Digital Only

Single Expectant Mothers and Fathers—Decisions and Support

By Alison Wood

Church Magazines

If you are a single expectant mother or father or if you are supporting someone who is, turning to the Lord will help you as you seek His direction and follow the Spirit.

We are all children of our Heavenly Father, and because of that, we can each receive personalized revelation from Him. This is important for single expectant mothers and fathers to remember as they move forward, because they face unique challenges, including making decisions for their own life and the life of their child.

A single expectant mother or father has four options: “marriage, adoption, single parenting, or abortion (see General Handbook, 38.6.1, ‘Abortion,’ for an explanation of why the Church does not support abortions except in rare circumstances). What you choose will depend on your unique circumstances.”¹ Ultimately, the decision is up to the parent(s) and the Lord.

Making Decisions as a Single Mother or Father

If you are a single expectant mother or father, remember that the Lord loves you and wants you and your child to lead happy, successful lives. Counsel with the Lord as you consider what choices you will make about your future and your child’s future.

“Remember that whatever you decide for you and your child, some people will agree with your decisions and others will not. Every individual’s situation is different, so the answer for one person may not work for another. One thing you can be sure of is that no one will have given as much time, effort, and thought to the unique circumstances of your situation as you and the Lord. Trust in the divine counsel you receive from Heavenly Father as you make your decision.”²

Family Services offers free counseling for single expectant mothers and fathers, and the staff can help you gain an in-depth understanding of all your options.³ Additionally, you can counsel with family members, trusted friends, your bishop, and other Church leaders who can offer you empathy and love.

Free Counseling from Family Services

“In the United States and Canada, Family Services is available for:

• Consultation with Church leaders.

• Counseling with single expectant parents and their families.

“No bishop’s referral is needed for this service. … There is no charge. Contact information is given below:

• 1-801-240-1711

• 1-800-453-3860, extension 2-1711

• FamilyServices.ChurchofJesusChrist.org

“In other areas, leaders may contact Family Services staff or the welfare and self-reliance manager in the area office.”

General Handbook: Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 38.6.19; 31.3.6, ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

Supporting Single Expectant Mothers and Fathers

When supporting a loved one who is a single expectant mother or father, it can be difficult to know where to start. The Church’s Counseling Resources teach five principles that can help you love and support those in this situation:

1. Love first.

2. Listen to understand.

3. Teach truth.

4. Nourish faith.

5. Minister.⁴

These principles are general, and you can pray to know how to apply them in each individual situation.

Use Thoughtful Language

Another way to support single expectant mothers and fathers is to learn terminology that conveys compassion and reflects a sensitivity to the situation. For example, if a parent chooses adoption, instead of saying “giving up” their child or “putting up” their child for adoption, it is more appropriate to say “placing the child for adoption.” Additionally, those who adopt the child “parent” the child rather than “raise” them. Consider using the terms “birth mother” and “birth father” for those who placed their baby for adoption, and use “mother” and “father” for those who parent them.

Most importantly, seek guidance from Heavenly Father in ministering to others, and show genuine love and respect for those who are making decisions for their own life and their baby’s life. Do your best to be sensitive in the language you use, but even if you don’t know what to say or how to say it, your love and concern can be felt and appreciated.

Member Experiences

Everyone’s situation is different, and we should all seek to understand the situations of others rather than judging them. The following articles share several experiences that offer insights into the decisions of single expectant mothers:

• “Experiencing Peace in Placing My Birth Son for Adoption,” by Hannah Ballard (Liahona, July 2022, digital only).

• “Finding Hope as a Single Expectant Mother,” by Amanda Becker (Liahona, July 2022, digital only).

• “Two Pregnancies, Two Different Decisions,” by Sharlynn Nielsen (Liahona, July 2022, digital only).

• “Single and Pregnant—Important Decisions,” by Marissa King (Liahona, July 2022, digital only).

• “The Adoption Decision” (New Era, Mar. 2006, 28–33).

Helps for Leaders

Leaders who are counseling single expectant mothers or fathers can find helpful principles in Counseling Resources.

Notes

1. Gospel Topics, “Unwed Pregnancy,” topics.ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

2. Gospel Topics, “Unwed Pregnancy.”

3. See General Handbook: Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 38.6.19, ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

4. See “Single Expectant Parents,” Counseling Resources, ChurchofJesusChrist.org.