Ko hono maʻu e mahino ki hoʻo ngāue ʻaki ʻo e ponokalafí

ʻE lava ke ʻi ai ha ongoʻi lomekina mo manavahē ʻi he ngāue ʻaki ʻo e ponokalafí. Ko ha fuofua sitepu ʻe ala tokoní ko e maʻu ha mahino ki he lahi hoʻo ngāue ʻaki ʻo e ponokalafí mo e founga ʻokú ne uesia ai koé. ʻI he taimi ʻoku mahino ange ai kiate koe ʻa e tuʻunga ʻokú ke ʻi aí ʻi hono ngāue ʻaki ʻo e ponokalafí, ʻoku lelei ange ho faingamālie ke ikunaʻi iá.

Naʻe akoʻi ʻe Palesiteni Tāleni H. ʻOakesi ʻoku ʻi ai ha tuʻunga kehekehe ʻe fā ʻo hono ngāue ʻaki ʻo e ponokalafí¹:

ʻAsi fakatuʻupakē: “ʻOku ou tui ko e tokotaha kotoa pē ne ʻasi fakatuʻupakē hake ki ai ʻa e ponokalafí. ʻOku ʻikai ha angahala ʻi heni ʻi he taimi ʻoku tau tafoki ai pea ʻoua naʻa tau toe sio ki aí.”
Tātāitaha hono ngāue ʻakí: “Ko e fakatuʻutāmaki hono ngāue ʻaki ʻi he ʻilopau e ponokalafí, tatau ai pē pe ko e hā hono lahí mo e tātāitahá, ko ʻene toutou tohoakiʻi ko ē kita ke te toutou sio aí, ʻo fakautuutu ai ʻene toka heʻete fakakaukaú ʻa e ngaahi ongo mo e tōʻonga fakasekisualé.”
Toutou ngāue ʻakí: “ʻOku lava ke hoko hono toutou ngāue ʻaki ʻi he ʻilopau ʻo e ponokalafí ko ha tōʻonga moʻui. … ʻI hono toutou ngāue ʻakí, ʻoku aʻusia ai ʻe he fakafoʻituituí ha holi lahi ange ke fakaʻaiʻai ia, ke ne toe fai e meʻa tatau kae toki fiemālie ai.”
Fuʻu tōtuʻa hono ngāue ʻakí (maʻunimaá): “ʻOku maʻunimā ha tōʻonga moʻui ʻa ha taha ʻi he taimi ʻokú ne fakatupunga ai ha ongoʻi ʻholi faivavaleʼ ki he meʻa ko iá (ʻdependencyʼ) (ko ha foʻi lea fakafaitoʻo ʻoku fakaʻaongaʻi ki hono ngāue ʻaki ʻo e faitoʻo konatapú, kava mālohí, vaʻinga kumi monūʻiá, etc.) ʻo iku ai ki he ʻvili taʻeʻunuaʼ ke ʻfakamuʻomuʻa ia ʻi he meimei meʻa kotoa pē he moʻuí.ʼ”²

ʻE lava ke lau ʻe ha kakai tokolahi ʻoku nau fefaʻuhi mo e ponokalafí, ʻoku maʻunimā kinautolu. ʻE lava ke fakatuʻutāmaki mo takihalaʻi ʻa e mahalo ko ʻení kapau ʻoku ʻikai ke moʻoni. Ko e hā e ʻuhinga moʻoni ʻo e maʻunimā ʻe ha meʻá? ʻOku ʻuhinga ʻa e maʻunimaá ki he ngaahi ʻulungaanga ʻoku ongoʻi ʻe he kakaí kuo pau ke nau toutou fai neongo kapau ʻoku kovi ʻa e ngaahi nunuʻá. ʻOku faʻa iku ʻa e faʻahinga ʻulungaanga peheé ki ha ngaahi palopalema kehe, hangē ko e:

Palopalema ʻi he ngaahi vā fetuʻutakí.
Palopalema ʻi he ngāue maʻuʻanga moʻuí, akó, pe ngaahi palopalema kehe fekauʻaki mo iá.
Holi ke nofo toko taha pe toitoi.
Fekumi ki ha ngaahi founga fakamamahi mo fakalilifu ange ʻo e ponokalafí ke fakatōliʻa ho fiemaʻu ke lahi ange ʻa e fakaʻaiʻaí.
Palopalema fakasekisualé.
Ongoʻi mā mo ongoʻi taʻemahuʻingʻia ʻiate kitá.

Ko ha ngaahi fehuʻi ʻeni te ke ala fai ʻi hoʻo fakakaukau pe ʻoku maʻunimā nai koe ʻe he ponokalafí.

Tuʻo lahí: Ko e hā e lahi ʻeku mamataʻi e ponokalafí?

Ko e lahi ange hono toutou mamataʻi ʻe he fakafo‘ituituí ʻa e ponokalafí, ko e mamafa ange ia ʻa e palopalemá. ʻOku faʻa hoko e tātāitaha hono mamataʻi ʻo e ponokalafí ko ha palopalema siʻi ange pea ʻoku siʻisiʻi ke hoko ko ha maʻunimā, neongo ʻoku kei taʻetaau mo fakatuʻutāmaki ʻa e ʻulungāngá.

Lōloá: Ko e hā hono fuoloa ʻeku kau ʻi he ponokalafí?

Kapau kuo ʻikai ke ke lava ʻo taʻofi hoʻo mamataʻi e ponokalafí ʻi ha vahaʻataimi fuoloa—hangē ko ha ngaahi taʻu lahi—mahalo ʻe faingataʻa ange ke ke ikunaʻi ʻeni ʻi he fakahoa ki haʻo mamataʻi e ponokalafí ʻi ha vahaʻataimi nounou ange. Kapau kuó ke sio ponokalafi talu hoʻo kei siʻí, mahalo ʻe lahi ange ho faingamālie ke maʻunimaá he fakalau ʻa e taimí.

Tali e faingataʻá: ʻOku fēfē ʻeku loto-fiemālie ke tali e ngaahi faingataʻá koeʻuhí ka u lava ʻo mamataʻi e ponokalafí?

Kapau ʻokú ke loto-fiemālie ke tali e ngaahi faingataʻá ka ke mamataʻi e ponokalafí, ta ʻoku faingataʻa ange ke liliu ho ʻulungāngá. ʻE ala kau ʻi hono tali e faingataʻá ʻa e feinga ke fūfuuʻi hono ngāue ʻaki ʻo e ponokalafí, loi ki ha hoa mali, pe sio ponokalafi ʻi he ngāueʻangá. ʻE lava ke iku e ʻulungaanga ko ʻení ki he vete malí, ngaahi palopalema fakafāmilí, mole ʻo e ngāue maʻuʻanga moʻuí, pe faihiá.

Fefaʻuhi fakaʻahó: ʻOku hoko nai e ponokalafí ke faingataʻa ange ai ʻeku ngāue fakaʻahó.

Kapau ʻoku maʻunimā koe ʻe he ponokalafí, ʻe ala faingataʻa ke ke fakahoko hoʻo ngaahi ngāue fakaʻaho angamahení. ʻE lava ke maʻu ʻe he ngaahi fakakaukau ki he ponokalafí ʻa e fakafoʻituituí ʻo aʻu ki ha tuʻunga ʻe faingataʻa ai e mohé, ngāué pe ngaahi ngafa kehé. Naʻa mo e ngaahi fepōtalanoaʻaki pe ʻekitivitī fakafāmilí ʻe ngali faingataʻa mo ia. ʻE lava ke maʻu ʻe he fakakaukau ʻāvea ko ʻení ha ivi tākiekina ʻoku ʻikai lelei ki he ngaahi feohi fakakaungāmeʻá, ngaahi vā fetuʻutaki fakafāmilí, ngaahi fatongiá, mo e ngaahi ʻekitivitií.

Maʻu ha Mahino Ki Ho ʻUlungāngá

Naʻa mo e hili hoʻo fakakaukau ki he ngaahi fehuʻi ko ʻení, mahalo he ʻikai pē mahino kiate koe pe ʻoku maʻunimā nai koe ʻe he ponokalafí. Ka neongo ia, ʻi hoʻo sivisiviʻi ho ʻulungāngá, ʻe kamata ke mahino lelei ange kiate koe hoʻo ngāue ʻaki e ponokalafí. ʻE ala tokoni atu ʻeni ke ke kamata faʻu ha palani ke liliu.

Kapau ʻokú ke ʻilo ʻoku lahi ange hoʻo palopalemá pe kapau ʻokú ke fefaʻuhi ke fakalakalaka, mahalo te ke fie maʻu ha tokoni fakapalōfesinale. Ako lahi ange fekauʻaki mo hono maʻu ha tokoni fakapalōfesinalé ʻaki haʻo lau e “Te u maʻu fēfē ha mataotao ʻi he moʻui lelei fakaeʻatamaí ʻoku taau mo aú?”

ʻI hoʻo tuku ha taimi mo feinga ke maʻu ha mahino ki hoʻo ngāue ʻaki ʻo e ponokalafí, ʻokú ke fakahoko ai e ʻuluaki sitepu ki hono liliu ho ʻulungāngá. ʻOku malava maʻu pē ʻa e liliú.

Fai ha Ngāue

Fakakaukauʻi hano tohi hoʻo ngaahi tali ki he ngaahi fehuʻi ʻi he fakamatala ko ʻení. Fakamatalaʻi e mafatukituki ho ʻulungaanga ʻaki e ponokalafí.
Feinga ke ʻiloʻi ha niʻihi fakafoʻituitui pe kulupu te ke lava ʻo kumi tokoni ki ai. ʻE lava ke tokoni ki he niʻihi tokolahi ʻa e Family Services Pornography Addiction Support Groups (PASG) (Ngaahi Kulupu Tokoni mei he Vaʻa Tokoni ki he Fāmilí ki he Maʻunimā ʻe he Ponokalafí), Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) (Fakaakeake mei he Maʻunimā ʻe he Fehokotaki Fakasinó), Fortify (Fakamālohia), mo e ngaahi kulupu tokoni kehé. ʻE ala ʻaonga foki ki he ngaahi hoa malí ke nau kau atu ki ha kulupu tokoni. ʻOku kau ʻi he ngaahi naunau kehe ʻe ala tokoní ʻa e Addiction Recovery Program, ko e Association of Latter-day Saint Counselors and Psychotherapists (Kautaha Faifaleʻi mo e Tokoni Fakaeʻatamai ʻa e Kau Māʻoniʻoni ʻi he Ngaahi ʻAho Kimui Ní), Family Services (Ngaahi Tokoni ki he Fāmilí), mo e Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (Sosaieti maʻá e Fakalakalaka ʻo e Moʻui Lelei Fakasekisualé).