When Your Journey Doesn’t Go According to Plan, Remember That Christ Can Be Your Pilot
I have experienced many things I never could have anticipated, including same-sex attraction, but through it all, I have seen how the Lord can guide us in our life’s journey.
I went on my first plane trip when I was 13 years old. I was so excited and had so many expectations about flying, yet I was reluctant to say goodbye to my aunt, who was there to see me off. For some reason, the idea of a plane ride seemed much more significant than a road trip. It felt more permanent, like I was traveling to some far-off place. Although I was only flying a short distance, the thought of change made me nervous.
What if flying wasn’t at all like I had imagined?
As I peered out my window during takeoff, I never could have guessed that in the following years, I would take all sorts of plane rides. I couldn’t have guessed that I would eventually visit most of the United States and six different countries. And I couldn’t have anticipated many other things in my life, especially that I would one day experience same-sex attraction.
Today I’m a 32-year-old active member of the Church who feels inadequate at times. Some days are a struggle, and certain life changes still make me nervous. But it’s the change the Savior asks of me that makes me most nervous: He asks me to change my mind and heart, to stop doubting myself and start trusting in Him. He asks that I trust Him to make everything all right in the end—to trust that, as the Prophet Joseph Smith taught, “all [my] losses will be made up to [me] … provided [I] continue faithful.”1
I can’t and shouldn’t speak for every person who experiences same-sex attraction, but I can testify of what the Spirit has taught me personally. The Lord asks that I trust Him with all my heart, including when it comes to my attraction to other men.
I definitely have times when I feel lonely—moments when the future seems daunting or unfair—particularly as I think about prospects for an eternal companion in this life. To keep moving forward, I first remember the Savior, who, alone and in indescribable agony, asked for His bitter cup to be removed. When it was not, He still endured. (See Luke 22:42–44.)
I then remember Paul, who often stood alone with thorn in his flesh but did not falter (see 2 Corinthians 12:7–10).
If that’s not enough, I recall Job, who refused to curse God for his hardships (see Job 2:9–10).
And what about Joseph Smith? He endured the atrocities of Liberty Jail while Emma endured his absence. (See Doctrine and Covenants 121:1–11; 122.)
I also think of those faithful Saints whose feet bled and faces froze on their journey west, all in the name of keeping their covenants, following the Lord, and enduring to the end.
After considering these many forms of endurance and adversity, I realize that sometimes we might feel alone in following the Lord, but He is with us always, and so many people around us can also give us strength, joy, and comfort. When the Savior knelt in the garden of Gethsemane, “there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him” (Luke 22:43).
And as Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught: “In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike—and they will—you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham’s seed.”2
Preparing to Meet God
In facing my experiences, I strive to follow the advice my older sister once gave me: “Do what’s right, and you’ll be happy.” That’s similar to the advice I once received from one of the members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles when I met with him and asked him what general counsel he would be willing to impart to me.
He simply told me to “keep the commandments.”
While I have resolved to remain faithful to the Lord and recognize that having faith in His plan and promises brings joy into my life, not all my storms have completely subsided. I still experience bouts of depression and anxiety, but those moments allow me to turn to the Savior.
President Henry B. Eyring, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, has taught that “the great test of life is to see whether we will hearken to and obey God’s commands in the midst of the storms of life.”3
On those days when things are hard, I take solace in the knowledge that everything I experience can have a divine purpose: to help me prepare to meet God.
As the scriptures teach us, “This life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors” (Alma 34:32). Today is the day to prepare to meet God. Today is the day to perform our labors, no matter what those labors may be. In my case, I labor to trust the Savior a little more today than I did yesterday.
The lyrics of the hymn “The Spirit of God” (Hymns, no. 2) say, “The Spirit of God like a fire is burning.” There is a reason the Spirit of God is compared to a fire. Fire is an all-consuming cleansing agent. Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles so eloquently explained it this way: “The refiner’s fire is real, and qualities of character and righteousness that are forged in the furnace of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God.”4 If we must pass through the refiner’s fire to meet God, let us be brave and march through the flames, confident in the soothing balm of the Savior.
Jesus Can Be Our Pilot
During a recent flight, I sat looking out the window again, this time with the thought, I wonder what the pilot can see. I wonder what I’m missing back here. And then I realized that I had never stepped in the cockpit of a plane while it was in operation—I had never stepped beyond the partition to witness the view from the front. I’m not a pilot.
Considering those facts, it would be bold of me to tell the pilot how or where he should fly the plane, because he has a different perspective. He knows best how to navigate the storms and turbulence ahead. I could trust him to fly me through unscathed.
That’s what the Savior asks of us. There He is, beyond the partition, flying us onward, maneuvering the storms with His infinite wisdom and foresight. All He asks is that we enjoy our limited view from our seat and trust that He will get us to our destination safely. He asks that we live by the words, “Jesus, Savior, pilot me” (Hymns, no. 104).
Just as I was nervous before my first flight, I wonder if any of us felt nervous the day we said goodbye to our loved ones and left our premortal home. What if life turned out to be nothing at all like we had imagined?
Life is rarely what we imagine it will be—but I testify that if we trust the Lord, it can become even better. We can have meaningful relationships, we can have joy, and we can find fulfillment as we follow Christ.
I never anticipated I would experience many of the things that I have in this life, including same-sex attraction. But understanding the great truth that the Lord can see more than I can has allowed me to use my mortal experiences to grow. I get glimpses of my eternal flight route every so often, but He sees the end from the beginning, and that is why I am willing to put my trust in Him and allow Him to guide me throughout this journey back to Him.