I Promised Myself I Wouldn’t Throw Any “Scalpels”
When I heard Elder Soares and President Nelson discuss the importance of speaking kind words about others, it made me think of my friend who had received a lot of hate comments online.
Photograph from Unsplash
When I was younger, my mother taught that we always needed to talk about others in a positive way, especially when we were in public. I never really understood the reasoning behind that as a child.
I have a blunt personality, and I sometimes said hurtful things to others without realizing it. Every time this happened, she would remind me of this principle.
I never truly realized how hurtful words could be until I saw my friend getting a lot of hate comments online because of certain life decisions. As I scrolled through the comments, I remember thinking “Stop saying that” while trying not to cry.
The Importance of Kind Words
Several years have passed since then, but the emotions from this experience came flooding back when I heard Elder Ulisses Soares of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles speak during general conference. It was like the hurt and shock I felt had happened yesterday.
I remembered wanting to tell every person spreading hateful comments about all the good things my friend had done. It was during this experience that I learned how many people can get hurt by one hateful message. Not only does it hurt the person it is aimed at but also that person’s friends and family. Our words have a domino effect.
Elder Soares said: “We often see people who engage in negative and even derogatory comments about the perceived characteristics, weaknesses, and opinions of others …. Without restraint, digital conversation often leads people to personal attacks and heated disputes, creating disappointments, wounding hearts, and spreading flaming hostility.”1 I felt firsthand what Elder Soares taught, and I have no doubt that so many others have too.
Even with all this pain inside our hearts, our hurt does not have to last forever. If we reach out to Jesus Christ to help us, He will be able to heal us because as “the Son of Righteousness,” He will “arise with healing in his wings” (3 Nephi 25:2) in ways we think impossible.
We Can Choose to Be Peacemakers
I was struck by President Nelson’s example of the infected scalpel that pierced his arm. It made me reflect on the times I have gotten angry at others. But I also thought back to that experience when I saw all those comments against my friend.
Just as President Nelson promised himself that he would “never lose control of [his] emotions” or “throw anything in anger—whether it be scalpels or words,”2 I vowed to myself that I would not let my emotions get the better of me either. What I hate most in the world is accidentally hurting someone else through my actions. I never want to hurt someone else intentionally.
When I thought of my friend, I also promised myself I wouldn’t be like the people online who only slander and choose to say hurtful things to strangers. I decided to apply this to my everyday life in times when I feel tempted to judge someone before truly getting to know them. I wanted to be someone who sees the goodness in others when everyone else only sees the imperfections.
It is like Elder Uchtdorf says: “If we look for imperfections, … we will certainly find them, because everyone has some. On the other hand, if we look for the good, we will surely find it, because everyone has many good qualities too.”3
The world is already hard enough to live in. “Anger never persuades. Hostility builds no one. Contention never leads to inspired solutions.”4 Instead, let’s treat each other as the eternal children of God that we are. Let’s treat others in a higher and holier way—because that is how God would treat us.
Let’s not throw scalpels at each other.