I Love the Gospel, but I’d Lost Motivation to Study It
I was convinced I had all the answers. But did I?
I have a confession to make—sometimes I feel like I have nothing more to learn from the gospel. That isn’t to say I don’t believe in it or can deny the hope and comfort it provides me.
But lately, it’s begun to feel predictable.
I’ve become lazy with my scripture study and prayer habits, believing that, in pursuit of answers, I probably won’t learn anything I don’t already know. In other words, I’ve become spiritually complacent.
So, this general conference, I prayed to hear a message that would motivate me to keep seeking and learning.
Daily Nourishment
When Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles shared his experience about kayaking in Hawaii, I related all too well. Spiritually speaking, I’m prone to zooming forward on a spurt of spiritual energy, only to be overturned when I take a break. I’ll experience a new spiritual insight, a perspective shift, or a feeling of warmth from the Holy Ghost, and then I’ll get lazy, considering my spiritual lamp to be filled with enough oil to last me for the next little while.
But Elder Renlund reminded us that “the elements of the doctrine of Christ … are not intended to be experienced as one-time, check-the-box events. … No, enduring to the end is repeatedly and iteratively applying the other elements of the doctrine of Christ, creating the ‘powerful virtuous cycle’ that President Nelson described.”1
Elder Renlund’s words rang true to me, and I knew I’d been failing to repeat the cycle. Instead, I’d been slowing down when I felt I’d done enough. He continued: “Our faith in Jesus Christ needs to be nourished daily. It is nourished as we pray daily, study the scriptures daily, reflect on the goodness of God daily, repent daily, and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost daily.”2
Again, I knew I was supposed to be doing all these things. I wanted to want to read my scriptures and pray more often, but I wasn’t sure where to find the motivation.
Love God
Only after conference, as I sat skimming my notes, did I find my answer in the talk from Elder Gary E. Stevenson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. It was an answer I surely already knew but had forgotten in my complacency: the first great commandment, to love the Lord (see Matthew 22:37).
Elder Stevenson said: “As I consider further words of Jesus, this commandment becomes much more graspable: ‘If ye love me, keep my commandments’ [John 14:15]. This I can do. I can love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, which then leads to prayer, scripture study, and temple worship.”3
I realized that my motivation for connecting with God had been pretty selfish. I wanted knowledge only. I wanted answers and insights, but I wasn’t too concerned with showing God how I felt about Him. But the truth is, I do love Heavenly Father—with all my heart. And I want to prove that to Him.
Since general conference, when I’m tempted to cut my prayers and scripture study short or skip them altogether, I remind myself that I want God and Jesus Christ to know that I love Them. And as I let that love propel me through my daily efforts of discipleship (faith, repentance, scripture study, prayer, enduring to the end), it’s easier to paddle my kayak and maintain spiritual momentum.
Even when I feel I’m not receiving revelation, answers, or new strokes of knowledge, I find reassurance in the fact that I’m corresponding with the most magnificent Being in the universe and that He is my Father. Loving Him is the best motivation I could ask for.