Are You Avoiding Stillness? I Was
I was constantly distracting myself to avoid my feelings. But general conference messages showed me that stillness is necessary.
I have a very loud mind.
Loud, meaning that my mind is constantly moving all day, every day. I always have something to do, someone to talk to, or somewhere to be.
My schedule is filled to the brim with work, grad school, friends, family, hobbies, temple attendance, and a good audiobook to listen to in any spare moment—I’m as busy as I can be.
However, underneath my positive, extroverted exterior, I have realized lately that I’m always trying to distract myself. I avoid stillness.
Why?
When I’m not busy, I’m forced to face the difficult feelings, uncertainty, and anxiety that I’m constantly trying to bury. I also know that persistent distraction makes it hard to feel the Spirit, who speaks with a still, small voice. This only adds to the discord I feel in my soul.
This realization became all too real to me recently.
How Can I Slow Down?
In the weeks leading up to general conference, my avoidance of stillness came into the spotlight. I had been going about life at lightning speed. I had just moved, I was undergoing lots of medical tests, and I was busy with school and work.
Despite reassuring myself and others that I was OK, I was overwhelmed.
So overwhelmed, in fact, that I suddenly lost the ability to sleep!
For a few weeks, I spent my nights wide awake, plagued by endless worry and insomnia.
These dark hours of the night were the only hours I wasn’t distracted. In the stillness of twilight, every worry I’d pushed aside during the frantic hours of the day was keeping me awake—lining up in a never-ending chain, demanding I give them attention.
So I brought these questions to conference:
How can I slow down? How can I face my feelings and overcome my fear of uncertainty?
And even in my sleep-deprived state, I was wide awake when I heard Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles speak.
He described stillness as “overcoming and tuning out the commotion of our external environment.” He continued, “I pray the Holy Ghost will enlighten each of us as we consider a higher and holier dimension of stillness in our lives—an inner spiritual stillness of the soul that enables us to know and remember that God is our Heavenly Father, we are His children, and Jesus Christ is our Savior.”1
This changed my perspective.
Embracing Stillness
I have always had deep faith that because of Jesus Christ, all will be well, miracles can happen, and I can have peace in any circumstances. But when I am alone with my thoughts, my loud, anxious, fast-paced mind is constantly seeking reassurance.
Will all be well because of Him?
I just want to know for sure!
Elder Bednar’s words reminded me that despite the fear I try to ignore at times, the Savior can truly calm my troubled heart. He can if I am willing to “be still” (Psalm 46:10).
I feel His peace manifest when I quietly study the scriptures. When I pray aloud to focus my loud brain. Or when I ponder in the solace of the temple.
More recently, though, I felt His calming, healing power when I took a walk on a nature trail near my home. As I was about to stick my earbuds into my ears to drown my worries with an audiobook, I decided to walk in silence instead.
I willingly stepped into a space of stillness.
During that walk, I said a long prayer, telling Heavenly Father about my worries, my fatigue, my true feelings, and everything in between. After a while, tears trickled down my cheeks as I felt the Spirit offer me comfort, guidance, and reassurance that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are not only aware of me but with me.
With Christ, I Can Do Hard Things
Elder Bednar continued, saying: “I believe the Lord’s admonition to ‘be still’ entails much more than simply not talking or not moving. … ‘Be still’ may be a way of reminding us to focus upon the Savior unfailingly as the ultimate source of the spiritual stillness of the soul that strengthens us to do and overcome hard things.”2
This means everything to me.
I know that just as the Savior calmed the stormy sea with the words “peace, be still” (Mark 4:39), He can still my mind, my heart, and my soul as I reach for Him with every ounce of faith I have.
I’m still learning to slow down. But because of the messages I heard at general conference, I feel a renewed sense of trust, faith, and certainty that because of Jesus Christ, everything really will be well.