Patience—a Process and a Gift

By Vaughn E. Worthen

The author lives in Utah, USA.

Practicing patience can become a gift that draws us closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

What happens when a righteous desire is delayed or denied? What about when we are reminded that “they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength” (Isaiah 40:31)? What is the journey like from experiencing disappointment and heartache to having “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28)? That path is different for everyone, but several gospel principles have been helpful for me to remember along that journey.

My family prayed for weeks that turned into months for a cherished brother-in-law who eventually succumbed to COVID-19. His passing seemed cruel and unjust. He was the father of four children, some of whom were struggling with mental health concerns. He left behind a wife who has her own chronic health issues and now must deal with life’s challenges as a single parent. He was the bishop of his ward, providing help to many. We trust that his untimely passing was God’s will. But does trust in God’s will settle all the questions, solve all the problems, or completely lighten the load that comes in the aftermath? If it did, there would be no need to “bear one another’s burdens” or “mourn with those that mourn” (Mosiah 18:8–9). Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles reminds us that “mortal life is inherently unfair.”¹ While trusting God does not necessarily take away all our pains, it can give us great strength and hope to endure them well. We trust that over time, whether in this life or the next, the injustices of life will be compensated by a merciful God. In accepting God’s will, we often simply need to trust that He knows more than we do (see Isaiah 55:8–9) and that He is both just and merciful (see Alma 42:15). Even Job had no inside information for why he was singled out for seemingly undeserved suffering, yet he placed his trust in God.

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is a principle of the gospel, while faith in specific outcomes is not. In that gap lies an opportunity for growth. Elder Dennis E. Simmons, when he was a member of the Seventy, taught that knowledge and power can come from our faith in God, even when our prayers are not answered as we hope. He said, “The but if nots can become remarkable blessings.”² President Russell M. Nelson has also taught that “difficult trials often provide opportunities to grow that would not have come in any other way.”³

Although a brother-in-law’s mortal journey is over at a younger age than any of us expected, his wife and family’s is not. They are left to work things out without a father and husband, but not without a Savior. This process of working things out after heartbreak is often long and challenging, and life is forever different.

Patience is necessary when answers and outcomes are still pending. As President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, then the Second Counselor in the First Presidency, taught: “Without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.”⁴ Patience is the process that leads from cost to gain, raw to refined, disappointment to discovery, disaster to destiny, pain to peace, confusion to clarity, heartache to healing, trials to blessings, and grief to hope. It is a tutor for many of life’s important lessons. Patience often helps us accept “what is” so we can open the door to “what is possible” through Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Life is designed so that things that happen to us provide a catalyst for things to happen within us. Patience can be a receptacle for transforming from being acted upon to becoming agents for ourselves (see 2 Nephi 2:14). Sometimes, patience is discovering our limits so that we are led to the infinite and are able to experience the sustaining power of God’s grace. We stand still and discover “that [he is] God” and holds us in His hands (Doctrine and Covenants 101:16). He knows how to shape us for His purposes and for our own good. He can sanctify every situation, consecrate each affliction (see 2 Nephi 2:2), and deliver us from the power of darkness (see Colossians 1:13). He is the potter, and we are His clay (see Isaiah 64:8), and being molded by Him allows us to develop and show patience.

Patience includes accepting that instead of giving up, we should “give in” to God and discover new pathways for moving forward. But this all unfolds over time, “line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little” (2 Nephi 28:30), looking forward with an “eye of faith” (Alma 32:40), often with only glimpses of our deliverance to promised lands (see 1 Nephi 2:20).

So how can you and I cultivate a friendship with patience? Here are some suggestions.

“Come what may, and love it.”⁵ Patience allows us to extract the honey from life that sweetens our journey. A divine destination requires a mortal journey, and we develop when we accept the tutoring that accompanies both the good and bad in life. As Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin (1917–2008) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.”⁶ Often it is the small and simple things that are most meaningful in life. We can pray for eyes to see God’s hand in our lives⁷ and to view mortality through His eyes. For He sees our adversity as “small moment[s]” (sometimes with high intensity) in the grand scope of eternity, and if we “endure” these moments well, He will lift and exalt us (Doctrine and Covenants 121:7–8).
Learn to be still. God invites all of us to “be still and know that I am God” (Doctrine and Covenants 101:16), and patience aids with that revelation. The constant noise of mortality interferes with our ability to hear the divine whisperings of heaven that remind us of our holy heritage (see 3 Nephi 11:3). We can quiet our fears, avoid getting stuck in discouragement and despair, and look for the evidence of God’s comfort in our afflictions (see Alma 26:27).
Cultivate gratitude. Some feelings lead to impatience, such as anger, fear, and anxiety. Gratitude and other positive perspectives and feelings can increase patience and dispel clouds of despair, pain, and cynicism. These are called the “fruit of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22–23). We can pray for the gift to see the good in life. We can record the good things we see, feel, think, and experience, even during the storms of life. As Elder Renlund has taught: “Each of us has received gifts that we could not provide for ourselves, gifts from our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son. … Every time we use, benefit from, or even think of these gifts, we ought to consider the sacrifice, generosity, and compassion of the givers. Reverence for the givers does more than just make us grateful. Reflecting on Their gifts can and should transform us.”⁸
Improve the ability to choose rest over distress. Adversity is a “refiner’s fire” (Malachi 3:2), designed to test and fortify faith. It is part of God’s plan of redemption and happiness to help us grow (see 2 Nephi 2:11). Difficulties, frustrations, and heartache come as unwelcome guests. Remember they are visitors and need not take up permanent residence unless we invite them. But they may offer surprising “gifts” that help refine us. We can develop the ability to calm ourselves, seek help, shift our perspectives, and find the lessons and purposes in adversity.

How can we do this? As President Nelson pled with us to do: “Find rest from the intensity, uncertainty, and anguish of this world by overcoming the world through your covenants with God. Let Him know through your prayers and your actions that you are serious about overcoming the world. Ask Him to enlighten your mind and send the help you need. Each day, record the thoughts that come to you as you pray; then follow through diligently. Spend more time in the temple, and seek to understand how the temple teaches you to rise above this fallen world.”⁹
Strengthen your faith in God. The challenges of life are invitations to “prize the good” when we “taste the bitter” (Moses 6:55). For without “opposition in all things,” there would be no possibility for righteousness nor happiness (see 2 Nephi 2:11–13), since opposition reveals a choice that enables agency. Remember that faith is not to have a “perfect knowledge” (Alma 32:21); it involves committing to what we believe in the face of uncertainty. Our faith is strengthened as we plant the seed of the word of God in our hearts (see Alma 32:28) and then nurture that seed with patience. Eventually our patience and diligence help us to “pluck of the fruit of the tree of life” (Alma 32:40), which is “a representation of the love of God” (1 Nephi 11:25). Thus, patience helps sustain and make possible the maturation of faith, hope, and charity.

Life unfolds in ways that you and I cannot always anticipate. We might be surprised by opportunity or overwhelmed with sorrow, but remember that “the purposes of God cannot be frustrated” (Doctrine and Covenants 3:1). You and I “cannot behold with [our] natural eyes, for the present time, the design of [our] God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation” (Doctrine and Covenants 58:3). Patience is trusting in “redemption’s grand design”¹⁰ where “God shall wipe away all tears from [our] eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain” (Revelation 21:4). Patience is waiting for promised blessings while presently seeking things that are “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy” (Articles of Faith 1:13). It is, as the Apostle Paul described, embedded within various elements of charity: suffering long, enduring, bearing burdens well, and not being easily provoked (see 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5, 7).

Ultimately, patience reveals that gifts come in many forms, and one of those gifts is grace, a divine endowment of God’s love and power given to bless us in our efforts to follow Him and serve His children. We can use that patience as we live and serve with love as the Savior did.

President Uchtdorf taught that “patience is a process of perfection.”¹¹ So the next time life provides another opportunity for patience, we can welcome the journey of growth and discovery it offers. Patience can help us heal the divide between what we think we want and what God wants for us. We can learn to first accept and then trust in God’s power to polish us. Patience, in the end, is an invitation to experience the seeds of eternity and the fruits of eternal life. As President Uchtdorf taught:

“The Savior Himself said that in your patience you possess your souls [see Luke 21:19]. Or, to use another translation of the Greek text, in your patience you win mastery of your souls [see Luke 21:19, footnote b]. Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most. This was true in the time of the Savior. It is true in our time as well, for we are commanded in these latter days to ‘continue in patience until ye are perfected’ [Doctrine and Covenants 67:13].”¹²