“Session One: Parenting Principles and Practices,” Strengthening the Family: Resource Guide for Parents (2002)
“Session One,” Strengthening the Family
Session One
Parenting Principles and Practices
“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, … to teach them to love and serve one another.”
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”
The need for loving, effective parents has never been greater. President Gordon B. Hinckley observed that families are “falling apart all over the world. The old ties that bound together father and mother and children are breaking everywhere. … Hearts are broken; children weep.”
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What challenges do you have in rearing your children?
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How can you help your children become responsible, law-abiding individuals who will fulfill their divine potential?
Guarding against Family Breakdown
Many children experience problems that stem from family breakdown, including depression, anxiety, rebellion, academic failure, social withdrawal, addiction to pornography, immorality, and drug abuse. The Apostle Paul warned that in the last days many will be “disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, … lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:2–4).
President Hinckley stressed the urgent need for effective parenting to address such challenges: “My plea—and I wish I were more eloquent in voicing it—is a plea to save the children. Too many of them walk with pain and fear, in loneliness and despair. Children need sunlight. They need happiness. They need love and nurture. They need kindness and refreshment and affection. Every home, regardless of the cost of the house, can provide an environment of love which will be an environment of salvation.”
Attitudes about Parenting
Societal attitudes about parenting often influence the way mothers and fathers treat their children. Many parents are influenced by views that children are (1) innately evil and require harsh punishment and correction; (2) innately good and will achieve their greatest potential if left to themselves; (3) like a blank slate and can be made into any kind of person the parents want; other parents view children as (4) molded by biological factors; (5) able to interpret their environment, shape their own behavior, and alter or abandon parental values. While most of these views contain some truth, any of them taken to an extreme can misguide parents and harm children.
The Light of Gospel Truth
Through revelation, Latter-day Saints know the divine nature of mankind and the manner in which parents are to rear their children. The First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles declared: “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.” They also taught: “ ’Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens. … Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.”
While environmental and biological factors may influence child development, each child of God has agency. Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve observed: “Of course our genes, circumstances, and environments matter very much, and they shape us significantly. Yet there remains an inner zone in which we are sovereign unless we abdicate. In this zone lies the essence of our individuality and our personal accountability.”
Differences in children may require a variety of responses in parents, so parents must be wise in how they respond to their children. President Brigham Young encouraged parents to “study their [children’s] dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly.”
The Authoritative Approach to Parenting
The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve gave nine divinely inspired principles to guide fathers and mothers in their parenting responsibilities: “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” These principles provide a foundation for parental influence that will help children return to live with Heavenly Father.
The greatest of these principles is love (see Matthew 22:36–40). The single most important thing you can do for your children is to love them in a Christlike manner. When your children feel and know of your love, they are more likely to listen to your teachings, follow your example, and accept discipline from you. Love should motivate and guide all your involvement with them. Listening without love will be perceived as disinterest. Discipline without love will be looked upon as unrighteous dominion. Teaching without love may fall on deaf ears. Family life without love will starve the spirits of children and lead to unhappiness and relationship problems.
The parenting principles taught in this course are consistent with the scriptures and closely resemble those of a parenting style called authoritative. This style differs greatly from approaches that are authoritarian (controlling, dictatorial, lacking in warmth and love) or permissive (little or no control, little guidance and teaching).
Authoritative parents have high expectations for their children, and they also show a high degree of warmth and responsiveness. They are loving and supportive. As they guide their children, they generally “encourage verbal give and take and share with their children the reasoning behind their policies. … They exert firm control at points of parent–child divergence but do not hem their children in with restrictions. … [They] guide their children’s activities … and require them to … [help] with household tasks. They willingly confront their children in order to obtain conformity, state their values clearly, and expect their children to respect their norms.” Children raised in this manner are more likely to be socially confident, friendly, self-disciplined, cooperative, and achievement oriented.
The Power of Covenants
You are not alone in your efforts to save your children. Heavenly Father has provided sacred covenants by which His children can receive blessings. When you enter the covenant of eternal marriage and abide by its terms, Heavenly Father promises you eternal life (see D&C 132:20). Brigham Young taught that children who are born in the marriage covenant become “legal heirs to the Kingdom and to all its blessings and promises.” Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and Joseph Fielding Smith all taught that added blessings come to children whose parents are sealed in the temple marriage covenant. These blessings help children return to Heavenly Father, where they remain eternally bound to their righteous parents.
Measuring Parenting Success
Some parents look for indicators of how well they are doing as parents. President Howard W. Hunter gave this direction: “A successful parent is one who has loved, one who has sacrificed, and one who has cared for, taught, and ministered to the needs of a child. If you have done all of these and your child is still wayward or troublesome or worldly, it could well be that you are, nevertheless, a successful parent. Perhaps there are children who have come into the world that would challenge any set of parents under any set of circumstances. Likewise, perhaps there are others who would bless the lives of, and be a joy to, almost any father or mother.”
Practice
Review the nine parenting principles from the family proclamation, and identify one that you can work on to strengthen your family. Set goals that are identifiable and measurable. Once you have successfully implemented your plan, choose another principle to work on.
Additional Study
Study the following, and consider how they apply to your family.
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“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” |