Digital Only: Young Adults

Can I Belong at Home When My Family Doesn’t Accept the Gospel?

Name withheld

How can I belong in a family that is against the Church?

I know what it’s like to have family members with negative views of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It feels lonely. Tense. Strained. It can make you wonder if you are loved.

Much of my family doesn’t believe in the gospel, and one brother openly speaks against it. Even as I’ve strived to feel like I belong in my own home, I’ve still found joy in Heavenly Father’s plan for the family.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned.

Don’t: Push Away

At first, I thought the only way to avoid the hard feelings of not belonging was to cut ties with the family I love.

NOT TRUE.

Heavenly Father reminded me that family is essential to His plan. He wanted me to continue to love them. That said, He doesn’t want us to stay if our circumstances become abusive.

But staying close can be hard with so many emotions involved.

Instead: Love

Sometimes we feel like an outcast among those who are negative toward what we believe.

The day my brother told me that he hated me because I believed in the gospel was one of my hardest days. We might have family members who can’t love us. But we can take comfort in Peter’s words that “if ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you” (1 Peter 4:14).

The Savior has asked us to choose love (see John 15:17), even “if the world hate you … because ye are not of the world” (John 15:18–19). Focusing on loving these family members can lessen feelings of loneliness.

It might be tempting to give up, but remember that patience and trust in God can change relationships. He can work miracles through you.

It took a long time, but as I trusted in God and patiently showed my brother love, he began to see past his hatred of the Church. Our relationship isn’t perfect, but my prayers are being answered one step at a time as I put love first.

Instead: Be a Peacemaker

Though we don’t want to push our families away, we should withdraw at signs of contention. When the contention ends, we can try again. Christ often responded to contention with silence (see Mosiah 14:7). But, as Elder Robert D. Hales (1932–2017) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “To respond in a Christlike way cannot be scripted or based on a formula. The Savior responded differently in every situation.”¹ So, follow the Spirit’s guidance.

Staying silent like the Savior shows your willingness to listen. You can try to understand others’ point of view while holding true to your standards.

After listening, try describing some of your feelings. When I told my family that the things they say that upset me, they responded with love. We discussed how to better respect each other and avoid future contention.

As Elder Walter F. González said when he was a member of the Seventy, “Loving and clear communication can do much to ease any tension that may arise.”²

Don’t: Fall Away

You may feel like the only way to belong in your family is to leave the Church.

NOT TRUE.

Instead: Exercise Faith

Some people who disagree with the gospel might try to make you feel guilty for believing. When my brother left the Church, our family felt like he was asking us to choose between him and the Church. Most of my family chose him and likewise left.

Despite this pressure, I learned to say, “Nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed” (2 Timothy 1:12).

I know who God is, and I choose to trust Him. That faith has helped strengthen me.

Instead: Find Brothers and Sisters in Christ

As Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “In the Church of Jesus Christ, you will find a family of people who are not so different from you.”³

Your brothers and sisters in Christ understand your love of the gospel and can encourage you to come closer to Him. They can give you the belonging you are seeking.

Do: Rely on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ

Elder González also taught: “Even the Savior had family members who did not share His beliefs. In the Bible we read, ‘For neither did his brethren believe in him’ (John 7:5).”⁴

Jesus Christ understands your struggles. Turn to Him for healing. In Preach My Gospel, Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles promised that “all that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”⁵ Despite our desires to belong, the truth is that we often won’t fit in with others when we are followers of God. He has called us His peculiar people for a reason (see 1 Peter 2:9; Deuteronomy 14:2). But because of our covenant relationship with Him, we will always belong to Him. And that is what truly matters.