Member Voices
Doctrine over Custom
My name is Bapont Ngalamulume, I live in Kananga, in central DR Congo; I wanted to share the story about my marriage. A few days after I returned from my full-time mission, I met with my bishop to tell him that I had to return to Kinshasa to pursue my education and to build my life. The post missionary integration challenges were bothering me day and night in every way. My bishop looked me in the eye and told me that it was important to stay in Kananga, my hometown, and to strengthen my family who had just joined the Church when I was on my mission. My stake leaders urged me to stay and edify the Church, and I made the decision to stay in the city and to further my education, to build my life and to serve in the Church. This was not easy for me. On the one hand I had my studies to complete, and on the other hand, I had to simultaneously provide for my younger brother’s education and help my mother who was a widow.
Two great blessings that I received and am grateful for all my life:
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The first of these is the vocational training program run by the Church’s construction department, which helped me improve my carpentry skills. As a carpenter, I had the opportunity to work in missionary apartments and Church facilities, where I could render service and earn income from contractors.
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The second is the perpetual education fund which allowed me to complete my undergraduate studies before being able to pay for graduate studies on my own.
During my last semester as an undergraduate student, while watching the South Africa Area conference broadcast, I was touched by the teachings on marriage and family and immediately made up my mind to consider marriage. That same evening, during a family council, I shared with my family that I would be getting married. My beloved mother and my brother were delighted with this announcement, but I still hadn’t found my future wife. A few weeks later I began to pray and to seek a spouse. After pondering and much looking, I came across a young woman called Agnès Kamuanya, who later became my dear eternal wife.
This sister loved me, and I loved her. She was preparing to serve a mission, and I promised her that we wouldn’t start our life together until we were married in the holy temple, which pleased her even more. In the meantime, the temple was under construction, and we didn’t know when it would be ready for us to be sealed. But we were facing several challenges, including getting the dowry and starting a home. To achieve this, we needed to have the means. I told my dear fiancée that I truly love her, but I don’t have the necessary resources to pay the dowry. She replied that she was aware of that, and that we should pray to achieve our desires. She set a fast day on a certain Thursday, and we fasted with the aim of finding a job and getting married.
A bespoke blessing
I scheduled the wedding date on my phone’s calendar. A few weeks after our fast, two job offers came in, I applied and successfully passed the tests and interviews and I was hired. I signed my contract for six months. I had to work and save some income from my job to prepare for the marriage. My priesthood leaders accompanied me to my in-laws.
Being in the process of getting married, I was expecting that my in-laws would give me a dowry list; my father-in-law was a Church leader, and when my family asked him for the list, he kindly replied, “Go prepare and bring with you what you will get, we are not selling our daughter”.
What a wonderful surprise for my family! We prepared the dowry and presented it to our in-laws, and then organized our engagement at the civil registry office. Meanwhile, the temple building work was nearing completion. We got married and stayed for a few days in our respective family homes, waiting to be sealed before leaving for our new home as I had promised my beloved wife.
My father-in-law was under a lot of pressure from other family members as to why he hadn’t given the dowry list. Yet he successfully explained the importance of marriage to every member of the family.
In the run-up to the wedding, I took the money I’d set aside for the wedding party and allocated it to going to the temple. We made the decision to totally self-fund our trip to the temple. We set an appointment with the temple in writing, and we traveled to Kinshasa in heavy rain. I couldn’t stop excitedly telling my wife, “We’re going to the Lord’s house and fulfilling our engagement promises”.
Blessings at the temple
On the day of our sealing, while we were having photos taken with the family, I received instant payment from a client who owed me. Long before going to the holy temple, I worked off my contract and applied for a new position. After we were sealed, I was invited for the job tests and interviews, but was unable to go as I had no extra savings for the return ticket.
Three days after the sealing, I received a call from my boss asking if I was willing to work on a new project in Kamako by the border with Angola. After prayer, my dear wife told me that I had to take the job. The savings I had, which did not allow for a return ticket home by plane, were enough to cover the cost of my journey by road to my new job location, without having to take the test and interview. This was made possible by the grace of the Lord. So having a job without going through interviews was one of the first blessings received from the holy temple.
From this experience, I learned that the doctrine of marriage was instrumental in helping me enter into marriage as I prioritized marriage in the holy temple rather than a dowry drawn up on a list. It helped me understand that marriage is not a discussion about what to pay in exchange for a wife, but rather obedience to God’s commandment. I also learned that the Lord blesses each of us depending on our desire and faith in Him.
Today, as I look at the Lord’s blessings in our home, our precious children and our families, I am reminded of this promise, The Lord honors those who honor Him. It is my testimony to every young man and woman as they prepare for marriage and my invitation to every parent as they marry off their child, whether a Latter-day Saint or not, the Lord’s doctrine on marriage must come first and take precedence over our customs.
We love the Lord.
I love my sweet eternal wife. I love both our families and I love our eternal children.