“Am I Doing Enough?”
I constantly felt inadequate, even though I was trying hard to be a good disciple.
“Am I doing enough?”
This was the lingering question I was seeking an answer for at general conference. I longed for a clear yes or no from Heavenly Father.
I have struggled with perfectionism and people-pleasing behavior throughout my life—in all areas of my life! But especially when it comes to the gospel.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the gospel.
But there is a constant, looming doubt in the back of my mind that dampens my spirits in the quiet hours of the day. This dark thought often tells me that I’m not doing enough.
That I’m not enough.
These “not enough” feelings of perfectionism often show up like this:
Having a hard time saying no when I’m asked to do a task (even with a jam-packed to-do list). And feeling extremely guilty if I do, miraculously, say no.
Feeling uneasy when others compliment me because I fixate on my weaknesses.
Being a harsh critic of myself when I make a mistake.
Comparing myself to others.
Always wondering if I could have done something better or something more.
I strive to give my all, but I still feel so inadequate. I often feel tired, stretched thin, and plagued with worry when I fall short. So I just wanted to know if what I was offering was enough in the Lord’s eyes.
The Answer I Needed
As general conference was close to being over, I started to give up hope of finding an answer. But then Elder Vern P. Stanfill of the Seventy spoke during the last session, and his words pierced my soul:
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“Remember that perfectionism is not the same as being perfected in Christ [see Moroni 10:32].”1
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“A simple word of kindness, a brief but sincere ministering visit, a Primary lesson lovingly taught can, with the Savior’s help, provide comfort, soften hearts, and change eternal lives. Our clumsy efforts can lead to miracles.”2
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“As we accept the Savior’s invitation to come unto Him, we soon realize that our best is good enough and that the grace of a loving Savior will make up the difference in ways we cannot imagine.”3
I felt warmth in my heart. That was the answer I needed.
When I seek Jesus Christ and offer my imperfect but sincere efforts, that’s enough for Him.
We Are Enough
I am now deepening my understanding of those gospel principles that dispel perfectionism. Principles like “It is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27) and “My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me ... then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).
Elder Stanfill reminded me that I really, really need to be kinder to myself and to offer myself grace more often. Grace is what the Savior always offers my imperfect self, especially when my desires to be a better disciple and a better person overall are sincere.
I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to overcoming my perfectionistic tendencies and deepening my faith that the Savior’s redeeming power does, in fact, apply to me. But I am holding on to the truth that “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13), whether that means offering my best, making changes, or even being humble enough to say no at times.
I felt Heavenly Father’s love and awareness for me throughout this general conference as I found inklings of hope and answers to the questions in my heart.
I hope you can also feel His love and direction for you through His prophets’ messages.