3 Ways to Navigate Difficult Conversations about Church History
We might not know everything about the Church, but we can use difficult questions about Church history as an opportunity to grow.
At some point in life, each of us is bound to have questions about the gospel. That’s just the nature of progressing. But what do we do when we’re asked questions that we don’t even have our own answers to?
If we know how to approach them in the right way, these conversations can actually be great opportunities both for our inquisitive friends and for our own understanding of topics in the Church that are often misunderstood.
Through my own experiences, I’ve learned some key concepts to help navigate these discussions successfully.
1. Be Honest about What You Don’t Know
When my friends come to me with a question about the Church, it’s hard not to feel a sense of authority since I’m generally the only Latter-day Saint in the group. This sense of authority can be dangerous, because I want to have all the answers, but there isn’t anyone to correct me if my answers include sprinkles of opinion, rumor, or just misunderstanding.
I often think of what Steve Harper, a professor of Church history and doctrine at Brigham Young University, said about how his father would handle difficult questions about Church history: “He didn’t pretend to know things he didn’t know. That’s one of the best things he did for me.”1
If there’s a question we aren’t quite sure how to answer (meaning we don’t have a credible source to back it up), it will always be better to acknowledge what we don’t know rather than perpetuate rumors and possibly damage a person’s understanding of the gospel. Our friends will respect us more when they know they can trust the answers we do give them.
Owning up to what we don’t know can also be a chance to either learn more about a topic ourselves or introduce our friends to someone else in the Church who can help.
While it can be exciting when our friends come to us with questions, we can’t let our excitement override the importance of being honest in our answers.
2. Listen for the Why
Questions can come not only from those who aren’t members of the Church but also from family or friends who are members. Whether someone is a member, nonmember, or perhaps a former member, trying to understand why they are coming to us with a particular question can help us know how to effectively continue the discussion.
I’ve had several people from outside the Church ask me about wild and outlandish rumors as well as the true, less understood, and more controversial points of Church history. In many cases, these stories are the only exposure people have to the Church.
While these conversations sometimes begin with addressing a difficult topic, they can quickly turn to genuine interest and amazement as we share the more applicable and powerful doctrines that the restored gospel offers. In this way, I’ve come to see “that the Lord worketh in many ways to the salvation of his people” (Alma 24:27).
When friends and family from within the Church come to us with genuine concerns, it’s important to try to acknowledge and understand how they’re feeling rather than disregarding their questions. These conversations can be critical opportunities to listen closely to the Spirit to know what they need.
When we don’t have satisfactory answers, we can take time with them to help research or simply kneel in prayer to ask Heavenly Father about the questions they have. This will encourage patience with their questions and let them know you care.
There are also times when someone is asking questions for the sole purpose of being contentious. Engaging in arguments over Church history usually doesn’t end up edifying either person. Be wary of these conversations because the instigators may be more interested in attacking your testimony than truly finding answers. You can offer a simple testimony and respectfully disengage to avoid a more destructive conversation.
3. Remember Your Testimony
At the end of the day, the only people who know everything that happened in a historical account are those who were there to witness it. But when we read an account of someone else’s experience and we feel the Holy Ghost testify of truth to us, that becomes our experience and a foundation for our testimony.
When I’m confronted with questions or doubts, I think about all the experiences that have helped me come to know our Father in Heaven. I realize that just as He has answered my prayers in the past, He will continue to do so in His own time. Let us wait patiently for our answers as we strive to help others find their own.