“After My Divorce, I Needed Strength Beyond My Own,” Liahona, Jan. 2023, United States and Canada Section.
After My Divorce, I Needed Strength Beyond My Own
Studying the Book of Mormon and turning to Christ helped strengthen me to manage the difficult challenges in my life.
Sadly, I was in an abusive marriage. I had heard that people get caught in abusive relationships, but I didn’t understand it until I experienced it.
I loved my husband and chose to focus on his positive traits despite the abuse and infidelity. I wanted to believe him when he promised it would never happen again, but it always did.
My self-worth had become so low that I was susceptible to Satan’s lies that I wasn’t worth much. I didn’t believe anyone else would ever want me. I found myself staying in the relationship partly because I feared being alone.
As I prayed for guidance and received professional counseling, I felt peace in deciding to end my marriage. I was grateful for our amicable divorce and received full custody of our son. At the time of our divorce, I was pregnant with a baby girl, and I knew I would not be able to parent an infant alone. After serious reflection and many prayers about what I should do, I was grateful that my ex-husband agreed to allow me to place our baby girl with an adoptive couple.1
The decision to place our daughter for adoption was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. But I felt strongly she would be better off being raised in a home with two loving parents.
The pain I was feeling at this time was excruciating. I was grieving the loss of my eternal marriage, my baby girl, and the hopes and dreams I had created for my future. I was in despair and needed strength beyond my own.
I had a difficult time being a single mother in the Church, but I believe God blessed me with the gift of testimony, so I remained active.
Nevertheless, I struggled to break the unhealthy patterns in my relationship with my ex-husband. He would just drop by my home unannounced and expect to spend time with our son, and I allowed him to do it. I knew logically that I needed to set firmer boundaries, but it was so hard.
“Are You Reading the Book of Mormon?”
I talked to my bishop about my situation. When he asked me, “Are you reading the Book of Mormon regularly?” I admitted I was not. He invited me to start reading it.
I believed that by following my bishop’s counsel to read the Book of Mormon, I could find answers to my questions and strength to overcome my challenges. I began studying the Book of Mormon with the prayerful purpose of finding God’s strength to help me. I journaled my thoughts and the things I learned as I read. It was a way for me to recognize and remember the things the Spirit was teaching me.
As I studied the Book of Mormon and became closer to the Lord through prayer, I felt stronger than I had ever felt. I experienced increased hope and strength every day. I received power to set firmer boundaries with my ex-husband and others.
Recently, President Russell M. Nelson taught: “Few things build faith more than does regular immersion in the Book of Mormon. No other book testifies of Jesus Christ with such power and clarity.”2
When he said this, I realized I received power because the Book of Mormon testifies of Jesus Christ, and He is the source of strength! Regular immersion in the Book of Mormon builds our faith, which gives us power. I’ll share some things the Spirit pointed out to me as I read.
What I Learned
I knew God was aware of me and that I was not alone when I read Jacob 2.
When I read Mosiah 5, I wanted to experience the mighty change the people experienced, to enter into a covenant with God to do His will, to have my heart changed through faith in Jesus Christ, to be born of Him, and to become His daughter.
When I read Alma 14, I understood that God allows people agency even when they hurt others so His judgment of them is just.
And I trust that everything I go through in this life, good and bad, is giving me experience, which will be for my good (see Doctrine and Covenants 122:7).
This quote by President Ezra Taft Benson (1899–1994) explains my change of heart: “When we have undergone this mighty change, which is brought about only through faith in Jesus Christ and through the operation of the Spirit upon us, it is as though we have become a new person. Thus, the change is likened to a new birth. … You have no more disposition to return to your old ways. You are in reality a new person.”3
This change of heart through faith in Christ is what God blessed me with! It was His gift to me. I could finally act how I wanted to. Satan lost the powerful hold he had on me. We have to actively obey God’s commands and choose things, like studying the Book of Mormon daily, that allow us to have God’s power.
I learned that forgiveness is a gift for the person who has been hurt. I was grateful for the strength I was blessed with to end an unhealthy relationship with my ex-husband. It took longer for me to forgive him for all the pain he put our son and me through. At first, I wanted God to punish him for everything he had done. I felt like he ruined my life, left me with very little, and didn’t care. He never apologized. He showed no remorse. The Spirit taught me I was only hurting myself by holding on to pain and resentment. I had to pray for the gift of humility and trust that Jesus Christ is the only one who has the authority to judge because He is the only one who could complete the Atonement. He is the only one who knows every detail in a person’s life and what leads them to every choice they make. Jesus Christ is the only one who truly knows what a person is accountable for, and He is the only one who knows how to judge justly. (See Mosiah 3:18.)
Turning over that judgment to Jesus Christ was a huge relief. As I prayerfully pondered, the Spirit led me from wanting my ex-husband to be punished to hoping that he makes the changes he needs to be forgiven. He is the father of my son, and I want him to find peace and joy. I trust that God wants every one of His children to be happy eternally. Therefore, those things I cannot understand in this life, I trust that God will work out in eternity.
Experiencing Healing and Forgiveness
I continue to focus on being obedient and repenting in order to keep the mighty change of heart God blessed me with. I also pray for the gift of charity. I want to truly love others as God does. The gift of charity allows us to accept that people are doing the best they can with the knowledge they have at the time. I had to use this principle to forgive myself. It is not fair for us to use the knowledge we have now to judge past mistakes. Life is all about progression, so we need to learn from our mistakes and move forward. Satan wants us to hold on to our guilt and shame because that holds us back from serving God to our fullest potential.
Elder Tad R. Callister, an emeritus member of the Seventy, wrote:
“One of the blessings of the Atonement is that we can receive of the Savior’s succoring powers. …
“… His spirit heals; it refines; it comforts; it breathes new life into hopeless hearts. It has the power to transform all that is ugly and vicious and worthless in life to something of supreme and glorious splendor. He has the power to convert the ashes of mortality to the beauties of eternity.”4
The Savior transformed this into a growth experience. I am so blessed that I’ve been able to experience the succoring powers of the Savior because of His Atonement. He healed my heart so I can forgive, filling me with eternal joy. I’m grateful for my trials because they help me become a stronger, better disciple of Christ. I haven’t forgotten the abuse, but it’s no longer a painful memory. It’s an experience in my life that taught me so much about myself and helped me gain a closer relationship with God. I continue to overcome many challenges in my life by studying the Book of Mormon daily, giving me strength beyond my own.