influencing my life and helping me to be happy, which is one of the greatest gifts anyone could give me. They have taught me about the important things in life, about what really matters.
There are great blessings awaiting us if we stay faithful to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, obey Their commandments, and keep our covenants. I look forward to the great blessing of being reunited with my children someday and raising them during the Millennium.4 We will have our hands full, but that thought brings me so much joy and reassures me that God is always good.