Lesson 5

How can we prepare as a family for times of separation?

The purpose of this lesson is to give you and your family members the tools you need to prepare for times of separation.

Resources

Following is a list of resources that you can use to study this topic.

• M. Russell Ballard, “What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2005, 41–44

• “Armor of Battle, Armor of God,” Ensign, June 2008, 24–28

• Karen Sandberg Woodson, “Staying Connected,” Ensign, Dec. 2014, 52–55

• “Supporting Military Families,” LDS.org

• “Family Readiness: Essential to Mission Readiness—Unit Deployment Guide for Families,” marineparents.com

Video:

• “At the Movies,” LDS.org

Learning outline

Read the following statement from a woman whose husband was deployed:

“From modern-day prophets as well as in our training and work as behavioral health professionals, both my husband and I understood that families need to spend time together to strengthen their relationships. Our primary concern with military service was that frequent Temporary Duty (TDYs, or work assignments involving traveling), extended deployments, and other obligations would require my husband to be away from our family—anywhere from a few days to more than a year at a time. Still, we felt a strong desire to serve our country and trusted that God would teach us through our trials. Almost six years later, I am grateful for how the Spirit has taught us to keep our family, and especially our marriage, connected” (Karen Sandberg Woodson, “Staying Connected,” Ensign, Dec. 2014, 52–53).

What are some ideas for how to keep your family connected emotionally and spiritually, even when you’re separated physically? If you are the deployed family member, what do you anticipate experiencing during these times of separation?

Principle 1: Staying connected will help your family endure separation successfully.

You want to thrive as a family even during times of separation, but how do you ensure success? Establishing realistic expectations is an important part of this process. List realistic and unrealistic expectations for staying connected during this time, such as how often you will be able to communicate and what information you will or will not be able to share.

Realistic	Unrealistic

Read the following statement from Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and ponder the blessings you can receive from staying connected as a family:

“Crisis or transition of any kind reminds us of what matters most. In the routine of life, we often take our families—our parents and children and siblings—for granted. But in times of danger and need and change, there is no question that what we care about most is our families! …

“In the Church, our belief in the overriding importance of families is rooted in restored doctrine. We know of the sanctity of families in both directions of our eternal existence. We know that before this life we lived with our Heavenly Father as part of His family, and we know that family relationships can endure beyond death. …

“Our family-centered perspective should make Latter-day Saints strive to be the best parents in the world. It should give us enormous respect for our children, who truly are our spiritual siblings, and it should cause us to devote whatever time is necessary to strengthen our families. Indeed, nothing is more critically connected to happiness—both our own and that of our children—than how well we love and support one another within the family” (“What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2005, 41, 42).

Before deployment, you will need to meet many demands and the amount of quality time that you can spend together as a family will probably be limited. What are some simple ways you can strengthen your family relationships?

“Set personal goals for yourself. Goals could include finishing a set of scriptures, becoming more physically fit, [or] becoming more proficient at a skill. Setting personal goals helps you to utilize your separation for something positive and can be a fun topic to communicate about, as well as something exciting to share when you reunite with your family.”

—Sean Boyd, U.S. Navy

Watch the video “At the Movies.”

What did you learn from this video about how to show love for each other during busy or stressful times?

What are some activities that you can plan in order to bring your family closer together before, during, and after deployment?

Principle 2: Planning ahead helps ease the stress of separation.

“One of the main factors distinguishing a military family from other families in the Church is the frequent and sometimes prolonged periods of family separation associated with military duty. Spouses who remain at home with the children face challenges similar to those of single parents” (“Supporting Military Families,” LDS.org, 2).

What are some of the stressors and opportunities for growth that come from periods of separation? List some of the blessings that could come from separation.

If you are the spouse remaining at home, realize that periods of separation can be stressful because you will need to shoulder the bulk of the responsibilities of home maintenance and child care, and you will not always know where your spouse is or what situation he or she is in. You may find out more information by watching the news, but doing so may also increase your anxiety for your spouse. Anxiety in these types of situations is normal, but be careful not to dwell on fearful feelings. If you mentally prepare for these circumstances, you will be better equipped to handle them.

“Before I went to Afghanistan, [my wife and I] each bought a new set of scriptures, and we decided that [reading them] was something we could do together over the time of my deployment.”

—Andrew Blunt, U.S. Army Special Forces Group (Airborne)

(From April 2015 general conference special broadcast, “Faith on the Front Lines,” ksl.com/?sid=34085590.)

If you are the service member, you will receive intense training to help you prepare for your military assignment. While you’re deployed, you will likely feel some amount of emotional distance from your family back home. These feelings are normal, and you need to remain focused on your mission in order to be successful and safe. But you should still take time to reconnect emotionally and spiritually. Spouses should be as understanding as possible about each other’s difficulties.

You may not be facing deployment currently, but you will likely face times of separation from your family members in the future. Begin to prepare now so that you can know what to expect. Discuss as a family what you can do to prepare for deployments. Your discussion could include physical, spiritual, and emotional preparation. If your military unit requires pre-deployment financial and legal paperwork, make sure you gather your personal documents together soon so that you can have them ready.

The following checklist contains a few ideas for how you can prepare for deployment.

Pre-deployment Checklist

• Attend pre-deployment meetings and collect and complete important documents. (For example, make sure you have copies of wills, power of attorney, and so forth. For more information, see “Update These 6 Legal Documents before You Deploy,” MilitaryOneSource.mil.)

• Find out if there is an LDS group leader in your unit or aboard your ship or if LDS services will be available at your deployed site.

• Renew your temple recommend.

• Obtain a priesthood blessing and make sure your family members receive priesthood blessings.

• Dedicate your home so that the Spirit can always be present.

• Purchase a sufficient number of garments to last the duration of your deployment.

• Obtain Church magazines or download copies of the magazines on the Gospel Library app.

• Discuss with your bishop your family’s need for caring and sensitive home teachers and visiting teachers.

• Collect the contact information for your home and visiting teachers.

• Discuss how to handle finances during deployment. (For example, you will need to determine who pays the bills.)

For additional information, see “Supporting Military Families” on LDS.org.

Planning ahead for your deployment will help to reduce the stress of actual deployment. What are some obstacles to planning ahead, and why would it sometimes feel difficult?

Decide to act

What steps will you take this week to prepare for deployment or times of family separation?

What important documents (wills, insurance policies, and so on) should you store in a secure place?

What things can you do to stay connected as a family during deployments?

End of the week

What did you learn from this experience?

Summary of Key Points from Lesson 5

1. Separation will create different burdens for the two spouses, but both can work to be understanding of the other’s needs.

2. Families can cope better with times of separation when they establish realistic expectations for one another and when they create a plan for how to stay spiritually and emotionally connected.

3. Spiritual, emotional, and physical preparation will help you ease the stress of separation. Make sure you have all your legal documents gathered together.

Notes