For Mothers of Young Children
4 Things to Remember When Parenthood Feels Frustrating
Even when I feel frustrated, my children continue to teach me about the peace Jesus Christ can offer me.
“How many times am I going to have to do this with her?” I think.
I set the garbage can near the toilet so my three-year-old can clean up the mess. She has a fascination with fitting as much toilet paper into the toilet as possible. This process has happened enough that as soon as I reach for the garbage can, she rolls up her sleeves, ready to work.
But this time, she reaches into the toilet to scoop out the clog, looks at me with a concerned face, and sighs, “Ugh! That was a naughty choice!”
I laugh but agree. As she scoops out the mess, my love for her grows. The wasted toilet paper, the clogged toilet, and the wet floor no longer matter. Watching her reflect upon her own actions, feel sorry, and do her best to fix her mistake is powerful. Here, in my little bathroom, I am humbled.
Covered in toilet water and soggy toilet paper, I watch her work. I soon realize that my three-year-old daughter is teaching me about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
How many times have I made a naughty choice, and how many times has the Lord forgiven me?
Christ’s Example Can Help Us Become Better Parents
I believe that our questions and moments of agony over our children are all signs that we desire to be good parents. We can choose to nurture this desire, and there is no one better to help us than our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ.
Elder Kevin W. Pearson of the Seventy taught:
“We would do well to spend more time in meaningful conversation discussing our concerns with a loving Father in Heaven[.] …
“… ‘The great task of life … is to learn the will of the Lord and then to do it’ [Ezra Taft Benson, “The Great Commandment—Love the Lord,” 4].”
Answers to our prayers come in many forms. Yes, even in the never-ending frustration of a clogged toilet.
How do we, as parents, learn the will of the Lord and then have the courage to change our habits? I suggest that we pray … a lot! When I take time to stop and pray, these four ideas help me parent more effectively:
1. Remember Your Goals
In moments of frustration, I can choose to take a deep breath and sincerely ask:
“Father, what is my goal? Is the parenting technique I’m about to use going to get me there?”
I’m by no means perfect at this, but when I do it, I dispel fear. I allow my thoughts to be measured, even tranquil, and the Spirit can help guide my next moves.
2. Understand Your Child’s Motivation
When my child is throwing a tantrum, arms flailing, and the noise level is thunderous, I can pray and ask my Heavenly Father:
“What is this child trying to say to me? What is the motive for her behavior? Is she hungry, or does she just need a nap? Does he need a hug? Did something happen in his day that he cannot quite understand or express?”
When I try to understand the motivation behind his or her behavior, I see my child as a person rather than a problem. Even if I can’t exactly understand why they are acting a certain way, simply trying helps me become more like Jesus Christ.
3. Model Christlike Behavior
Sister Joy D. Jones, former Primary General President, taught: “Brothers and sisters, hold your little ones close—so close that they see your daily religious behavior and watch you keeping your promises and covenants. ‘Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.’”
I can pray for the strength to act without anger and speak in the way the Spirit prompts me to. I can pray for the strength to model the behavior I want her to have.
When I choose to do this, I learn to not be disappointed in myself. I feel motivated to gently guide her to the peace she desperately needs.
4. Focus on the Desired Outcome
As I navigate my own “disciple-ship” amid the rolling tides and unpredictable waves that come with parenting, I can pray for the constant ability to focus my sights on my Savior and His Atonement: “And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:39).
When I choose to do this, my parenting becomes peaceful, and I learn to seek prayer rather than perfection.
I testify that our Savior is there to calm our storms. And when we pray often and show our faith, our partnership with Heavenly Father in raising His children grows stronger.
By choosing to pray as we parent, we can become better examples for our children: ever loving, ever learning, and ever growing.