Relying on Others’ Testimonies Isn’t a Crutch—It’s a Gift
I thought I had to have a “perfect” testimony, but Elder Rasband taught me a higher way of thinking.
Have you ever heard the phrase “You can’t live on borrowed light”? That expression has always encouraged me to seek a personal testimony, but it has also caused me some anxiety. I once heard Elder Neil L. Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles say that we would need our own light to face the unexpected “jagged rocks and uneven cliffs” in our lives.1
Jagged rocks?
Uneven cliffs?
Yikes.
Do you see why the idea of living on borrowed light has always made me feel a bit anxious? I think I grew up assuming that unless I could secure every nook and cranny of my own testimony right now, I was heading toward disaster. (And I don’t think I’m alone in feeling stressed about building a testimony.)
Believing Is a Gift
That’s why something that Elder Ronald A. Rasband of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said in the recent Face to Face event both surprised and relieved me.
He read from Doctrine and Covenants section 46, which is about the gifts of the Spirit. First he read verse 13, which says that some are given to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. Before reading the next verse, Elder Rasband took a moment to pause and say, “Verse 14 suggests another gift, and I emphasize it’s also a gift.”
Verse 14 says, “To others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful” (emphasis added).
I’d never thought of believing on the testimonies of others as gift. I always thought it was more of a crutch. But here was an Apostle emphasizing that believing on another’s words was a gift.
“Our young friends, we’re all in a different pathway with that testimony,” he continued. “Some of us have those burning testimonies. Others of us are believing on the testimony of others, and that’s OK. You can believe on ours. … Don’t be discouraged if you find yourself having to believe on the testimony of others. That in and of itself is a gift.”2
I think my audible sigh of relief might have startled my roommate, who was watching the Face to Face with me. Elder Rasband had just given me space to grow. He had reminded me that it was OK for my testimony to be a work in progress, not a finished product.
As I listened to Elder Rasband, the Spirit brought to mind ways my testimony has progressed in the past. For example, when I was in my early teens, I struggled to believe that Heavenly Father could guide me in making decisions. I was pretty sure God cared about me, but I didn’t understand how I could get help from Him. When I went to Young Women classes at church, however, I heard girls who were a few years older than me testify that God had guided them in their lives. Hearing their testimonies kept me open to the idea that it could happen.
I had been believing on their words.
As I moved through high school, I did come to know that God would help guide my life. Experiences with personal revelation showed me that He definitely cared and that I could receive impressions and feelings to direct me. Without really realizing it, I had relied on the older girls’ light until I had experiences that provided me with my own.
Gaining a Testimony Is a Quest
As I pondered more on Elder Rasband’s words, the Spirit also began to teach me how to reconcile the need for a personal testimony with the sometimes slow process of obtaining one.
This quote from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was especially helpful: “Let us acknowledge that most often gaining a testimony is not a task of a minute, an hour, or a day. It is not once and done. The process of gathering spiritual light is the quest of a lifetime.”3
Seeing a testimony as a quest rather than a check mark is liberating to me. We don’t need to feel guilty if we aren’t quite ready to declare “I know” about everything in the gospel or the Church. What does matter is our attitude toward gathering spiritual light—are we seeking more truth and answers to our questions, or are we laid back, even apathetic, toward spiritual growth?
I see now that if we are trying to gain enough light to illuminate the path ahead, we can trust the Savior to guide us through those jagged rocks and uneven cliffs as they come. And what we see as simple belief may be more powerful than we thought. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles pointed out that “belief [is] always the first step toward conviction.”4 In that same address, Elder Holland said, “What was once a tiny seed of belief for me has grown into the tree of life, so if your faith is a little tested in this or any season, I invite you to lean on mine.”5
What an invitation! Whose testimony could be better to lean on for a time than an Apostle’s?
Rather than feeling anxious about having the “perfect” testimony right away, I now feel empowered to keep moving forward on my quest for spiritual light. I am giving myself permission to take the journey from belief to knowledge, trusting in the promise that “all things are possible to [them] that believeth” (Mark 9:23).