Does My Discipleship Make a Difference?
I was feeling weary and insignificant in my efforts to follow Jesus Christ.
When I heard President Russell M. Nelson say, “You may have had days when you wished you could don your pajamas, curl up in a ball, and ask someone to awaken you when all this turmoil is over,”1 I felt that. I do have to muster self-control often to not give in to the temptation to retreat under my bed covers for the rest of my life.
Discouraged in My Discipleship
I’ve felt exhausted lately. When it’s not the daily news that seems to only report on endless negative events that tire my soul, it’s struggling with chronic illness and anxiety, feeling helpless as my loved ones face trials, seeing friends leave the gospel behind, and facing so many unknowns that does the trick.
I try my best to fulfill my calling, read my scriptures, spend time in the temple, and pray, and while these do fill me with the Spirit, I have still felt a sense of hollow loneliness at times. When I scroll social media or people-watch, I feel like I am one of few who is striving to follow Jesus Christ.
Many are choosing other paths, and at times, their paths seem enticing when they appear carefree and complacent, while I’m over here tirelessly working to keep my faith sturdy and to be a better disciple of Jesus Christ.
I can’t help but feel a sense of resentment or unfairness at times.
Sometimes I feel weary and hurt when others disregard or mock the faith that makes me who I am.
Often, even small moments of discouragement get to me. Like when I hold the door open or extend kindness to a stranger and they don’t acknowledge me. I wonder, How can I continue to be Christlike when the world doesn’t make it easy or appreciate my efforts?
Sometimes I consider my chronic challenges and the uncertainties of my future, and I question if striving to follow Christ really does make a difference for my life or for anyone else’s.
But then I heard the beautiful words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, who said:
“A true Christian cannot follow the Master only in those matters with which he or she agrees. No. We follow Him everywhere, including, if necessary, into arenas filled with tears and trouble, where sometimes we may stand very much alone.
“… May we follow Him—unfailingly, never faltering nor fleeing, never flinching at the task, not when our crosses may be heavy and not when, for a time, the path may grow dark. … For your strength and loyalty, I give personal thanks.”2
Tears came to my eyes as I heard him—an Apostle of the Lord—thank me, encourage me, and validate me.
It’s Worth It
As hard as this world can be to live in at times, general conference reignited the fiery fuel of my testimony. Living differently from the world may not be easy, but it truly does make a difference in my life and in the lives of those around me.
Following Christ is worth everything.
I was also comforted by this truth from Elder Neil L. Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “It is a wondrous journey to be wheat among the tares, sometimes fraught with heartache but always calmed by the maturing and assuring settling of our faith.”3 Sister Michelle D. Craig, First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, reminded me that “Heavenly Father is more interested in my growth as a disciple of Jesus Christ than He is with my comfort.”4
And following President Nelson’s sobering statement about curling up in a ball, he was quick to say:
“Entering into a covenant relationship with God binds us to Him in a way that makes everything about life easier. …
“... As you let God prevail in your life, I promise you greater peace, confidence, joy, and yes, rest. …
“... Because Jesus Christ overcame this world, you can too.”5
And the biggest plot twist of all: “So many wonderful things are ahead.”6
Followed by a not-so-big plot twist: me crying (again) out of relief and peace from hearing the apostolic blessing and promises of the prophet.
Among the loud, opposing voices, the world makes it easy to feel alone, but there truly are many of us quietly and humbly following Christ, shedding light where we stand.
I know I will still feel weary at times and be tempted to hide under my covers to wait out the terrors in the world. But if I continue to strive to follow the Savior, to keep my covenants, to overcome the world, and to follow the counsel from His prophets, I will always find the miracles of peace, joy, and especially rest in my soul.
And so will you.