“Session One: Applying Gospel Principles,” Strengthening Marriage: Resource Guide for Couples (2006)
“Session One,” Strengthening Marriage
Session One
Applying Gospel Principles
With discipleship comes divine guidance in all aspects of living, including how to be a good husband or wife.
President Ezra Taft Benson taught: “Marriage … is the most glorious and most exalting principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ. No ordinance is of more importance and none more sacred and more necessary to the eternal joy of man. Faithfulness to the marriage covenant brings the fullest joy here and glorious rewards hereafter.” The First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles affirmed that happiness in family life “is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.”
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How much joy and happiness do you experience in your marriage?
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What gospel principles can you apply that will increase your happiness in marriage?
The Foundation for Happiness in Marriage
President Gordon B. Hinckley warned: “The family is falling apart all over the world. The old ties that bound together father and mother and children are breaking everywhere. … Hearts are broken; children weep.” Many marriages end in divorce.
When faced with problems and challenges in marriage, some individuals become discouraged and want to give up. Many others commit themselves to their marriage relationship, work on resolving their problems, and enjoy fulfillment, peace, and happiness in marriage.
You can strengthen your marriage and keep your family safe by following the counsel given in the proclamation on the family. You can find solutions to problems by studying the teachings of the Savior and His servants and by praying diligently for the Lord’s guidance. Through prayer, you can receive strength to keep your covenants and to work in unity with your spouse. You can repent of bad habits and forgive. You can learn problem-solving and communication skills to resolve disagreements and avoid potential conflicts.
Strengthening Marriage
The following principles will help you strengthen your marriage.
Abide by Gospel Principles
In the proclamation on the family, the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve declared, “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” Adherence to these principles will lead you to personal righteousness and closeness to God. As your personal worthiness increases, so does your appreciation for others, including family members. With discipleship comes divine guidance in all aspects of living, including in how to be a good husband or wife.
Discipleship brings a revelation of truth, a “knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come” (D&C 93:24). As a follower of Christ, you take on a new perspective regarding family matters as you see “things as they really are” (Jacob 4:13). Harmful reactions such as irritation, anger, or despair are more likely to be replaced with Christlike responses of love, patience, gentleness, meekness, and long-suffering. You more readily see shortcomings as conditions of the human experience. You learn to see mistakes as opportunities for learning and improvement.
Commit Yourself to Your Marriage
When He was asked if it was lawful to divorce one’s spouse, the Savior taught the commitment that should exist in marriage: “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife. … Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5–6).
Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy taught that marriage is a covenant, not a contract. Parties in a contractual arrangement often walk away when problems arise. “But when troubles come to a covenant marriage,” Elder Hafen said, “the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God.”
While love is more of a decision than an emotion, your feelings of love for your spouse may grow or diminish through the storms of life. When difficulties arise, some individuals focus their energies on thoughts of separation or divorce rather than on solving problems and seeking help if it is needed. Unless you make a firm commitment to your marriage and your spouse, you will lack the foundation you need for challenges that come.
Committed couples are willing to invest time and energy to strengthen their relationships. When you commit yourself to your marriage, you care enough to communicate, work out problems, forgive mistakes, overcome weaknesses, and show greater empathy for your spouse.
Keep Your Covenants
Covenants—sacred agreements between God and His children—bring added blessings to help save families. When you encounter problems, you can remember your covenants to find strength to resolve difficulties. Covenants can help in several ways.
Covenants increase motivation. When you marry in the temple, you enter the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. The Lord has pledged to share all He has with those who abide by this covenant (see D&C 132:19–20). President Joseph Fielding Smith declared emphatically, “Nothing will prepare mankind for glory in the kingdom of God as readily as faithfulness to the marriage covenant.”
Covenants guide behavior. The baptismal covenant to follow Christ requires that you love others. It involves keeping the commandments, bearing the burdens of others, mourning with those who mourn, and comforting those who need comfort (see Mosiah 18:8–9). You have made other covenants to follow Jesus Christ and serve Him and His children. If you keep these covenants consistently, you will be able to resolve most, if not all, problems that arise in your marriage.
Covenants bless couples. As He did with Abraham, the Lord blesses His covenant people (see Abraham 2:9). Elder Hafen observed that through obedience to covenants, you will “discover hidden reservoirs of strength” and “deep, internal wellsprings of compassion.” These blessings will strengthen you during difficult and troubled times.
Covenants help save children. President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “When parents keep the covenants they have made at the altar of the temple, their children will be forever bound to them.” President Brigham Young taught that children whose parents are sealed in the temple are “legal heirs to the Kingdom and to all its blessings and promises.” As you keep your covenants, you will strengthen your children and help them remain faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Try to Improve Each Day
Many couples are overwhelmed at the thought of becoming “perfect, even as [their] Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). Discouragement is one of Satan’s greatest tools. Perfection takes time and will not likely occur in this lifetime. If you give up on yourself or your spouse, you open the door to unrighteous influences. But if you have faith and keep trying, you will succeed.
No mortal being is perfect. Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve described the process leading to eternal life: “Let us do the best we can and try to improve each day. When our imperfections appear, we can keep trying to correct them. We can be more forgiving of flaws in ourselves and among those we love. We can be comforted and forbearing. The Lord taught, ‘Ye are not able to abide the presence of God now … ; wherefore, continue in patience until ye are perfected’ (D&C 67:13).”
The Joy of Eternal Families
Consider the immensity of space and the number of God’s creations. The same God who created worlds without number has declared that His work and His glory is to “bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). The work of salvation has been going on for a long time. God wants you to succeed. You can receive the blessings He has in store for you as you obey covenants and follow gospel principles.
The family is a creation of God, and it is central to His plan. President Gordon B. Hinckley taught:
“The Lord has ordained that we should marry, that we shall live together in love and peace and harmony, that we shall have children and rear them in His holy ways. …
“When all is said and done, this is what the gospel is about. The family is a creation of God. It is the basic creation. The way to strengthen the nation is to strengthen the homes of the people.
“I am satisfied that if we would look for the virtues in one another and not the vices, there would be much more of happiness in the homes of our people. There would be far less of divorce, much less of infidelity, much less of anger and rancor and quarreling. There would be more of forgiveness, more of love, more of peace, more of happiness. This is as the Lord would have it.”
Practice
Discuss with your spouse how gospel principles (such as faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, and love)and covenants can strengthen your marriage. Write a plan to make needed improvements. Begin by working on the area of greatest need.
Scriptures
Study these scriptures, and consider how they apply to your marriage: