“Joseph and Lessons for Stepparents,” Liahona, Dec. 2023, United States and Canada Section.
Joseph and Lessons for Stepparents
Successful stepparents honor the knowledge that they have chosen to raise a child who is not their natural child but can one day become a king or a queen.
And the Child Grew and Waxed Strong in Spirit, by Walter Rane
In my professional life as an attorney, with more than 40 years in family law, I have worked with many stepparents. In parental relationships that are broken due to tragedy such as death or serious illness or by the challenges of divorce and subsequent remarriages, stepparents are common to many. Yet they are often ignored, diminished, underappreciated, or forgotten.
Since we are all children of heavenly parents, we are all, in a sense, being raised by foster or stepparents. Therefore, we all have a custodial stewardship over any children for whom we are responsible, and so we need to understand its duties and blessings. In his April 2016 general conference talk about fathers, Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles stated, “It should be noted that God Himself entrusted His Only Begotten Son to a foster father.”1
Joseph’s example can help us all understand how special and important stepparents are and can be. Let’s consider principles taught from his life.
Remember Your Children’s Divine Nature and Destiny
Parents should understand who their child is. Heavenly Father showed the ideal when He introduced His Son as “Beloved” (see Matthew 3:17; 3 Nephi 11:7; Joseph Smith—History 1:17).
A key part of Jesus’s development was spending time with Joseph and learning from him. Joseph knew his undertaking was very special, even if he may not have understood all the implications of just how important Jesus was. Joseph knew Jesus was born in a royal earthly line, to be a king. Joseph was willing to name the Christ child what he was instructed to name Him (see Matthew 1:21, 25). What an example of humility and obedience that Joseph was willing to do what his Heavenly Father requested!
Joseph faced the challenge of supporting Mary and the child he knew to be of heavenly origin, in spite of the physical and socially challenging circumstances of Jesus’s birth to Mary. Shepherds, angels, and, later, Wise Men came to declare and honor the sacred birth of the King of this world (see Matthew 2; Luke 2). Joseph knew from the beginning that this boy was the Son of Heavenly Father. Joseph understood the need to honor that knowledge.
All children are born with the opportunity to become kings or queens, princes or princesses (see Doctrine and Covenants 132:19). The only cost to us for the fulfillment of these promises is obedience. Honoring the knowledge that you chose to raise a king or a queen is a challenging, humbling, but necessary understanding for every successful parent and stepparent.
Protect the Children
Mothers and fathers have as one of their main parenting responsibilities the physical and spiritual protection of their children. Heavenly Father knew that the adversaries of righteousness would want to harm Jesus. An angel of the Lord warned Joseph to take his family to Egypt to avoid the horror of King Herod (see Matthew 2:13–14). The angel told Joseph to stay “there until I bring thee word” (Matthew 2:13). Joseph left his home not knowing when or if he would ever return because he had taken on responsibility to protect someone else’s son.
After Herod died, an angel told Joseph to return to Israel (see Matthew 2:19–21). Think of the frustrations stepparents often have when birth parents have requests, concerns, and demands. “Go to Egypt. Wait until I tell you what to do next. Go back to Israel.” There is no record of Joseph ever complaining about this situation, despite the hardships to him, but only righteous prioritization and compliance with what was needed for his stepchild.
Joseph’s obedience to heaven and his protection of and sacrifices for the Savior and Mary are beyond argument a collection of the most selfless, meaningful, heroic, protective, and righteous fatherly acts in all of recorded history. And they were done by a man who was not Jesus’s birth father.
Serve without Recognition
Notice that the scriptures say very little about Joseph. He did not get much, if any, recognition for all the efforts he made. Stepparents are rarely given a stepchild to raise by the knowledge, consent, approval, and plan of both natural father and mother.
After Joseph brought his family back from Egypt, we read again about him only in Luke 2:41–51, when Jesus was in the temple at age 12. At that time Jesus advised Joseph and Mary, “[Knew] ye not that I must be about my Father’s business?” (Luke 2:49), gently suggesting that this was something they should have understood.
That was a situation when many parents would get angry, bothered, or embarrassed by a perceived lack of respect from the child or interference by the natural father. But Joseph understood enough about his future king at age 12 to trust that He had a mind and future of His own and to honor that future.
Because of the goodness of his soul, Joseph seemed to be exactly the kind of self-controlled, righteous man our Heavenly Father could choose to be a good example to the Son of God. The scriptures do not indicate that raising Jesus brought Joseph any worldly blessings. As a voluntary father he humbly accepted the challenges of his decision without published complaint or expectation.
Support Your Children’s Mission
Joseph was a builder, and he likely taught Jesus about those things. Jesus was sent to a father who needed to work, where there were economic and physical struggles. Jesus could learn and observe firsthand what it took to provide for a family’s needs. During those work times, surely Joseph and Jesus came to know and appreciate each other’s personal characteristics.
By working side by side with people, you get to know them. It is also during the times of lengthy working together that people can develop a spiritual connection where they recognize the value of each other’s soul. That is the kind of foster father Heavenly Father chose for His Son.
It is possible that Joseph may have had misgivings about being a foolish, flawed human who had been given the charge to raise the Son of God. As parents, aren’t most of us concerned about our weaknesses, our ability to teach children with love and wisdom, and our ability to understand how to do the right things?
Although Joseph and Mary may not have known everything that would happen to their Son, knowing His divine identity must have created a tremendous sense of responsibility for them. But don’t all parents, including stepparents, need to put in the time to truly come to understand and appreciate the life mission of their children—not the mission the parents want but the mission given their children by their Father in Heaven and inspired by the Holy Ghost in the heart of each child?
I love the words of Mark 14:36, where Jesus testifies of the greatness of Heavenly Father by saying, “Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.” How divine to have a Father so understanding of His Son’s mission for all of us that, despite the suffering it caused both the Son and His Father, the Father still allowed his Son to complete that mission. What a great parental sacrifice!
But perhaps we should not forget the sacrifice of Mary and Joseph, who spent years of their mortal lives engaged in the training of a child who eventually would unselfishly bear all of humankind’s sins and burdens. Teaching our children to be kind and unselfish is also the duty of all parents.
To summarize, here are some actions stepparents can take to help them succeed:
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Recognize they volunteered to raise potential kings and queens.
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Physically and spiritually protect their stepchildren despite the personal burden to themselves.
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Recognize the duty of being a good example in all things.
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Work with their stepchildren in a way that teaches them to be honorable, kind, loving, insightful, giving, sacrificing, helpful, and pure.
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Be humble enough to listen to their stepchildren and recognize it is their duty to teach but also their duty to be taught.
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Develop a spiritual connection with their stepchildren.
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Understand their children enough to come to know and appreciate their life’s mission.
We worship Heavenly Father and Jesus. But we learn from many other people. Heavenly Father chose Joseph as the mortal father for His Beloved Son. Joseph provides a successful example for us as we seek to overcome many of our parenting moments of heartache, stress, and pain. Jesus worked with and learned from him. If learning from a father who was not Jesus’s birth father was part of Heavenly Father’s plan for His Only Begotten Son, that certainly can inspire and comfort all stepparents.
The author lives in Utah.