Jesus Christ Is Your Strength
Boys and Girls: Getting to Know Each Other
Are you baffled by the opposite sex? Intrigued? Scared away? Cautiously optimistic that a normalization of relations can be achieved? Read on.
Illustrations by Katy Dockrill
In the beginning, God placed male and female on the earth (see Genesis 1:27). And ever since then, it’s been … interesting.
For young people, getting to know members of the opposite sex can sometimes feel confusing, frightening, exciting, mysterious, enjoyable, intimidating, exhilarating—maybe all at once. That’s always been the case. But there are some cultural factors in today’s world that make it even more awkward.
Go Forward, Not Awkward
We asked youth around the world about how boys and girls get to know each other, as well as the problems they deal with along the way. See if this comment from a young woman in South Africa sounds familiar:
“In this day and age it’s almost as if you can’t have friendships anymore. If a boy and girl were to simply interact, people instantly assume that there’s something going on. It’s annoying trying to maintain a friendship when people are constantly pushing you to turn it into something more.”
Another youth put it this way:
“When a boy and girl talk, people naturally assume they are dating.”
We could provide more examples (so many more) from around the globe of youth with this very same lament. But that’s not the only obstacle in play. For example:
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Digital technology and social media make communication easier in some ways but make forming real friendships harder in other ways.
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Diminished trust throughout society makes people wary of others and their intentions. For example, boys often tell us that they find it hard to show even just friendly interest in a girl without wondering if it will be misinterpreted and they’ll be labeled “creepy.”
All of this makes any attempt at friendship with members of the opposite sex awkward. And let’s face it—it was already plenty awkward to begin with.
For many youth, the simpler road might be to avoid the opposite sex altogether until later in life. Which would be a tragedy. If you cut yourself off from roughly half of humanity, you may lose out on valuable friendships. And they’d lose out on knowing you too.
Tamara W. Runia, First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, says, “Connection is really important. Push past those awkward feelings and talk to lots of people (including those of the opposite sex!). Be the first to smile and say hi.”
Bradley R. Wilcox, First Counselor in the Young Men General Presidency, agrees. “Don’t worry too much about what other people think,” he says. “The best way to feel happy and make friends is to act. Don’t wait for someone else to say hi and start a conversation. Your confidence will grow as you replace your fear of what other people think with faith in what God thinks.”
What Does the Guide Say?
Lucky for you, the For the Strength of Youth guide contains this inspired counsel:
genuine friendship
Genuine friendships (with both girls and boys) are healthy and rewarding. They are based on a real liking for someone, as well as honesty, trust, and respect. They also tend to not happen overnight. Genuine friendships are built—one step at a time.
many people
You don’t need to have tons of friends, but you shouldn’t limit yourself when considering whom you might be a friend to. President Russell M. Nelson has taught, “Each day of your life, strive to enlarge your own circle of friendship.” Again—it can be both boys and girls.
wholesome group activities
In many places in the world, a group of boys and girls can get together to have fun doing things that everyone enjoys and that aren’t physically or spiritually dangerous. This can be a great way to get to know many different people. Youth around the world have said that Church activities, both on Sunday and during the week, are some of the best ways to get started.
one-on-one activities
One boy and one girl arranging to be paired together for an activity requires a bit of maturity. Best to wait until at least 16, like the guide says.
exclusive relationships
No matter what you call it, an exclusive romantic relationship is for those who are in a position to think seriously about marriage. Before then, it doesn’t make sense and just invites emotional and spiritual risk. Make your teen years fun, not filled with drama and temptation.
spend time
Being with people and interacting with them in person is valuable and healthy (see For the Strength of Youth: A Guide for Making Choices, 19).
those who help you keep your commitments to Jesus Christ
These are people who may or may not be Church members and who respect you and your beliefs and standards. These are people who do not entice or pressure you to do things that are wrong.
Got Any Advice?
Getting to know members of the opposite sex may seem daunting, it may feel awkward, but it’s worth every effort. Here are a few final thoughts and pointers from youth across the globe.
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“We must not be afraid to get to know one another.”
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“I can have friends and love them without loving them romantically. These relationships also help us have a trusted friend or someone to turn to in a time of need.”
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“One thing that seems to help is going to activities outside our homes where we get to meet and get to know each other better.”
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“I believe that trying to connect in a church, school, or family setting might be easier because there is already something bringing us together.”
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“I have found joy in having the same interests as someone of the opposite sex.”