When Your Husband Is Away

When my husband was offered a nine-week job in Alaska, we discussed the pros and cons and decided he should go. My five young children and I would miss him very much; but, rather than merely passing the time being lonely, I determined to find opportunities in this new challenge. The ideas we developed may be useful if you find yourself in a similar situation.

Let the Kids Do the Cooking.

Under my supervision, our eleven-year-old learned to prepare pot roast with vegetables. Others learned to make french toast, salads, nutritionally balanced breakfasts, and simple desserts. Daddy escaped being guinea pig, and with everyone contributing, there were no critics!

Set Goals.

We spent a family home evening listing group and individual goals to be accomplished by Dad’s return. Our four-year-old wanted to learn to write her name and tie her shoes. The five-year-old’s ambition was to write to two hundred, and our nine-year-old aimed for five Scout achievements. Together we decided to read two books of the Book of Mormon, drawing pictures as we studied.

Redistribute the Chores.

Such jobs as lawn mowing and car washing had to be reassigned, adding a little to everyone’s load. To balance out the increased responsibility, we treated ourselves to a weekly outing.

Teach New Skills.

I began to teach the children some of the things I wanted them to know “someday”: laundry sorting, manicuring, mending, lawn mowing, knitting, jam making, and weeding. Depending on age, the sky’s the limit with this one.

Prepare a Surprise for Dad.

We organized dad’s tools and added a fresh supply of handkerchiefs to his clothes drawers. With little effort, we found many creative ideas and they all contributed to the excitement of dad’s homecoming.

Decorate a Room.

Depending on finances, this can be as elaborate as a complete color scheme change or as simple as fresh paint. I painted. However, much can be done on a budget—recovering pillows with sale remnants, wall hangings, bargain bin wallpaper, quilts and afghans. The changes are enjoyed long after the family is reunited.

Personally Improve.

With a decision to be somehow better when my husband returned, I selected one bad habit and concentrated on substituting a good one in its place. I also made a mental list of all the books I wanted to read and found time to complete several of them. I even tried a new diet and exercise program, failing at the latter but dropping ten pounds!

Give Special Treatment.

Each child took a ‘time out’ with mom, in an activity of his choice. We saw matinee movies, played miniature golf, swam, ate fish and chips, and enjoyed swinging in the park. To feel like an individual as well as part of a family is a great boost to self-esteem.

Take Time to be Yourself.

Attending a class, spending a day at the Temple, window shopping, working on the Church farm, or having lunch with a friend provided me with relief, relaxation, and rejuvenation when I most needed it.

Overall, we were able to turn a potentially depressing time into a productive one. Although it’s not fun to be apart, there are important lessons to be learned from the experiences. I became aware of a number of my strengths and weaknesses while “on my own.” I learned, among other things, that too rigid a time schedule did not allow for emergencies—a flat tire, a sudden illness. But foremost was my rediscovery of the blessing of prayer to provide strength, guidance, tranquility—and a remembrance that we are never really independent nor alone. Gayle Walker, Portland, Oregon